Dance Moms

So we’ve reached the midterm of Dance Moms Season 3, Dance Moms nation. Everybody ready for a couple of reunion shows and a dab of a spring break before we have back at it come summer? But first we have two hours of midseason finale to get our tanks on “full” and get us through, so let’s get to it. While Abby’s taking stock of what numbers we have to get crackin’ on now that The View is behind us, Kelly actually asks her permission to take the solo-less Brooke to see a music manager. Abby says she’ll think about […]

As we open this week’s episode, Dance Moms nation, the Pitt Crew is setting up shop at Stepping Out Studios in New York City. Because not only are we all going to appear on The View, but we’re also attending a competition while we’re out here. The Masters of Dance competition. Our first time ever. It’s basically another in10sity Dance thing — in Bernardsville, New Jersey, not the Big Apple proper — so we’re hardly new to the setup, but whatever. We’re going. And so are Cathy and the Lad Apples. This is hardly a surprise. The pyramid has a […]

Abby’s got her cranky pants on again as we launch this week’s Dance Moms — in large part because the Dance About Democracy finished No. this in last week’s competition: And that don’t mean peace, boys and girls. Plus, not only are we getting beat by Cathy’s scab-a-rific imported Apples, we’re getting beat by, like, nobodies now. And this has got to change. Pyramid time. Mackie is bottom of the bottom because she didn’t dance. Then Paige. Abby — with a completely straight face — says Paige did a disservice to her country by holding the flag upside down in […]

After last week’s Dance Moms debacle against Cathy and the Lad Apples, the only thing Abby is impressed with this week is how Asia and Kristie were the first to show up for practice. After that, she wants to know how four strangers, taught by some dude they never met, still managed to tell a story via dance better than her own yahoos who have performed together since forever. Let’s take our rage to the pyramid. Bottom of the bottom is Mackie, by virtue of her injury. Then Brooke, who never works hard enough. Then Chloe, who shoulders the most […]

Quick prayer to launch this week’s recap, Dance Moms nation, because I feel it is required. At least for me. Dear sweet Jesus and the gods of dance, please let this Asia thing I know is coming be a one-or-two-episode Asia thing I know is coming, because I cannot handle any more than that of Kristie Ray. I just cannot. Otherwise, grant unto me some Asia/Kristie fans who can nicely explain why I should become one. And the part where the kid is 7 doesn’t count. The part where Yvette Walts is not here to turn Kristie into Pokey McChestbump […]

I would like to begin today’s Dance Moms recap by saying this: I have an officially licensed Dance Moms Abby Lee Miller “Bobblehips Figure” and you don’t. OK, maybe you do, since they are for sale right here for a mere $24.95. But the point is, I have one and it’s my new prized possession — at least for today — so there. Which puts me in a very good mood. Here she is making friends with Finger Zombie, who is my other prized possession. You’d think that after last week’s run of winning performances and victories over Cathy (and […]

And it’s another two-hour marathon, Dance Moms nation. Everybody strapped in for the ride? We’re goin’ on the bus! As we begin, Abby says she’s trying to figure out what they need to do to regain their former first-place mojo. Easy, Abby. Stop cosponsoring the competitions. Then she takes a swipe at Maddie for not finishing first, as well, and goes right on into the pyramid. [EDITOR’S NOTE: For those of you new to these recaps, I kinda do these pyramids backward and report them the way Abby uncovers the photos. So we’re basically climbing the ladder, so to speak.] […]

Here’s the good news, Dance Moms faithful. We had two hours to fill tonight and, once again, a decent portion of it was a pretty good time. Flirty, happy Abby. Booze-a-riffic moms. Another “Invitational featuring the Abby Lee Dance Studio” competition — this time in Minneapolis — so I can attribute all the losing to the part where you can’t really invite a bunch of people to your party and then win all the door prizes. I think I’m sensing a theme/business deal here in Season 3 — but whatever. Even if it was our party last week in Jersey, too, […]

Well, Dance Moms fans, we already know from last week’s preview that this episode’s going to be a tough one for any number of reasons, so I’m glad we get to the toughest right out of the gate. As we get underway, everyone files into the studio but Abby. Christi is hoping that Teacher skipped class so they get extra recess — but Abby appears and tearfully reveals that Broadway Baby succumbed to kidney failure the night before. Now I am the world’s biggest sucker for animals and the world’s biggest believer in the power of pets to comfort and […]