Or maybe I should’ve called this one “Carrie On.” Decisions, decisions. Anyway, welcome back, Dance Moms nation. Everyone got their Big Gulp and their Sour Patch Kids ready for another hour of nothing to do with dancing? Good. Because we start out a mere three days to the next competition and in search of our newest new home till the mythical ALDC LA comes to fruition. Which, today, would be 3rd Street Dance.
Once again, Jojo’s in tow, even though she’s not supposed to be a part of the team. Jessalyn is Team Abby, so there’s that. Speaking of Abby, everyone wonders if she’ll make an appearance today, what with her nutty behavior and overwhelming need for me-time lately.
Yay! Dance Moms fashion moment! Holly got herself a hippie hat!
Holly also has a question: If she challenges Abby on her behavior, will the other mothers back her up? Jill says sure. The other mothers fidget and say nothing. We also find out that Holly has reached out to Aubrey O’Day, who was part of P.Diddy’s now defunct Danity Kane and was a supporter of Nia’s back at booty camp. Maybe something will shake out soon.
In the meantime, the good news is Abby has shown up for practice. The other good news is she’s properly groomed, bangs sky-high and Bumpit in place. The bad news … she thinks we’re a FAILURE.
Holly and Jill call shenanigans. The moms and dancers were there. The coach was not there. No good reason why. And they’re not about to get one, either, says Abby.
And another Dance Moms fashion moment! Holly is wearing some sort of gold bespangled V for a shirt in her aside.
In the studio, she tells Abby that Nia is the only member of the team from whom she regularly takes things away. Abby says that’s a bold-faced lie. Abby asks Nia for comment. Nia says nothing. Abby excuses the girls to go dance, but Holly isn’t finished. Holly has had it.
“I’m not the new Christi and I’m not the new Kelly and Nia is not the new Brooke, Paige or Chloe,” she howls, turning on the other mothers and calling them cowards before leaving the room in a tearful rage.
This is the look you shall get when you invoke the names of mine enemies. I shall eat you alive. Also, check out my cleavage!
Not sure if Holly is talking to a producer or what, but in what could possibly be the first truly honest emotional moment we get from an adult on this show, she tells the off-camera someone that she and Nia deserve better than this abusive woman.
Oooohhhh, Abby’s tellin’. She calls up Aubrey O’Day Recording Artist and tattles on Holly while the other mothers and dancers stare at her awkwardly. Aubrey is Abby’s friend not your friend, Holly. No room for you on this part of the playground. Abby’s but two degrees of Diddy, and you, madam, are not.
Let’s do the pyramid, which Abby doesn’t even pretend to give a $#!+ about anymore.
JoJo’s bottom of bottom because she’s not even on the team. In fact, she’s not even part of the pyramid. Let’s put her picture over here. Nia’s next. “You” — AKA Kendall — is next. Good with that? A terrified looking You nods silently. Row two is Kalani and Mack … blah blah blah, nothing much to talk about. Maddie’s at the top because the sun came up today. Interesting to note, though, how the girl looks at her mentor.
This week, we will be going to Sheer Talent where Abby is sure we will win every single everything … whoops … nope … she is sure we will be humiliated and embarrassed. There ya go, coach! That’s the kind of good work that they’re writing checks for!
Kendall gets a solo. So does Jojo, even though she’s not part of this competition team and … oh, what the hell ever. The mothers and dancers stare at Abby who starts awkwardly licking her lips, then tears up and hollers at the people she is not mad at about the one she is. Then she caps it by announcing that she’s over this and over them and over dance. And outie.
Whoa.
Jill wonders if she’ll ever come back. Of course she’ll come back. It’s in the contract. The monster she created may be biting her hard in the ass, but it is her monster to feed.
And next day, there she is. Nia and Holly are still MIA. No Mom Loft either, so Moms may stay if they keep their yips shut. Who’s betting on a message dance?! Say, one about children left to carry on after an explosion? In which an icky, mouthy, fashionable lady with a Ph.D and an overly developed sense of right and wrong, you ask Abby, is blasted all the way back to Pittsburgh where she never bothers Abby ever again. OK, I added the last part myself, but you know it’s what Abby’s really thinking. Or possibly worse.
Jill asks if maybe the kids would maybe focus better if the moms stepped outside and Abby says yes, but then how would she control their minds and comments from the other side of the door? We’re going anyway. Er, can we go? We’re going. This is us going. We promise we’ll be nice. Well, probably.
Since Jessalyn opens the door, Melissa says they’d way rather have Nia in the group than Jojo. Undeterred (which I’m pretty sure is actually her middle name), Jessalyn says that Holly created the open spot. Her girl just so happens to be here to fill it.
Turns out, Holly and Nia are otherwise — and happily — occupied with Abby’s friend Aubrey O’Day Recording Artist at the Boom Boom Room recording studio. Aubrey asks for the CliffsNotes on what led to yesterday’s phone call, then assures Nia and Holly that she supports their efforts to grab for the brass ring, Abby’s permission or otherwise. Every blooming rose needs a little dirt, reasons Holly.
You bloom, Miss Nia.
Kendall’s solo is called “Welcome to a New World.” Abby says it’s Bollywood themed and a lot of research went into the movements, which she’s pretty sure they nailed.
Jojo will be a prom queen. But not just any prom queen. A famous one! Named Carrie. As in Carrie Carrie. Bucket o’ blood, Carrie. Sissy Spacek with a bow in her hair. Quick break while I bang my head on my desk a couple dozen times. Couple more — Abby tells the preteen she has to see the movie to get the dance.
Bounce that one off your mother, Jojo. Although your mother will probably be just fine with it. Couple years of therapy is sooooo worth having a solo, you guys!
Abby tells the remaining dancers, none of whom have cracked a smile this entire episode, that they need to show up their missing counterparts who believe the team can’t win without them.
In the mom room, Jill and Jess snipe about whose kid’s solo will be better and whether yesterday was good or awful and what have you. Speaking of awful: Abby just flat-out said this: “It’s never the kid’s fault. But the kid always has to pay the consequences for the parents’ mistakes.”
No, Abby. They do not. They should not. And they’re paying for your mistakes, too. You should be ashamed. You need to be ashamed. Someday, hopefully, you will watch these seasons back and know that. These are kids who made you famous — not the other way around — and this is their reward? <steps off soapbox>
Next day, there’s no Abby, no Jessalyn, no Jojo, no Nia, no Holly. Melissa tells the girls that if Nia shows up, they have to work really hard to teach her the group dance fast. Maddie and Kendall say that will be tough because the timing and choreography are different from what they’ve done before. And they don’t want Abby to yell at Nia anymore than she already has.
And here’s Nia and Holly. Inexplicably, Holly says she still wants Nia to be a part of the ALDC, even though she’s doing other things, too. She’ll figure it out with Abby. Then Gia shows up to collect the girls for practice. While we’re oohing and aahing over Nia’s and Holly’s recording studio adventures, we get some news from Jess.
You take that back right now!
Then Gia — who, turns out, has the same ring tone as Kira — gets a call from Abby, who is very busy working on Jojo’s costume and is not the least bit impressed that Nia has returned to the fold. Holly went behind her back. No one goes behind Abby’s back and gets away with it. No Nia in the group dance, and that’s final.
Uck. Too much stress. Let’s have drinksies with the momsies. Including Jessalyn, who apparently left Jojo to deal with the lice all by herself. Holly and Jess get into it to the point of Holly losing her composure and calling Jess a lousy mother. Jess says Abby’s not right and Holly’s just displacing her feelings toward Abby. Jess actually kind of looks like the rational one in this exchange, sitting there serene amid the pansies.
Even though they are only spectators, Nia and Holly arrive at the competition first and settle in for a little mother-daughter chat about life and what’s right while Abby soaks up a little love outside.
Abby spies Nia and hands her a bag, saying she got her a little treat. I half expect it to be an Aubrey O’Day CD or maybe the disembodied head of a racehorse, but it’s not. It’s a message shirt.
<chortle>
Jess tells Abby she looks very nice. Jill says they’re happy to have her back. Abby says she was never gone. She was just doing better things with better people, so nerny nerny. Jill doesn’t take the bait.
Jojo has recovered from her affliction …and guess what else?
Or maybe not.
You have to be kidding me. This is happening. And Jessalyn is letting this happen.
Plus Abby just told the kid she’s not psycho enough. Oh trust me, Abby. She’s plenty psycho enough. Just in the way an over-indulged 11-year-old should be and nothing more. Nothing more. Points to Jess for not letting the child watch a movie she has no business watching. But Abby’s ticked.
Meanwhile, the pressure is getting to poor Kendall. And so is her supertight costume. Abby gives her what is as close to a pep talk as Abby can get these days.
Kendall is up first. And it’s hot in the arena. Abby’s fanning herself.
Kendall dances beautifully … until her music stops mid dance. And she dances on. In a saucy aside Kendall says she sang the rhythm to herself and “I got this, judges, you better give me a perfect score.”
Love.
Time for the preteen Prom Queen.
Gulp. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Abby says she was just meh, and that is because she didn’t watch the movie and didn’t embrace the horror of what John Travolta did to Sissy at the prom.
Time for Collateral Damage: The Dance. It’s meh, too. Backstage, the girls do a little put-Jojo-in-her-place and then it’s time for “adjudicated awards.”
Jojo’s solo gets fifth. Kendall gets second.
Group wins.
Abby says the week ended on a high note.
After she takes her leave, the mothers fuss over who should have been in the group dance and who shouldn’t have. Holly says the mothers give good lip service now, but then they say nothing when Abby gets in the room.
Jessalyn says you’re welcome that they won with Jojo’s help.
Next week on Dance Moms, Mackenzie gets a solo about The Exorcist. I’m kidding. I think.
So what say you, Dance Moms nation? Did Holly overstep her bounds? Did you love hearing Nia sing? How’s about that Carrie solo?! How’s about that Kendall? Sound off in the comments section below.
New episodes of Dance Moms premiere Tuesday nights at 9/8CT on Lifetime.