Articles by Ryan Berenz

About Ryan Berenz

Member of the Television Critics Association. Charter member of the Ancient and Mystic Society of No Homers. Squire of the Ancient & Benevolent Order of the Lynx, Lodge 49, Long Beach, Calif. Costco Wholesale Gold Star Member since 2011.

“My Name Is Earl”: Gangs Of Camden County

October 5, 2007 Ryan Berenz

“The Gangs of Camden County” finds Earl asked to the warden’s (Craig T. Nelson) office. The warden heard about Earl’s helping out Camden Scout Glenn get paroled, and now the warden wants Earl to help settle the dispute between the Latin gang (led by Hector) and the black gang (led by Jamal). Earl will get a month off his sentence if he can intercede in the gang war. It seems that Jamal and Hector were once put in confinement together for a month to settle their differences. But not only did Jamal and Hector make peace, they became secret lovers. […]

MLB Playoffs On TBS

October 3, 2007 Ryan Berenz

The MLB playoffs start today, and for the first time, TBS will have exclusive coverage of the Division Series. TBS also has coverage of the National League Championship Series, alternating between NLCS and ALCS with FOX for the next seven years. I’m curious to gauge public sentiment on how the TBS exclusive deal is going to mess with TV viewers who don’t have cable. There’s no over-the-air coverage of games on TBS, even for teams’ local markets. So imagine you’re a Cubs fan (hurts, I know) and they’re in the NLCS. You don’t have cable TV, so you’re going to […]

“My Name Is Earl”: Inmate 28301-016

September 28, 2007 Ryan Berenz

The one-hour Season 3 premiere of My Name Is Earl, “My Name Is Inmate 28301-016, Parts 1 & 2,” finds Earl doing the time for Joy’s crime. Earl’s not fitting in with the prison cliques, but he finds Sonny (Remember him? The beer-tag guy?), who helps him stay invisible (mostly by hiding behind fat guys) and safe in the slammer. Earl also finds Glenn, a Camden Scout he once duped into breaking into a house, in prison. Earl realizes he led Glenn to a life of crime, and that he can cross Glenn off his list by helping him earn […]

FSN’s Best Damn Sport Science Show Period

September 27, 2007 Ryan Berenz

Is there any “hang” in Michael Jordan’s hang time? What is a bigger target: an elite NFL receiver or an elephant? Could you jump out of a second-story window without getting injured? (I’m going to find out right now.) Questions such as these that have gnawed at your soul will finally be answered as FSN premieres Sport Science Sunday, Sept. 30 at 9pm. This new series of one-hour shows looks to explain sports stuff with science stuff. (Will they also explain why jock stuff and nerd stuff shouldn’t mix?) Sport Science uses motion-capture technology, CGI, high-speed cameras and biomechanical sensors […]

FOX TV Dads Pick NFL Games

September 21, 2007 Ryan Berenz

FOX got the dads from its “Wildest Shows on Earth” Sunday animated lineup to pick this weekend’s NFL games. Homer Simpson of, uh, The Simpsons, Hank Hill of King of the Hill, Peter Griffin of Family Guy and Stan Smith of American Dad all weigh in on this weekend’s slate. We’ll check back on Tuesday to see how they did. Just remember guys: When you participate in sports, it’s not whether you win or lose — it’s how drunk you get. I’ve always wondered who’s actually writing these interviews with cartoon characters. Do they get a writer from the show, […]

Just How Hot Is Natalie Gulbis, Exactly?

September 18, 2007 Ryan Berenz

On Sept. 19 at 10pm ET, GOLF CHANNEL brings back The Natalie Gulbis Show reality series for a six-episode third season. If you don’t already know, Gulbis is golf’s pin-up girl. She’s highly photogenic and has a magnetic personality, and has been at the forefront of the LPGA’s attempt to sex up the sport. We’re fine with that. If you’ve got looks to go with the golf skills, go ahead and flaunt it. Here’s a little preview of the season, and a few details from GOLF CHANNEL: Wednesday’s premiere episode will go behind the scenes with Natalie at all of […]

Pugilism Pay-Per-Postponement

September 13, 2007 Ryan Berenz

Usually when we promote a Pay-Per-View boxing event in Channel Guide Magazine, we have an office pool to see who picks the date closest to when the fight gets canceled. (OK, we don’t. But we probably should.) Boxing’s highly anticipated fall schedule has gotten off to a rocky — no pun intended — start. First, the Sept. 15 Fernando Vargas vs. Ricardo Mayorga PPV fight was scrapped when Vargas was found to have anemia. And last Friday, the Sept. 8 “Fireworks” card featuring Juan Manuel Marquez vs. Rocky Juarez got dumped when Marquez developed an infection in a cut on […]

Notre Dame At Michigan: The Battle Of Who Stinks Less

September 13, 2007 Ryan Berenz

I’m pretty sure that this isn’t what ABC had in mind when they scheduled the Notre Dame at Michigan game on national TV (Saturday at 3:30pm ET). Both teams are 0-2 after Michigan was upset by Appalachian State and then got pummeled 39-7 by Oregon (both losses at home), and now they’ll be without QB Chad Henne. Notre Dame lost to Georgia Tech and Penn State by a combined score of 64-13. Touchdown Jesus is not pleased. This is the first time in history both teams have been 0-2 at the same time. Both teams’ seasons are wrecked, but one […]

Channel Guide’s Pigskin Preparedness Primer

September 7, 2007 Ryan Berenz

I have a tradition of writing a football preview in our company newsletter, Joined In Progress (JIP), every September. Since our office is located in Milwaukee and our parent office is in Chicago, and there is much animosity and trash talk between our two cities’ football fans, I always try to throw some fuel on the fire with an equally scathing preview of the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go public and share the preview with the masses (both of you guys). JIP Pigskin Preparedness Primer JIP’s NFL Insider Cubicle QB […]

Uh … Football?

September 7, 2007 Ryan Berenz

Man, these two-day work weeks are killing me. I tuned in to the NFL Kickoff Special last night on NBC. Mrs. Cubicle QB walks in while Kelly Clarkson is belting out some song, and asks me, “What the hell are you watching?” I’m like, “Uh … football?” I generally hate musical acts before sports events. I’m compiling a list of bands and artists that I want banned from all sports venues (and some of them are bands that I actually like). Having John Mellencamp also perform was like a swift kick to the privates, since we already have to suffer […]