Given the theme of this week’s American Idol — songs from the Movies — and the fact that Quentin Tarantino will be the ‘mentor’ to the Idol kids, do you think we should just hand the week over to Adam? I mean, seriously, songs that largely have a dramatic arc and a freakish mentor? That’s a total gimme for Adam to screw up.
So according to Vote For The Worst, we’re going to be treated to two — TWO — Bryan Adams songs. Blech. Have I mentioned lately that I can’t stand Bryan Adams? Can’t. Stand. Him. What on earth is Quentin Tarantino going to say about a Bryan Adams song? “I think you killed it, but, can you REALLY kill it? I mean, get some blood up on the stage? And a chainsaw. You NEED a chainsaw when you perform this song. Bryan Adams would want it that way.”
Quentin Tarantino has apparently always wanted to say ‘This is American Idol‘ ’cause Ryan Seacrest let him do it to open the show. Thankfully, we’ve also cut out the stupid judges’ walk down to their seats. Ryan still gets to walk down the über-staircase. Ryan also seems to think that we’ve got a lot of time to kill this week, so he farts around introducing the judges and noting that the band is on the stage. Simon blah, blahs about that the overrun last week is the girl judges’ fault. Whatever, just shut up & start the show already. Oh, tonight we only get 2 judges to blather for each contestant.
Quentin Tarantino also gets a video intro. There are many short clips of his movies, as this is a family show. Quentin is then in the audience next to a woman who goes ‘whoo’ a lot. It’s a bit weird.
Allison Iraheta — Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith
Allison tries to slow the Adam Lambert crushing domination of American Idol by stealing an Aerosmith song. Will it be enough to stop the juggernaut? Only your votes will decide, America. I gotta say, I like Allison, but this doesn’t sound right. I’m wondering if she’s sick or something. Maybe the song is just too low for her, but it doesn’t work. Katie Couric seemed to like it though. Paula blah, blahs about her being authentic, even though she just did the song instead of actually doing anything different with it. Simon thinks Allison is the girls’ only hope. Sorry, judges, I didn’t hear what you did. I though she was ok, but not great.
Anoop Desai — Everything I Do, I Do It For You by Bryan Adams
This is my first grating Bryan Adams torture of the night. Quentin wants Anoop to rough it up. Anoop looks at Quentin like he’s nuts. Will he rough it up? Not sounding like it at the start. He might be trying to rough it up, but only in a very safe Hootie & the Blowfish kind of roughing it up. Non-threatening roughing it up. Roughing it up only in that defeatest ‘I have no life of my own, so I only do crap for you’ kind of way. Randy thinks it’s a tough song to sing. Whatever, Randy. Randy and Kara think Anoop has found his niche. Kara felt connected to him singing. Ryan asks who Anoop was thinking of while singing that song. Wow, awkward.
Adam Lambert — Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf
Quentin thinks Adam is the real deal, but we don’t get to see whatever advice Quentin gave. Adam is in his full emo glory. The nail polish and eyeliner is out. Wallet chain and shiny Chuck Taylors — check. Rocking out with the band. Check. Making tons of additions to the Adam Lambert Roundtable — check, check and check. Paula is going crazy with the screaming. She says he dares to dance in the path of greatness & calls him one of the bravest contestants ever. How quickly we forget, don’t we Paula? Wasn’t blind boy Scott the bravest contestant ever? Simon thinks he needs to learn how to express himself more. That’s a joke, people. His only criticism is that he got a Rocky Horror vibe off him. Adam’s good with that comparison. I love how Adam switches from week to week — hitting one fan base one week, and another fan base the following week. I think he could’ve done better with an Elvis song, or he could’ve killed with one of the many Broadway shows that have been made into a movie, but that’s neither here nor there.
Matt Giraud — To Really Love A Woman by Bryan Adams
Matt is rocking the wallet chain on his vest. Matt displays a great lack of confidence in his selection this week. Not the best tactic right now, Matt. Quentin councils Matt to not lose his enunciation on the song. Matt also thinks this is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Who reading knows how I feel about Bryan Adams? Pop quiz: Do you think I agree with Matt? If you answered Yes, please go back to the beginning of this blog and read again. Repeat until you get the correct answer of No. Matt seemed to lose it halfway through the performance, but I think Matt’s lack of confidence is going to kill him. Randy doesn’t think it was Matt’s best performance. Kara blathers that his choices didn’t work, and Simon seems to be imitating her while she’s giving her critique. Either that or he’s being obscene.
Danny Gokey — Endless Love by Diana Ross
I love you. Don’t touch me. Why, Danny? Why? With many Bruce Springsteen songs at his disposal (assumedly) that would actually suit his voice, he opts for this piece of drek? For this performance, Danny has ditched the glasses, much to the chagrin of his optometrist in Milwaukee. Oh, but I notice that he does have his wedding band back on. Quentin wants Danny to stop using his hands so much. We don’t get to see the take where Danny sings with his hands in his pockets. Danny does not take Quentin’s advice, as his left hand moves around like he’s stirring a batch of brownies. He’s also dressed like he’s in a sports coat made out of scrubs. Oh, yeah, and his singing is ‘meh.’ Paula wasn’t sure that the key was right for Danny and thinks he slayed us at the end. Simon can’t fault the way he sang the song, but he’s disappointed that the song was done with a harp. Nothing unique about how the song was done. I think they cut him a ton of slack for botching the beginning.
Kris Allen — Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Quentin thinks Kris lived up to the idea of the theme the most because he picked the movie that meant something to him & picked the right song from it. I don’t know if that’s the point of the week, but whatever. It’s that song from Once that won the Academy Award. It’s technically a duet, and he gets a little help from the backup singers. If Kris were on America’s Next Top Model, Nigel Barker would want a song from the front of his mouth, instead of the side. It’s a pretty song, and Kris sings well, but it didn’t catch on for Randy because it was pitchy. Kara thinks it was brave to pick an ‘obscure’ song. Um, Kara, I don’t know if you’ve gotten out of Studio 57 lately, but it did win the Academy Award. Lots of people watch the Academy Awards. I think Kris sung it nicely, but again, he just sang the song. If contestants are going to get dinged for not bringing originality to the song, then Kris should get a ding, even though he did a good job.
Lil Rounds — The Rose by Bette Midler
In the pimp slot is Lil Rounds. This could be a good song choice, or a really, really bad song choice. Will she do the brave, and right, thing by going for a gay fan base? Will she just do the same thing she’s done every week? Quentin tells her to commit to the first part, where she does the song straight, as much as the second, where she goes into a gospel thing. She does not try to pick up any gay bathhouse Bette Midler fans. Paula thinks the song has one of the most beautiful lyrics, and makes absolutely no comment on Lil’s singing. Simon thinks it was too soft & too middle-of-the-road. Lil says back to Simon that she put her own R&B spin on it. I think what Simon’s saying, Lil, is that you didn’t put enough into it. She reminds me of actors I’ve known who think they’ve had a huge breakthrough, when they’ve only taken a tiny step forward in their performance. Sigh. Well, maybe the sassing back to Simon will save her.
But that’s up to you, America. Now, get to dialing. Tomorrow night you will be rewarded with Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Hudson. Movie singers! Yeah!
Image: Vote For The Worst