Little women: LA Recap: Episode 1, The “M” Word

Lifetime’s new reality show, Little Women: LA premiered tonight. Is it too early so say I’m hooked? I’ve grown weary of pampered housewives, and I miss the days of reality TV when the people were real people whose lives are worth watching. Little Women: LA is about, you guessed it, a group of six women who are little people. I’ve enjoyed other reality shows that feature normal people of short stature, but Lifetime has struck upon women who are young, sexy, vibrant, brash, and diverse enough that everyone will find one woman with whom they can relate. And, for those people who can’t find anything to relate with, there is always the curiosity factor of following 6 small women as they live and love in an average-sized world (and aren’t afraid to share all of the details).

Let’s meet the ladies …

Terra
We meet Terra first and since I’m neither a news anchor nor her parent, I can play favorites. And Terra is my favorite. She’s bold, she’s beautiful, she’s entertaining and she’s the perfect friend for when you’re in a party mood. I feel like she’ll be my guide through the little people experience because not only is no topic taboo, she seems to use her status as a professional entertainer to serve as an advocate for the Little People community. Both of Terra’s parents are normal-sized, and her dwarfism is like the 1 in 40,000 births that results in dwarfism. Terra’s been dating Joe who is also a little person off-and-on for 5 years, and honestly, she could do better. Her main focus is her career as a full-time entertainer, singer and actress.

“If Ellen DeGeneres and Jenny McCarthy had a baby… that’s who’d you get.”

Tonya
Next we meet Tonya, who is known as “Little Boss.” She’s an actress and has a 22-year-old, average height daughter, Angelique, who is a college student. Tonya seems like the voice of reason of the group and when you meet some of higher-drama women, you’ll be glad to have level-headed Tonya on your side. She has an older child and seems like the oldest woman in the group so she has more life experience than the others. Since her daughter is only home on weekends, she is ready to live for herself. She’s single and ready to meet Mr. Right.

“I’m ready to let my freak flag fly.”

Terra and Tonya are taking a sexy dancing class. the other women join them…

Briana
Briana just got divorced from her husband who was also a little person. She is a stay at home mom to her 4 1/2 year-old daughter who is also a little person. She is looking forward to re-entering the dating scene and isn’t averse to dating an average-sized man. In fact, she seems to like tall men. Her parents are both average-sized and they never saw her height as a limitation. Briana stands only 3’8″ and is the smallest woman in the group.

“My parents told me to get a stool and get over it. So I did.”

 

Traci
Traci considers herself “the conservative one.” She is devoutly religious and although she is engaged to Erik and they live together, they are saving sex until marriage. They even have separate bedrooms in their home. Like several of the other women in the group, she is an actress. Traci’s conservative values are in opposition to her wilder hyper-sexual friends, so she might come off as the wet-blanket of the group and squash their partying ways. That being said, a woman like Traci knows who she is and doesn’t feel a need to be coerced beyond her comfort zone.

“I’m a freak, a Jesus freak.”

Elena
The Russian bombshell. She’s young, beautiful, stylish and sexy. It would be easy to imagine 4″4″ Elena modeling  couture for Versace or Dolce & Gabbana. Her body type is dramatically different from the other women, so I don’t think she has achondroplasia, the most common type  of dwarfism. Terra says, “hands down, Elena is the prettiest Little Person I’ve ever met,” but it’s obvious they don’t like each other. Elena met her average-sized husband at a Little People convention and got married a few months later. Terra accuses Elena of marriage for a green card.

“I’m Terra’s younger, sexier self.”

 

Christy
“The hot mess,” according to Terra.  But I would perhaps call Christy, “The loud one.” Christy has 2 teenaged children with her ex-husband but I don’t think they live with her full-time.  Her boyfriend Todd is also a Little Person and he just moved to LA from Cleveland to be with her. Christy is anxious to get married, but Todd is interested in moving slowly. Christy is crass and extremely outspoken, and will undoubtedly be the show’s drama. And is like the mildly embarrassing friend that we all have, and may actually be. This is a personality that will be fine in small doses in real life, but is reality TV gold!
“If you don’t like me, I have no time for you.”

 

Back to the dance class. Sexy little people dancing, or not-so sexy dancing. The Amazonian dance instructor tries to get bodies that don’t have the flexibility, or centers of gravity of an average-sized woman to dance sexily. Here is a question, how do women of short stature find high heels and sexy clothes? We learn that many little people have “Normal-sized” torsos and small arms and legs, so dresses should be okay if shortened, but what about pants? Traci walks out of the dance class, uncomfortable with being sexy and we learn that Christy and Traci used to be good friends, but Christy doesn’t like how religious Traci has become. These two women seem like polar opposites, I could never imagine them as friends.

Terra wants to hold a divorce party for Brianna that weekend at her house, cause you can’t spell party without D-i-v-o-r-c-e.  And Christy offers to make a penis cake.

Fun fact according to Terra: “We are professional climbers, not because we want to be, but because the world isn’t modified for us.”

Elena and Terra are both female entertainers, but they compete for work. Terra invented “Mini Britney” and now Elena is stepping onto her turf.

Christy has weddings on her brain. A reason might be that her beau Todd used to date Brianna. Awkward!! Christy mention again that she’s bringing a penis cake to the divorce party.

Todd and Christy go furniture shopping. So many people are staring! The furniture store manager can barely contain himself. He acts like he’s never seen a little person hump a coffee table before! I wonder if Christy ever gets tired of having people stare at her while she simulates sex with inanimate objects? When they return home with their new coffee table, moving the item, which would be a cinch for one person of average size is tough for two little people. “You don’t see a lot of little people as movers for a reason… Dwarfs don’t more furniture.” And we are treated to a mini-montage of them moving the unwieldy furniture. Yes, I laughed so hard that I cackled.

Briana is going on a double date with Elena and her average-height, and very sexy husband, Preston. Elena “I like that he is taller than me because he can pick me up and carry me. I think this is very romantic.” Briana, “I’m so ready for Mr. Big.” and this suave Don Juan, Brandon, was 30 minutes late for the date.

Christy has weddings on the brain. She brings it up constantly. Which is annoying and I just met her. Lay off lady!

The day of the party, Terra has people over to her beautiful house and awesome back yard. Who knew that the Miniature celebrity trade was so lucrative?!?  I am in love with her pool!

Briana’s brave, new single woman philosophy is “sadness behind, smiles forward,” which  makes meeting up with former flame Todd extra weird because he’s directly in front of her. Brina has invited Brandon (her date from a few days before) to her divorce party. That’s not totally bizarre, right? And he’s late again. Strike two?

Terra “In the world of little people, Elena is like Shaq.” I would say less like Shaq and more like a giant Barbie doll.

More talk about the penis cake and its blue balls. I know, it’s a cake, and everyone loves cake, but it’s not the cure for cancer. If this cake is the highlight of the party, this is a bad party.

Mr. Tardy to the party Brandon hits on Angelique (Tonya’s daughter.) This dude is so shady!

I know what this party needs to liven it up, bikini hot tub time! Elena “What is hotter than little women in little bikinis?” I guess, but I’m pretty sure I could come up with a list… While the sextet are the only people at the party in swimwear, (which isn’t weird at all,) the rest of the party goers stand in the background and act like a murmuring backdrop for the little people fun and frivolity in the foreground. Elena invites “the other girls” (phew!  they’ve watched enough Real Housewives to get the lingo down in Episode 1,) to Las Vegas to watch her work as “Midget Lady Gaga.” The women are all offended that Elena uses the derogatory term “midget” which harkens back to the sideshow days.
Tonya “We are people, we are little.”
Elena says as long as she gets paid, she doesn’t care what she’s called.
Christy “I am a dwarf, I am a little person, don’t call me a midget. I prefer to be called Christy.”
Lots of bickering. And everyone else at the party is staring and uncomfortable. One of the women says that calling a little person “midget” is like using the “N word.” Tanya’s face begs to differ. But after some catty bikini arguing that resulted in no swimsuits being ripped off, (sorry disappointed men,) they all agree to disagree.

Todd gets a little drunk-sloppy and hits on Briana who keeps it classy and rebukes his advances. Christy is not a fan of seeing her man hug his ex. And you know that outspoken Christy isn’t going to let Todd get off on his drunk flirting.“I’ve had two long-term relationship take dumps on me.” M’kay.

But Todd insists that it’s Christy he loves and off they ride into the LA night, to definitely make sweet, sweet love.

So my questions:
1) where do little people buy high heels?
2) do little people metabolize alcohol differently than people of average stature?
3) Which woman is your favorite?

In case you missed it, here is an extended trailer for Little Women: LA.  Enjoy!

Take our Little Women: LA quiz & find out which cast member you’re most like!

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More Little Women: LA Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Quiz, Terra Jole Tells All, 7 Questions with Terra Jole

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