I have a tradition of writing a football preview in our company newsletter, Joined In Progress (JIP), every September. Since our office is located in Milwaukee and our parent office is in Chicago, and there is much animosity and trash talk between our two cities’ football fans, I always try to throw some fuel on the fire with an equally scathing preview of the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go public and share the preview with the masses (both of you guys).
JIP Pigskin Preparedness Primer
JIP’s NFL Insider Cubicle QB Cuts Through The Corporate Media Lies And Propaganda To Give You Scientifically Incontrovertible Analysis Of The Chicago Bears And The Green Bay Packers For The Season Ahead.
Chicago Bears
Last Season: 13-3, NFC Champions
- QB Rex Grossman endorses an energy drink called Unleash the Dragon, which promises consumers “an intensely stimulating rush of amplified physical and mental prowess, with a slight aftertaste of incompetence, despair and self-loathing.”
- Emotionally sensitive RB Cedric Benson wonders why all these mean guys keep chasing him.
- Once a member of the 7th Floor Crew rap group at the University of Miami, rookie TE Greg “G-Reg” Olsen now takes his act solo, rapping about his favorite sneakers, his fourth-grade teacher and how much he enjoys pie.
- New Bears DT Darwin Walker is also a civil engineer, and his slogan is “Engineered to Sack.” Walker replaces troubled DT Tank Johnson, whose motto was “Huh?”
- Your family and friends will hold an intervention after you spend every waking moment on Patrick Mannelly’s LongSnapper.com.
- WR/KR Devin Hester will receive an ugly sweater for Christmas. He will return it for a touchdown.
All-Name Team Candidates: Obafemi Ayanbadejo, Dusty Dvoracek, Israel Idonije, Quadtrine Hill, Drisan James, Trumaine McBride, Fontel Mines, Danny Verdun Wheeler
Green Bay Packers
Last Season: 8-8
- QB Brett Favre asks his family members to inspire him by having more personal tragedies this season.
- The Packers rethink their promotions after DE Cullen Jenkins suffers back spasms from too many fans participating in “Ride Cullen Jenkins to Work Day.”
- Due to some legal entanglements, your friends Scott Scherer and Melanie Hardrath of West Allis will not be joining you for game-day parties at Potawatomi Bingo and Casino this season.
- DB Atari Bigby begins to suspect a conspiracy when he drops below Sega Johnson and XBox O’Brien on the depth chart.
- Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Packers beat writer Bob McGinn finally confesses that the dozens of anonymous scouts he often quotes in his articles are “just the booze talking.”
- The top story on Today’s TMJ4 for Nov. 1 features some guy from Neenah who writes songs about Brett Favre and plays the mandolin. Rod Burks has news on the Brewers’ World Series championship later on in Sports.
All-Name Team Candidates: David Clowney, Carlyle Holiday, Atari Bigby, Alvin Nnabuife, C.J. Blomvall, Johnny Jolly, Carl-Johan Bjork