Tonight on “Dance Moms”: Wildly Inappropriate prosti-tots!

By Lori Acken
Follow @ChannelGuideLLA

Hellooooooo, fellow members of Dance Mom Faithful For Better Or Worse. DaMoFFBoW, for short.

If you’re wondering what we’re in for this week, suffice it to say two things, 1) The name of the episode is “Wildly Inappropriate.” And 2) Christi — she of the “as long as my $16K check is cashed and my kid learns to boogie, let’s drank!” mindset — pronounces Abby’s newest surefire idea for competitive victory “prosti-tots.”

Yes, indeed, there will be no more little pastel dancin’ Esther Williamses out there in ill-fitting headwear for Abby Lee (though, to be fair, they did come out on top in their competition category in Phoenix) — this time, we’re talking Parisian hooker hair, shiny turquoise latex hot pants and bra tops, and thigh-high stockings.

“Where is the rest of her costume?” wheezes Holly when she gets a load of daughter Nia.

The routine, “Electricity,” says Abby by way of explanation, is “sexy and sizzling.”The girls, wails Lori, have yet to hit puberty!

Nobody cares what Lori says.

And these ladies — Abby and the Dance Moms — aren’t exactly the anti-exhibitionist types, so the show, as it must, goes on. I mean there’s MUCH worse stuff on YouTube, right? All those onesie-wearing “Single Ladies” tots and stuff like that? Still, word of the outfits and the routine hits the competition before the girls hit the stage, and the air is ripe with scandal.

No screeners were made available for the rest of the season, but Lifetime PR says the performance does “blow away the audience.” But are we talking shock … or awe?

Find out tonight at 10pm ET on Lifetime.