Dating Naked: the Lost Episode Recap

Of course, this episode isn’t really lost. This is the show’s pilot, something that was created by the producers to serve as a sales vehicle to VH1. I have seen images of the pilot since this summer when VH1 first contacted me about covering the show (I wrote an article for July’s Channel Guide Magazine, so I interviewed Amy Paffrath in May.) and I’ve been wondering if and when we’re going to meet the woman with the dark, curly hair and wondering if any of the couples clicked. I also have been wondering what changed between the pilot and the premiere episode: Did they use a different locale for the pilot? Was Amy a part of it? Were there shenanigans?

I guess all will be answered tonight on Dating Naked: the Lost Episode!

Hey this doesn’t look like Panama! But I have no clue where they are.

First we meet Joe, who is 38 from Newport Beach, CA. He’s into metal fabricating (which sounds like something my kid does when he plays Minecraft) but he’s also the lead singer of a band. How is a guy in a band unable to score women? Isn’t the the entire point of being in a band to meet women? He’s also been married before and has had a string of failed relationships, so maybe Joe has been “living like a rock star” a little too long. Joe is tired of potential dates getting to know him by looking online and creating an opinion beforehand.

Michelle (M.J.) she’s a spokes model for auto shows and lives in Michigan. She’s met a lot of guys, but not too many quality guys. Through this experience, she’s looking for honesty and vulnerability.

M.J. is nervous and Joe is hoping to avoid cold days and “excitement.”

Their first dates aren’t with each other. That’s weird.

Date #1
Valarie (from Chicago) has never had a serious relationship. It’s the dark-haired girl! She’s outgoing, balsy and delivers the epic line, “I can’t stop staring at your junk”
Their date is standing paddle boarding.

M.J. meets Felix who leans nonchalantly against a palm-tree. He is hot and has a sexy Polish accent. M.J. is surprised to see his uncircumcised penis.
Their date is kayaking. Felix thinks this date is a paradise, but M.J. isn’t feeling a connection yet. When they hop into the water to go snorkeling, they do hold hands, so perhaps the attraction is growing.

Over on the other date, Valerie reveals this is Honduras. The resort looks shady, but the beaches are amazing. Joe and Val make a salad (which is the worst date meal ever) and Valerie offers to be his dessert. He’s frisky! Then she starts talking about feminism, and Joe isn’t sure what to think about it. I’m confused by what she’s saying too. It’s a lot of words, but not a lot of substance. I blame editing.

Felix and M.J eat dinner together. Naked. Which is totally bizarre. Especially as M.J. points out, Felix’s genitals are covered by his napkin, but her breasts are very exposed. And, who wants to eat naked? Felix is European and open and basically seems like he’s there to get inside M.J.’s body. M.J. isn’t feeling the same.

While Valerie and Joe eat lobster, (which they’ve prepared — naked, which is revolting) they both reveal that they’ve lost their mothers. Valerie was a teen when her mother died, and Joe’s mother passed recently. Joe is seeing past Valerie’s sexual aggressiveness into the kind person she is. He’s intrigued.

Later, Joe and M.J. hang out clothed and spill details about their dates. They have a nice vibe together. I wonder if they’ll get to date each other.

Date #2
M.J. meets James who’s 25 and from the Atlanta. He seems comfortable being naked. James has a really huge chest tattoo and something else that is large, but admits that he’s nervous about being naked. Their date is golfing.

Joe meets Stacy from San Diego. She’s 29 and beautiful. Stacy says she feels like she needs to hide her chest because she’s used to wearing a bra. She says this isn’t the craziest thing she’s ever done, but she doesn’t offer any elaboration.

M.J. are having a sexual time golfing. They like talking about balls, and clubs and holes. Unfortunatley, where they’re “playing” golf is the worst patch of crab grass I’ve ever seen.

Joe and Stacy go jetskiing. Which is fun and Stacy looks like a commercial for naked water sports.

After getting a hole in one (not), M.J. and James bodypaint each other. James tries to paint a light hour on his “guiding light” but it looks exactly like a penis.

After water sports, Stacy and Joe to naked yoga. It’s a lot less awkward than on the other episodes because they’re doing yoga in a cabana on the beach. Who wouldn’t love naked yoga on a beach?

M.J. and James are feeling a connection and having a lot of fun relaxing and chatting.

Joe and Stacy are having deep conversations as they feed each other fruit. They’re digging each other too and kiss on the beautiful shore.

That night, Joe and M.J. recap their dates for each other. When Joe tells M.J. how beautiful Stacy was, M.J. feels jealous.

I must say, some of the best parts of Dating Naked was the drunken fun the Jungle cabana. This episode is definitely missing that fun.

Date #3
Amy Paffrath announces that for their third date, Joe and M.J. will be dating each other.
M.J. says “I’ve been waiting to see him naked for 3 days now, let’s do it.”
Now that they know each other, Joe is nervous to be naked in front of M.J., but she’s relaxed.

Their date is naked sailing. They are having a fun date but when the boom comes around, it nearly whonks Joe in the skull.

They eat fish on the beach (again why are they eating a meal naked?!!?) and M.J. is really feeling Joe. He does make a misstep when he presses M.J. to talk about her former best friend (M.J. revealed earlier that her ex cheated on he with her best friend)

After dinner, they enjoy a bonfire on the beach, then Joe gives M.J. a romantic massage and later, they cuddle on the beach.

Joe admits that he has a selection conundrum (my words, not his)
He’s incredibly attracted to Stacy.
Valerie, he’s not attracted to but he could build a relationship with.
And in the middle is M.J. (“MMMM, thanks,” Stacy must be thinking. “So he’s basically saying I’m neither hot nor interesting?!?”)

M.J. is really interested in Joe. I don’t think she interested in any of her other dates.

Selection Ceremony
The next morning at the selection ceremony, M.J. reveals that she had the least connection with Felix and wishes that he finds someone who loves being naked as much as he does.
Joe reveals that he had the least connection was Val.

When Amy delivers what I think was supposed to be the show’s catchphrase, “It’s time for the naked truth…” I’m glad that it was cut after the pilot. That would have gotten old.

M.J. chose Joe, because James was fun, but he’s still a boy.

Joe really liked Stacy — she’s gorgeous — and lots of fun, but he connected on a deep emotional level with M.J. so he chooses M.J. Yay.

I wonder if M.J. and Joe are still together or if the distance proved to much for their fledgling relationship.

So what did you think of the show’s pilot? I love the lush and tropical Panamanian resort much more. I also love the addition of the nighttime pool festivities. Alcohol + nudity + swimming pool = ratings. And don’t forget multiple people vying for the attention of the same person — jealousy is TV gold!

I also prefer the beautiful space that the selection ceremony takes place in Panama.

I thought it was interesting that in the pilot the date with the other loneyheart was last. That is an interesting idea and might heighten the anticipation a little, but once you know someone with their clothes on, it defeats the purpose of being naked in front of them.