This week on Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition, the theme is modern fairy tales. Goldilocks here says she’s got this bad boy wrapped up because she’s a princess from head to toe. Duh.
Abby says fairy tales are magical. Tiffany says they’re crap, and it’s guaranteed to be the JoJo Show. Duh.
Abby says the sole prince among the princesses is going to have to work extra hard for his fairy tale ending after the stunt he pulled last week. You know, the one where he tried to remain loyal to his twin brother and Abby was all Off With His Head?
The skills challenge will be turns. The winner gets a private lesson from Abby. Here’s how excited Cindy is about that.
Cindy doesn’t think Gianna would even want to win, because she’s scared to death of Abby. I’m scared to death of Cindy.
Speaking of scary, Abby’s special guest this week is this person named Leslie, who has performed all over the world including with the Royal Ballet of London. Her eyebrows worry me tremendously.
I feel like I should tell you more about Leslie — and also possibly see if I’m spelling her name wrong — but we spend very little time on her other than to demonstrate that she teaches class in a skirt and heels — like street-clothes skirt and heels — and looks very properly English and elegant doing it. And that’s about it for Leslie. Abby has a magic wand on her to make the losers of the challenge disappear.
Ally, who is clearly in the weeds, is ousted first. Tiffany says she’d like to tell Abby where to stick that wand. Trinity and her sickled foot go next. JoJo nearly falls off the stage. Gianna biffs the choreography. Abby decides to throw the final three — Travis, McKaylee and Kalani — a curveball and reverse the combination to the left. I can’t even reverse direction stylishly just walking normal, so good for them if they can pull this off. Kalani and Travis can. McKaylee is not hitting second. Kalani wins the lesson.
Cindy is not surprised. She says Abby should just send the rest of them the hell home and declare her little favorite the winner right now. Or you could just, you know, go home, Cindy. Try telling Abby you’re doing that. Make sure you do it on camera.
Everyone’s excused. Except Sheryl. Abby tells her that everything that happened at the end of last week’s episode is Sheryl’s fault. Of course. She MADE Abby say those things. While Abby is lecturing her about not allowing Travis and Tyler to buy a car or spend a hundred G’s without parental guidance, Abby notices Sheryl is chewing gum.
Here’s what happens when Abby catches you chewing gum.
Sheryl says that resorting to vulgarities like that just shows you’re ignorant. Hopefully she will never know you said that, Sheryl, or your gum will wind up somewhere other than your nose.
Kalani and Kira arrive for Kalani’s private lesson. Abby remarks that Kira isn’t as cutthroat as the other mothers. Kira says she’s looking at the big picture — all the other stuff Kalani is learning along the way. Privately, she tells us that she has a life outside of raising Kalani, too, so being immersed in this day in and day out is a little much. Kira feels like she’s in dance jail. Abby says she should respect the opportunity more.
Abby says Kalani has so many natural gifts that she’s going to put her through her paces to make sure she realizes she still has to work for it. And by putting her through her paces, she means giving her an inspirational speech and a dewy-eyed cuddle.
Tessandra Chavez will be choreographing Ally and Trinity’s duet, Evil Stepmother. I thought this was supposed to be a modern take. Why can’t the stepfather be wicked for a change? Signed, Totally Fun Stepmother of Three.
Trinity will be the put-upon stepchild who is also a combination of all the princesses. She worries that Ally thinks she gets all the evil roles because people think she’s mean. Honestly? Trinity just thinks it’s because she’s tall.
Abby shows up to huff and puff about Ally’s feet.
Are you comprehending any of this, Tiffany?
Tiffany says yes.
Ally says it’s next to impossible for her to make Abby like her.
Kalani and Travis will be The Ice Prince and The Snow Queen, as choreographed by Peter Chu. They danced together last week, too, and Travis says it was a hot mess. This week’s looking that way, too, because Kalani is taller than Travis and Travis has to lift her. Peter worries he’s going to puncture her torso with his thumb.
Gianna and McKaylee will be doing a Pinocchio duet, choreographed by Matt Cady. Do you know how hard it is to spell Pinocchio right on the first try? The modern take on Pino … Pinoch … Pinokliedoklie …. Pinocchio is that they’re kids who are puppet-like enslaved to technology. Their laptop prop is totally cool, but Gianna keeps getting tangled up in the bungee cords.
Cindy wants to know what all this bungee hooey has to do with a turns challenge. With Matt on her case and her mother on her case, Gianna finally has enough and walks away from her mother.
Shari, who made some interesting fashion choices today …
… says she will blow a gasket if Cindy and Gianna’s sparring ruins McKaylee’s rehearsal. Cindy bellows one last bellow and leaves.
JoJo gets Anthony Burrell all to herself this week and will be a sassy, flashy Rapunzel — which is way easier to spell than Pinocchio — with a very long ponytail. Like 4 feet long. OMG, says J E S S A L Y N N. But if anyone can turn in that sucker it’s her little princess.
JoJo says no one else got a solo this week, plus it’s cute and it’s fierce and her wig is super-fabulous. Her mouth is super-obnoxious. Anthony reminds her not to sacrifice technique for performance.
In the green room, Cindy, Shari and Sheryl discuss how the only one who finds JoJo’s act cute is her mother. JoJo’s mother doesn’t find her dark roots cute. Here’s where we discover that JoJo is naturally brunette and Jessalynn has been dyeing her Baby Barbie Blonde since she was 2. <cough>
What if JoJo wins, wonders Cindy. Then she’ll have a lot more money for hair dye, I guess.
Manno made some interesting fashion choices today, too, going back to the Pee-Wee Herman vibe, with an exploded Brussels sprout for a boutonniere. Which is also hard to spell.
Richy has a crown on for the occasion. Abby has artificial plant matter in her hair.
JoJo goes first.
I just don’t know what I think about a 9-year-old doing these weirdly suggestive moves. But she does nail some pretty beast turns. The performance twins — Richy and Rachelle — can hardly contain themselves while she dances. And when it’s over, Richy leaps up and wiggles and waves all at the same time.
Abby says she nailed her turns. JoJo high-fives Manno. Abby says she loved the performance and the technique wobbles will iron themselves out with age.
Richy says yes, yes, yes and yes. Rachelle says she performed like an old Broadway pro. JoJo says she feels like she’s the best dancer here and everyone else should recognize. OK, Dancey Boo Boo.
Before Travis performs, he and Sheryl call Tyler, who offers his brother encouragement. His brother is going to need it. Kalani falls out of her very first turn. The whole dance just sort of seems all over the place, which I’m not sure is entirely the dancers’ fault. I realize that Kalani probably best suits Travis for partner work, but what say we let the kid try whooping it up in something funky with Trinity next week?
Abby gives Kalani a pass and some applause for doing the dance in her bare feet, which makes the entire greenroom contingent howl in protest and throw stuff. Even the nice people.
Abby tells Travis he was forgettable.
Richy says the whole thing was just kind of eh. Rachelle says their partnering has improved, but Kalani should have done better, having had a private lesson with Abby. The greenroom crowd goes wild.
Ally and Trinity are next. Tiffany — who has apparently been in an open-eyed coma up to this point — reminds her daughter that it’s not the technique, it’s not the turns, it’s the performance. Er, Tiff? Abby has been all over your kid about her technique from the minute she got here. This is not good advice.
Also, I can’t help but notice that Tiffany is wearing some sort of turquoise blue shorts suit with matching sky-high wedges that make her tower over teeny tiny Tina like Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars at the VMAs.
Ally’s black costume just makes her blend into the background, naturally making my eye gravitate to sparkly sprite Trinity. I’m not so much about this dance, either.
When it’s over, Tiffany turns to Tina.
Tina doesn’t know. Just keep clapping. Nothing bad can happen if we’re clapping. Right?
Abby says Trinity drew her in. She says Ally was right on the money … from the waist up. The legs and feet, not so much. Abby is not going to forgive Ally for admitting she has only begun to study ballet and Ally looks like she knows it.
Richy says he loved all of it and if he were them, he’d just dance close enough to Abby that she can’t see their feet.
Rachelle says even if they forget all about her not having ballet training, Ally still has to live up to the expectations of the challenge — and she didn’t. Tiffany still doesn’t think Ally will be in the bottom three. Tiffany had better hope Gianna and McKaylee completely blow their dance.
Backstage, Cindy continues to do fine, fine work bulldozing any self-confidence her poor daughter might have had at some point in this competition.
I kinda dug Gianna and McKaylee’s dance — mostly because I spend my life tethered to a computer — but I don’t think Abby did. Rachelle either. She says McKaylee was OK, but she could’ve been better. Also, both dancers hit the stage too thunkin’ hard. She says Gianna has grown over the course of the last few weeks, but she needs to work on her power. Have you met her mother, Rachelle? Woman could suck the power out the L.A. grid.
Richy says the two are better dancers than this dance displayed. I’d just like to say one more time how much I appreciate the quality and relevance of the judges’ comments this season over last. Seriously. Other than when Abby raises her voice, there’s actually something to all of it. Well most of it. Well, usually.
Abby says McKaylee turned well. Gianna needs to tighten up and stop being lazy. This isn’t vacation.
Cindy says Gianna is not dancing like she does at home. I’m guessing Cindy’s not momming like she does at home, either. They could possibly be related.
Judges’ deliberation. JoJo gets love all around. Richy says Ally has star power, but Abby says she dances at the level of JoJo. You know, before tonight. Like, in general. Rachelle says she was disappointing. Abby says Trinity is dynamic, but with her lack of fluidity, is she an ultimate dancer? No love for McKaylee or Gianna. Can we retire the phrase “hot mess” now?
More fighting from Gianna and Cindy backstage.
Whoever we’re discussing now, Abby says she’s wanted to send her home for weeks. Rachelle says she’s a beautiful girl who walks tall in her body and her story and she has potential. Richy nods. Abby says no. Today is not Ally’s day, mark my words.
Oh wait. More deliberations.We must have time to kill. Abby says the wrong boy twin went home last week. Rachelle and Richy give Abby crap about Kalani. Finally, there is consensus. One that Abby doesn’t trust will be undone by Rachelle’s callback card. Rachelle says it will not. Too early, says Rachelle. Yep. Not Ally’s day.
When all the dancers are back onstage, Manno asks Abby to assess the performances overall. Abby says some were sleepy and some were dopey and now she’s grumpy. And that’s what’s up, Doc.
Abby tells JoJo she had the best performance of the evening. Duh. JoJo, tonight you have annoyed me. Times a million. Don’t hate you, Jessalynn, but Jesus, tone that kid down once in a while.
Trinity, McKaylee, Travis and Kalani are all declared safe, too.
Tiffany looks even taller next to Cindy — who decides to run her mouth again. She says sending Gianna home would be a shame, because she has yet to give 100%. Abby says she feels like Gianna wants to tell Cindy something. Like shut the Pinocchio up. Then Abby wants to know, if Gianna hasn’t given 100% seven weeks into the competition, what exactly is she waiting for? Gianna says she is giving it her all — it’s all just so new. Abby tells Cindy she’s sending her own kid up the river.
Despite Cindy’s ill-timed, harebrained speech, today is not Ally’s day. She handles with a grace that 3/4 of the moms could learn from. Including her own.
Next time on Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition, It’s Cindy vs. Jessalynn on jump week.
So what do you say, AUDC fans? Do they seriously need to shake up the match-ups where duets are concerned? Did Ally get a fair shake? Is Cindy the funniest part of the show … or the most irritating? Is JoJo the funniest part of the show … or the most irritating? Would you teach a 9-year-old that they’re better when they’re blond? Is Abby’s Kalani-favoritism over the top? Sound off in the comments section below.
New episodes of Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition air Tuesday nights at 9/8CT on Lifetime.