Recap – The Mother/Daughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition Episode 2 – “Headlines Don’t Lie …” (Lifetime, original airdate 3/8/16)
Here are my three main takeaways from tonight’s episode of The Mother/Daughter Experiment:
1) Somehow Heidi and Natalie are BFFs now. I don’t know how/when/why, but whatever.
2) We might as well just call this show Other Celebrities Watch Courtney Sodden and Her Crazy Mom Be Crazy.
3) Krista has no idea what an actual medical emergency is. God help her if anything real ever happens.
The episode picks up right after where Episode 1 left off: Courtney and Krista are in their room, fighting and sobbing and arguing and dramatizing. Out in the kitchen, the other ladies have assembled themselves into cliques: most of the daughters; most of the moms; Heidi, Natalie and Jessica. The latter are drinking and acting crazy, and Josie is not impressed with the fact that her mom’s hanging with daughters instead of the other moms. And really, Jessica’s not being cool to her kid — she’s too busy being cool for Heidi and Natalie. (Natalie even says “Jessica’s WAY cooler than Josie in my book.”) Josie stalks off to her room and Jessica goes after her to see what’s up. But it’s clear it’s out of a sense of “have to” rather than “want to.”
Jessica goes into the hall, and Natalie stands over her, laughing, as Jessica laughs, “I don’t wanna be the mom this time.” Were you ever, Jessica? Were you ever? Prompted by Kim, who reminds her that she’s the mother (I respectfully disagree), she heads outside to check on Josie, who’s gone outside to talk to her boyfriend. Josie brushes her off and Jessica heads in. “Uh, I tried.” No, Jessica, you really didn’t. (But Jessica and Josie end the night on good terms: “Can you just take a Xanax and let’s go to sleep.”)
Natalie and Heidi head outside to talk some shit about the others. When did they become BFFs? They hated each other just hours ago. They’re as confused as the rest of us as to why Krista would let — nay, encourage — Courtney to marry a way-older dude, and they’re going to get to the bottom of it.
The next morning, group therapy starts anew. Everyone has a bag, and they’re supposed to have put something in the bag that represents a resentment in the relationship. Courtney starts: she has champagne glasses, and is upset because her mom missed her 21st birthday and she woke up to press and interviews. Krista does a terrible job apologizing (I feel like she should say “sorry not sorry” — she’s pretty transparent). Krista has a total WTF item in her bag: some sort of something-or-other representing her talent agency. Because she wanted Courtney to meet her awesome clients, of course. (She’s totally just shilling for herself.) Courtney’s shocked; she thought something more important would be in the bag. Everyone else is kind of like, “Uh, WTF?” too. Way to turn therapy into a marketing opportunity, weirdo. Krista doesn’t seem to know how to be a mom. Seriously.
Shar has a turkey; she’s upset that Cassie missed Thanksgiving. (To be fair, Cassie was meeting her boyfriend’s family — nothing unexpected or unusual. And Dr. Debbie sides with Cassie here.) Kim and Kimberly each have nothing in their bags. They can’t think of anything because they each feel the other is always there for them. Um, wait. Why are they in therapy, then? There’s an intriguing shot of Jessica and Josie looking bored and picking at their nails, here. Heidi [to the camera in a confessional, talking about Kim and Kimberly], “Whatever. I may be the one with plastic surgery, but you’re the one that’s being fake.” 🔥 Nice burn. 🔥
Josie has a pom-pom, because her best memories are from cheerleading, and Jessica missed out on all of that. She really wishes she’d been there to help her. Natalie has a VIP pass to represent everything she’s been doing in Hollywood that her mom’s missed out on (but mom apologizes and tells her she’ll be there for her going forward). Heidi’s upset because her mom was unsupportive at her wedding, and they got in a fight. She really did make it seem to her mom that the wedding was more of a TV event than a love event, and Darlene says she and the others in the family felt totally left out during that wedding. Everyone seems to be making progress so far, except Courtney and Krista.
After therapy, there’s lunch, and Krista drops a bomb: Doug asked her out first, but she said no because she was married. Then he moved on to Courtney. WHAT?! I mean … WHAT?!?! That’s not creepy at all [note sarcasm]. What married woman says, “Well, this dude asked my married ass out, and I said no but let him stick around, and then I was totally cool with it when he fell in love with my sixteen-year-old daughter.”
Therapy’s not over for the day. That evening, Dr. Debbie rounds them up for another exercise. As celebrities, mistakes often become headlines and wind up affecting loved ones. So tonight, a reporter from Hollywood News will conduct an interview, confronting some of them with tabloid headlines about their loved ones, to see how they react. Krista lies and fibs, and fibs and lies, and Courtney is understandably resentful. Heidi’s mom talks too much about plastic surgery, yada yada yada. Jessica has no comment on the headline about Josie being busted for DUI, and Josie runs outside to tell her it’s okay to talk about it. (It’s like this grand gesture scene from a movie as she runs out there to tell her mom it’s okay to discuss, but it’s totally anticlimactic.) Kimberly handles a headline about Kim going to rehab well. Courtney is sad because everyone else seems to be having breakthroughs, but she and Krista are stalling.
Aaaaaand, we’re back to vomit. It’s not Heidi, though. (She’s less of a hot mess today. I was hoping for more drama. I’m sure there’s plenty to come.) Courtney’s throwing up in the bathroom, and she thinks it might be stress. Krista wants to get her a pregnancy test (“Do you want an EPT or whatever they call it?”) because she suspects that could be the culprit, and then she goes off the deep end. It’s almost like she’s been such a meh kind of mom all along that she’s trying to make up for it by overcompensating. She calls 911 and tells them her daughter needs to be rushed to the hospital. Dr. Debbie thinks this all may be due to stress, too, and talks to Courtney about her nerves and what she’s dealing with. Mom Krista swoops in, crying, very upset. This is a big deal in her eyes. (Any woman with a toddler would be like, “Yeah, this is not a big deal. This is a Tuesday.” Any woman who’s ever dealt with a chronically ill family member would throw Krista out of a window right now. <I have dealt, and I do want to.>) She muses, “Maybe you are pregnant. You know, I man, some people still get their periods when they’re pregnant.” NO THEY DON’T, KRISTA. As they wait for the paramedics, Krista remarks that she’s having “sympathy sickness.” Maybe I am too, because I also want to puke. “I’ve just heard too many stories of people not getting help in time,” Krista says. KRISTA. Courtney is upright and sentient! Calm the hell down.
Courtney, still poised and prim (what the fresh hell? how?) is taken by ambulance (dramatic music!) and everyone’s like whaaaaaat?. Heidi says, “That’s so crazy. She has oxygen on and everything.” Really. Really Heidi. Come on. As the ambulance pulls away, someone (Krista? Darlene?) says “Pray for her, Heidi.” “I will, for sure,” she responds.
Next week, hopefully we’ll find out if Courtney is a) pregnant b) stressed c) suffering from a common stomach virus or d) dying. My money is on a combination of b and c.
The Mother/Daughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition airs Tuesday nights at 10pm ET/9pm CT on Lifetime.
Images © 2016 Lifetime/A&E Television Networks.