10 days ago, 12 survivalists were brought to the Colombian badlands in what can only be described as the world’s toughest survival challenge: No Food, No Water, and no Clothes. They’ve been divided into four groups in the area’s four distinct topographies and already, one of the survivalists has been unable to continue in the harsh and unforgiving environment and tapped out.
Jeff, Hakim and EJ begin their journeys in the hot and volcanic Roca Diablo (Devil Rocks), but Hakim tapped out on day 4. Jeff and EJ have located a water source and caught fish.
Laura, Eva and Dani are in the scrubby desert of Rio Negro (Black River) where they have been able to catch and eat small minnows.
In the swampy jungle of Cano Verde (Green Canyon), Luke and Chris are dealing with unpredictable partner Honora who threw several of their survival items into a river.
In El Bosque (The Forest), Alana and Danielle are critical of unstable partner Shane, who, despite worrisome statements, has been his team’s workhorse and has even made a workable bow.
Let’s join the eleven remaining survivalists on Day 10…
Luke (Who has the patience of a saint) tells Honora that he’s done with her. In the last episode, she threw Luke’s water bottle knife into the river. She also stole Chris’ fishing wire and tossed it into the jungle. And although she threw her knife into the river, Luke found it and returned it to her. And she still treats him like garbage. I would have given her a swift slap across the mouth.
Honora, still steaming, decides to tap out. And as a final insult to her teammates, she leaves with her machete. She came back on the show because when she was in the Brazilian sand dunes, she was “Medically evacuated” after blowing up at her partner. This time, she willingly tapped out. Perhaps she needs to realize that it’s not her survival skills that fail her, but she fails herself.
Over in Manland, EJ and Jeff are hungry. Powerful hungry. Their attempts at hunting and fishing have been unsuccessful. But they find a turtle, who looks remarkably like the turtle that Alana found near her camp, but let go. They take their pet back to camp where they make a pen before gathering water.
In Ladyland, hunger is raging too. Eva and Laura, longtime friends, are unknowingly shutting out Dani.
Shane, whose work ethic is unwavering, is annoyed by the laziness of his partners.
Now that Honora is gone, Chris freedives in the river and is able to find Luke’s water bottle and knife. The ability to undo some of Honora’s damage is a major victory for the men. And, they have something to toast with when drinking pretend beers.
Back at EJ and Jeff’s camp, they stumble back into camp and find — surprise, surprise — Yertle has disappeared! Upon seeing that dinner has strolled away, EJ reflects, “Hunting is serious business. Killing creatures needs to be done with reverence, grace and thankfulness.” I wouldn’t count on EJ remembering this moment of karma longer than it took for him to utter that cliché. I bet the next time they catch food, he’ll still scream at it.
Day 11
Dani doesn’t know her place in the group and walks alone in search of food. A change in the wind wafts the smell of smoke into Dani’s nose and she heads off to investigate.
Luke and Chris dine on almonds and Black Palm fruit “Nature’s candy.” Dani stalks them, which is beyond weird; people with food would be my new BFFs. Once they discover her, Chris and Luke find it strange that Dani was lurking outside of their camp, instead of coming to say hello like a normal person. Who isn’t happy to see other people? But, Dani is an otherwise cool and hard-working and considers moving in with team Bromance and hints that she may being her soul sisters too.
Luke and Chris aren’t too keen on 3 more hungry mouths joining their camp.
Over in El Bosque, Danielle sees the capybara that Shane shot archery practice at a few days ago, but shoots down his idea to build snares. A lividly frustrated Shane leaves the camp, swearing off his teammates.
Laura and Eva catch minnows and miss their teammate. But they don’t miss Dani enough to save any fish for her. Good thing the guys fed her. Once she’s back at camp, she tells Eva and Laura about the guy’s bounty and admits that she had wanted to leave the camp. But suddenly, she also wants to stay with her team. It may have been a inelegant edit, but I’m confused — does she want to live at the guy’s camp, or be with her gal pals, or merge the two?
Day 12
Jeff and EJ are still mad at the loss of their turtle and after a lip-smacking dinner of 2 grasshoppers, a cockroach and a lizard, they consider looking for a camp with better resources.
Day 14
Shane has moved out of camp and builds himself a pretty sweet vine hammock. I know that Shane is bizarre, but he’s really entertaining to watch. I’m sure Alana and Danielle are wonderful people and great survivalists, but they make terrible TV. It’s beyond boring. I like having Shane around to inject a bit into the unknown into their world.
That night, the starving ladies of Rio Negro try night fishing in the caiman-infested water. Their nets come up empty and they decide to move into the guy’s camp.
Day 15
Shane’s work on Camp numero dos continues. While his partners slather themselves with mud, he ruminated on his dislike for them and decides that he wants them to “earn” their survival experiences. He’s tired of toiling for their benefit. Which is true, but really spiteful. When he tells them they’re lazy, Alana tells Shane, “Survival has to be lazy.” In that case, I would be awesome at surviving!!! I survive every weekend.
The season-long XLR is the survival rating of the team, which fluctuates as the teams find success and failure. In the second episode, the team’s scores are as follows:
The gaining and then losing of a major meal keeps EJ and Jeff’s PSR at 7.1 out of 10.0
Uncertainty leads to Eva, Laura & Dani’s PSR plunging from 8.6 to 7.7 out of 10.0
Trouble in the group makes Danielle, Alana & Shane’s PSR dip from 7.3 to 6.9 out of 10.0
Now that Honora has left, Luke and Chris’ PSR rises from 6.6 to 7.0 out of 10.0
Survival Stuff
Jeff: Fishhook and line
Hakim: Magic ninja blade
EJ: Unknown (Maybe a pot?)
Laura: Bow Drill kit
Eva: Pot
Dani: Mosquito net
Luke: Water Bottle
Chris: fishing kit (Lost)
Honora: Bow Drill kit
Danielle: Unknown
Alana: Unknown
Shane: Metal Canteen
My thoughts:
I was sad to see Honora leave so early in this episode. She was a train wreck that I’m sure sucked to live through, but was fun to watch. My Hilarious coworker calls that a “Dumpster fire.” It’s sucks, and stinks, but you can’t look away. I like it.
When EJ and Jeff managed to lose their turtle, it seemed more like a moment that would happen on Alaskan Bush People, not on a show with elite survivalists.
I’m confused by Dani.
I’m also confused by Shane. What used to be fear is turning to fearful admiration. I wonder how he would do if paired with Dani… she’s a strong loner too. That could be interesting.
Phew! I’m back to being caught up with my Naked and Afraid XL episodes. Just in time for me to head to LA for the Television Critic Association’s Summer Press Tour.
Has anyone watched any episodes of Alone on History channel? I’d love to know what more about it. My brother-in-law told me that it’s great, but I have yet to catch an episode.