Articles by Ryan Berenz

About Ryan Berenz

Member of the Television Critics Association. Charter member of the Ancient and Mystic Society of No Homers. Squire of the Ancient & Benevolent Order of the Lynx, Lodge 49, Long Beach, Calif. Costco Wholesale Gold Star Member since 2011.

Super Bowl XLIII Commercials: Who Are These People Who Like The Clydesdales?

February 2, 2009 Ryan Berenz

So I’m perusing the USA Today Ad Meter from the Super BowI, and like every year, I must ask: Who are these people who like the Budweiser Clydesdales? Never underestimate the public’s love for schmaltz. In all, a better crop of ads than the past two Super Bowls. Nothing too spectacular, but nothing really horrible, either. My Five Best 5. Castrol Edge Chimps (grease monkeys!) have made a man their king. Strange days indeed. 4. Doritos “Crunch Power” A man discovers the crunch of his Doritos grants him awesome powers. But when the bag runs out, he is hit by […]

10 Items Or Less: One Day At A Time

January 29, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Leslie and Carl are in drag, doing a stakeout for shoplifters when they discover a woman trying to steal a bottle of booze. Turns out the woman is Mrs. Mednick, Richard’s mother, and she’s got a little drinking problem. Rather than send her to qualified alcohol rehabilitation experts, Leslie decides to get Richard’s mom off the sauce with his own methods. Leslie decides to take the opposite approach to Alcoholics Anonymous and remove the anonymity part — he makes her wear two red As on her sweater to identify her as an alcoholic (or an adulteress?). When […]

Super Bowl XLIII On NBC

January 26, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Cubicle QB Now that we’ve covered NFL Network and ESPN’s Super Bowl XLIII media blitz, we’ll look at the network that’s actually airing the Super Bowl on Feb. 1. Here’s NBC’s Super Sunday broadcast day, which is going to include every football analyst you’ve ever wanted to hear from … and Matt Millen: NBC Super Bowl XLIII Sunday Broadcast Schedule (All Times Eastern) The Today Show (9-11am): A live, two-hour edition of Today with Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry and Al Roker. Meredith, Al and Ann will give viewers a rare behind-the-scenes look the sights, sounds, parties […]

ESPN Will Not Be Undersold On Super Bowl XLIII Hype

January 26, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Cubicle QB Not to be outdone, the Worldwide Leader is gang-tackling Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa from just about every angle imaginable, including angles that are illegal outside the state of Florida: ESPN Networks Super Bowl XLIII Week Coverage (All Times Eastern) Super Bowl-related content across 16 ESPN platforms: ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNEWS, ESPN Classic, ESPNU, ESPN Deportes, ESPN HD, ESPN2 HD, ESPN International, ESPN.com, ESPN Radio, ESPNRadio.com, ESPN Deportes Radio, ESPNdeportes.com, ESPN The Magazine and ESPN Mobile properties More than 90 hours of Super Bowl-related programming on domestic television from Tampa More than 65 hours of Super Bowl-related […]

NFL Network Tackles Super Bowl XLIII

January 26, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Cubicle QB So the hype machine for Super Bowl XLIII is in full swing this week, and NFL Network is going with the all-out media blitz again. Here’s everything you can see on NFLN between now and Monday morning’s wrap up: NFL Network Super Bowl XLIII Coverage (All Times Eastern) Monday, January 26 10:00 AM – America’s Game: The Missing Rings – 1969 Minnesota Vikings 11:00 AM – America’s Game: The Missing Rings – 1981 San Diego Chargers 12 NOON – America’s Game: The Missing Rings – 1998 Minnesota Vikings 1:00 PM – America’s Game: The Missing Rings […]

“My Name Is Earl” Darnell Outed, Part 2

January 23, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Darnell, Joy and the kids are under witness protection, and they’ve been given new identities as the Rosensteins. Darnell’s excited, because he already speaks Hebrew. But Joy’s not happy being frumpy Phyllis Rosenstein, maker of clothing for dogs. Meanwhile, Earl and Randy discover that Joy and Darnell’s mail is being forwarded somewhere. So Earl and Randy pack themselves into a crate and mail themselves. But they end up in a Dumpster full of undeliverable mail, where Earl discovers a letter sent to Joy from the Estrada or Nada show. One of the final Estrada or Nada contestants fell ill from […]

10 Items Or Less: Star Trok

January 23, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Leslie wants to drum up business from geeks by having a Star Trek convention in the Greens & Grains, but he can’t get permission from Paramount Pictures. Proving that you can rip anything off as long as you change it slightly, Leslie settles for a Star Trok convention, and invites Trek cast members to attend. While in the middle of a reenactment, there’s a big explosion. The compressor for the meat freezer blew out. So while Leslie is dealing with the situation, Jolene Blalock shows up. But before she can bail out on Leslie’s faux-Trek convention, another […]

Lucy Liu Enlivens A Sexy New Nemesis For Spike’s “Afro Samurai” Sequel

January 22, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Spike presents the follow-up to 2007’s animated series Afro Samurai with the original movie Afro Samurai: Resurrection, premiering Jan. 25. Set in a lawless world that is part feudal Japan and part future wasteland, solitary warrior Afro fights demons from his past while battling would-be assassins at every turn. Samuel L. Jackson returns as the voices of Afro and his sidekick Ninja Ninja. Joining the voice cast are Lucy Liu as Afro’s new nemesis, Sio, and Mark Hamill as Bin, Sio’s servant. Bent on revenge against Afro, the cunning and beautiful Sio isn’t your typical baddie, and Liu made it […]

10 Items Or Less: Eye Can See Clearly

January 19, 2009 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Don “The Bags” Bagley is back, and he’s now practicing medicine. That’s right, “The Bags” packed groceries at SuperValueMart to pay for medical school, and now Leslie is opening Bagley’s LASIK eye surgery clinic right in the Greens & Grains. But Yolanda thinks this is a huge mistake, as she wanted to open the first Yolanda’s Tube Top Shop in that space. So Yolanda busts in the clinic just as Leslie is having laser eye surgery, and the procedure gets messed up, leaving Leslie blinded. Yolanda feels responsible, so she takes care of Leslie at her home […]

“My Name Is Earl”: Darnell Outed, Part 1

January 16, 2009 Ryan Berenz

The talent game show Estrada or Nada (featuring Erik Estrada and American Idol castoff cohost Brian Dunkleman) is doing auditions in Camden County, and Earl sees this as an opportunity to cross “ruined Joy’s chance at being on TV” off his list. It was Joy’s childhood dream to be famous, but that dream slowly died as the years went on. And it died for good when Earl used Joy’s Fear Factor audition tape for shooting skeet. So Joy gets on for the audition, performs a contortionist “Crustacean Sensation” crab walk, and gets rejected by the judges. She throws a fit […]