Hooray, we got the film-style opening credits! Road to Germany opens with the Griffins’ Oscar party. Mort’s intestines aren’t happy with his choice of pills that night, and he goes in search of a bathroom. Since Quagmire’s secretly recording Meg’s bathroom experience, Mort wanders into Stewie’s room, sees what appears to be a port-a-potty, and goes in. When he doesn’t come back downstairs, Brian goes in search, and he and Stewie discover (with the help of Rick Moranis and the backup singers from Little Shop of Horrors) that Mort actually stepped into Stewie’s time machine. Determined to rescue the poor guy, Brian and Stewie jump in after him.
Turns out, Mort’s gone back to Warsaw, Sept. 1, 1939: the day of his grandfather’s wedding. Unfortunately, it also happens to be the day Hitler invades Poland (and the exact day and year that Renee Russo was born). It all goes down in a Fiddler on the Roof-esque wedding party blitz, and when Mort and company try to return to 2008, the return pad malfunctions. Rather than find out how many Polish people it takes to fix a time machine, Mort disguises himself as a priest in an attempt to get to England. Of course, it doesn’t go well, and after an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade-style motorcycle chase that ends in a Back to the Future skateboard save (complete with Nazis crashing into a truck full of Das Manure), they locate a shipyard and steal a U-Boat.
Eventually, they make it to England, which has been bombed all to hell, and Stewie discovers that the reason the return pad won’t work is because it’s low on uranium. The only place to get uranium in 1939 Europe is Berlin, where the Nazis are developing WMDs. WMDs? So why doesn’t the U.S. come over and kick their asses? Maybe because they don’t have any oil? Oooh … clap clap clap clap CLAP! Thank you, Brian and Stewie.
The three join a British air strike team on its way to Berlin: Stewie’s the pilot, Brian’s Goose, and Mort’s airsick. When it looks like the Nazi fighters outnumber them, Vultan’s Hawk-Men (complete with Queen soundtrack) come and save the day. And yes, that was Brian Blessed. After an Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom raft escape from their shot-up plane, they finally reach Berlin, steal some Nazi uniforms, dress Stewie as Hitler and pull an inspection of the uranium plant. Mean Joe Green tosses Stewie some uranium, the real Hitler comes in and it looks to be all over until Hitler says they can avoid execution if they sing a charming musical number. Then Mort yells “Will you two just get in the @#$%ing time machine?” and they’re back to the future 30 seconds before it all began. They shove Mort back into the machine and destroy it just in time for Mort to come into the room looking for a bathroom and pooping his pants when there isn’t one.
Fantastic episode. Standout moments:
• Peter: “Every one of Steve Buscemi’s teeth is in business for itself!”
• European See & Say: “The cow says ShaZOOO!” (which Stewie learns is true when he’s in Warsaw)
• Stewie: “I’m sorry Brian, is my time machine not as good as your time machine?”
• The Nazi soldier yelling that a U-Boat is being stolen by “eine dog und baby und Art Garfunkel”
• Terence Trent D’Arby pinging on the U-Boat sonar
• Brian. Freakin’. Blessed.
• Stewie’s Nazi uniform had a McCain/Palin button on it
• 100 luftballons! Oh, damn …
…and Stewie and Hitler doing the Lucy-and-Harpo at the mirror number.