Over the past few seasons of How I Met Your Mother, Barney has taught us a lot of things about dating — the Lemon Law, the Crazy/Hot Scale, etc. But now we find out that one lesson stands above all others: that of the Platinum Rule. The Platinum Rule takes the Golden Rule — which Barney incorrectly thinks is “Love thy neighbor” — and extends it to the next level: “Never ever, ever, ever love thy neighbor.”
Ted’s decision to date Dr. Stella Zinman, the woman who has been removing his butterfly tramp stamp, is the catalyst for Barney’s explanation of the rule, which is aided by testimonials from Robin, Lily and Marshall — who, like Barney, have all broken the Platinum Rule in the past. Robin, when she dated her station’s sports guy, Kurt “The Iron Man” Irons; Marshall and Lily, when they made friends with their charades-loving neighbors, the Gerards; and Barney, when he dated Wendy the waitress from McLaren’s.
Ted is busy fixing his hair for his date, which gives Barney time to run down the eight steps that occur when one breaks the Platinum Rule. They are as follows:
Step 1: Attraction (For Robin, as a Canadian, all this takes is the fact that “Iron Man” was a hockey player.)
Step 2: Bargaining (In the case of Marshall and Lily, this step leads to Robin’s observation that they want to “antique the crap out of” the Gerards. For Barney and Wendy the waitress, it’s as simple as: “She’s gullible, I’m bored — we’re perfect for each other.”)
Step 3: Submission
Step 4: Perks (What’s the only thing better than a plate of free nachos from Wendy the Waitress? Meeting the left wing for the Vancouver Canucks! That is, if you’re Canadian.)
Step 5: The Tipping Point
Step 6: Purg — wait for it … keep waiting … keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover there’s no escape — atory
Step 7: Confrontation (This is my favorite, because it gave us what has to be one of the funniest breakups in TV history. See the Barneyism below.)
Step 8: Fallout
After being presented with such a convincing argument, Ted decides that there are too many rules and he’s going to go out with Dr. Stella anyway. But it turns out there’s another rule keeping them apart. The American Medical Association doesn’t allow doctors to date patients. No big deal, right? But as Future Ted narrates the scene, he says he and Dr. Stella won’t be together “for the time being.” Could she end up being the show’s titular mother? Who knows. But I bet we haven’t heard the last of Dr. Stella. It’s at least something to consider as we wait for the writers strike to end so we can see new episodes of what has turned into one of the best comedies on TV. Suddenly, I feel like I’m entering Step 6 …
Other Highlights
Barney messing up Ted’s hair as the preferred method of keeping Ted in the apartment; said method backfiring the second time, when it only makes his hair awesome; Flight of the Conchords scene-stealer Kristen Schaal as Laura Gerard.
Best Barneyism
Barney: “I don’t like you that way. I used to like you that way, but now that I’ve seen everything there is to see … I don’t know. I kind of want to see those same parts, just on other girls. Other girls and you, if you’re into that. But the other girls have to be there, too. That’s the important part.”
Wendy the waitress: “Gosh, you’re just terrified of ever getting close to anyone, aren’t you?”
Barney: “Or that. Let’s say it’s that. … So, can I get a gin and tonic?”
UPDATE: The following is a letter to the fans from the producers of How I Met Your Mother. (When you get to the bottom, you might want to look up Jayma Mays on IMDb.com)
Letter to the Fans from the Producers
LETTER TO THE FANS
Hello HIMYM fans. Motherheads? Howsiers? What are you calling yourselves these days? So first things first, thank you for the incredible support you guys have given us over the years. We mean it. When you create a show, you never think you’re doing anything more than telling a funny story. But apparently we’ve created a community, and it seems to be a community of pretty decent people. It’s a community we’d probably want to have a beer with. Our fans seem cool and smart and funny, and it drives us to want to make the show better, to never let it stagnate, to always push ourselves to try something interesting and new. So thank you.
Anyway, we’d like to take a little moment here to come out from behind the desk, cool-11th-grade-english-teacher-style, roll up our sleeves and “rap” at you guys for a bit. We want to talk about the strike. By now you probably know what strike we’re talking about, but if you don’t, watch this movie: http://youtube.com/watch?v=oJ55Ir2jCxk
What it boils down to is this: Tonight’s episode of “How I Met Your Mother” is the last new one for a while. Starting next week, we grimly trudge off the map and into the desert of reruns and reality TV. We can’t tell you how difficult this last month and a half has been for us, both personally and professionally. We work with the best people in this business – the best at their jobs, the best at being nice and decent human beings – and the thought of all of them out of work over the holidays is almost too much to bear. We miss them all every day.
That’s by far the suckiest part of the strike – nothing tops that. But there’s other suckiness, such as the suckiness of having to put this story on pause. We love our show. We love the stories we get to tell. And this year on How I Met Your Mother, we think the story is particularly great. A very juicy, breathtaking, funny, and (to use our director Pam’s word) yummy story was just starting to unfold as the ax began to fall. We’re very excited about the second half of this season, and not bringing it to you right now, factory-direct, sparkling-new, is simply killing us.
But enough with our problems. The reason we’re writing today is to beseech you guys, the fans of this show, to bear with us. The love and support you’ve shown us over the last two and a half seasons has been truly surprising and awesome, and we hope you’ll rejoin us when this whole mess is over with. But for now, this is going to have to be a long distance relationship. We know you’ll get lonely, and Mario Lopez is such a good dancer… but come on, hang in there. Sure, long distance doesn’t ever work for anyone, but we’re different. What we’ve got is special. We can make this work.
But in the meantime, if you want to help us end this strike quickly, please visit www.fans4writers.com. That site explains exactly what the WGA is asking for, exactly why it’s completely reasonable, and exactly how you can show your support.
And just in case the strike goes on so long that the medium of television goes out of business forever and we never get to make another episode, the mother is the coat check girl.
Happy Holidays!
Carter Bays and Craig Thomas