Recap: The Bachelor premiere: Wait, 30 Girls?

Thirty women – an all-time high – competed for the first impression rose in the new season of The Bachelor on ABC. The 33-year-old Chris Soules, the handsome successful “Prince Farming,” introduced himself to last season’s Bachelorette Andi Dorfman, and female fans fell hard for the soft-spoken man with a heart of gold. This dreamboat farmer and wealthy businessman from Iowa is looking to fall in love and bring his wife back home. Chris says he truly believes he can find the right woman who will love him and share a life with him in his small Iowa town of Arlington. So, with the support of his family and the state of Iowa rooting for him, Chris begins his search for his soul mate, choosing from a record 30 beautiful bachelorettes in the 19^th edition of The Bachelor.

Catch up with some old friends
To kick off the three-hour event, Bachelor and Bachelorette fan-favorites came together for a special live viewing of the farmer-fantasy season premiere.

Sean and Catherine, now happily married, declared that they are “super boring,” but shared their plans for babies in the future. Sean freaks out everyone in America when he refers to giving birth as having a baby “pop out.” While Sean managed to make us all feel uncomfortable, Catherine did as well with her stylistic choice of wearing a sheer cape. Catherine you are not batman, put the cape down.

Marcus Grodd and Lacy Faddoul, Bachelor in Paradise champions and happily engaged couple, look like they just walked out of their high school prom, but what do we expect, it’s Lacy. They plan to get married in the near future, and Lacy humors America once again by using her infamous “80-40” line to explain the joint effort put into their future nuptials. Nevertheless, Marcus and Lacy are beautiful and happy so they probably deserve to be the prom king and queen anyway.

Andi Dorfman, last season’s bachelorette, and her fiancé, Josh Murray, pretty much owned the red carpet. They officially won best-bachelor-couple-of-the-century-award. As if they couldn’t get any more perfect, they began to discuss their love for the sweet farmboy, Chris, and Josh wishes his “boy” the best of luck in finding love. Both Josh and Andi agree that Chris is “the kind of person who is ready for [love],” and assure America that the hunky farmer will find a lady to take home, obviously.

Nikki Ferrell, another fan-favorite, shows up solo (but fab as ever) following her breakup with the sexy soccer-playing Juan Pablo, another former Bachelor. Chris Harrison begins to drill her with annoying and repetitive breakup questions. Nikki holds herself together and manages to put in a kind word for the ever-so-hated (how can anyone hate him??) Juan Pablo, explaining that the breakup was a matter of being in different places and having different priorities.

Most Entertaining Moments from “The Bachelor” premiere episode …
Let’s just take a moment of silence for all of the contestants that got wasted on the first night. Tara, a 26-year-old fishing enthusiast from Florida, and Ashley S, a 24-year old hairstylist from New York, made the mistake of having far too much fun on the first night. However, both girls were huge messes from the get-go.

Tara (pictured), the huntin’ and gruntin’ country girl showed up in cutoffs, boots, and a plaid shirt. While I admire her for being original … well, I take that back, I don’t admire her at all. Tara started the night off with a bang — or shots to be more exact — and her night just went downhill from there. By the rose ceremony, Tara could hardly stand, but she somehow managed to get a rose and hold on until next week.

Ashley S., the most awkward person in the world and the other disaster of the night, thought she found an onion in a tree, only to find out that the onion was a pomegranate, and that she was really drunk. Ashley S. also managed to stick around another week. Maybe she will find an onion; maybe she will find love … who knows.

While some girls got drunk, other girls just got weird.
Alissa, the 24-year-old flight attendant from New Jersey, made about 10 really lame jokes while on a plane, while Whitney, a 29-year-old fertility nurse from Illinois, told Chris that she “makes babies every day.”

However, the real weirdo of the night was Amanda (pictured), a ballet teacher from Illinois. Strike one: Amanda hates cooking, cleaning, and paying bills. Strike two: Amanda lives with her mother and describes herself as “f**king crazy.” Strike three: Amanda’s eyes were so crazy, the cameraman did like three close-ups on them. Amanda was sent home at the end of the night, so nice work Chris, you got rid of one of the crazies.

Kaitlyn, a strange 29-year-old dance instructor and Vancouver native, seemed to have won over Chris with her raunchy jokes, but I’m not buying it. She’s trash, and if she’s going to suggest her “fields get plowed” on the first date, she’s not a serious candidate for Chris.

Good First Impressions
Chris could not have picked a better girl to give the first impression rose to, Britt (pictured below), the 27-year-old waitress from LA is adorable and loves warm hugs. In other words, she is a human cupcake. Instantly, there are sparks between Britt and the Iowa native, and their first kiss (a little risqué for the first episode) almost feels magical.

Jade, a 28-year-old cosmetic developer and California native, clicks with the farm boy as she tells her tale of moving to the big city from her hometown in Nebraska. Chris makes a connection with her, and Jade actually impresses me. Jade unlike others, actually has a cool job and seems genuine.

The most genuine contestant this season is for sure the widow from Texas, Kelsey (pictured), a guidance counselor, who lost her husband a year ago. Although Kelsey lost her love, she believes that there is more than one soul mate out there for everyone, and she is willing to take a risk by starting a relationship with Chris.

Another frontrunner, Tracy, a fourth grade teacher from Florida, had one of the best introductions in Bachelor history. Rather than doing something stupid, Tracy went with the cute approach, and had her fourth graders write notes to Chris. Tracy is adorable and her intro was adorable, snaps for Tracy.

Becca, a 25-year-old chiropractic assistant from California, won best dressed of the night. Becca wore her sparkles well and paid her respects to booties across the world. Even Chris commented on her cute and shimmery dress.

Another Crazy Season
Like any other season of the Bachelor we brace ourselves for another wild ride, but this one we didn’t see coming. At the end of the episode, Kimberly (pictured), the yoga instructor from Long Island, decides to go back into the mansion after she did not receive a rose. Although we are unsure about her intentions, Kimberly seems angry and willing to get a little crazy if need be. Will Kimberly fight for her spot? Will Kimberly bitch about the too-drunk-to-be-functioning-girls? Or will Kimberly just make a fool out of herself? Who knows, this is the Bachelor after all.