Wednesday nights have been reminding me that I’ll never be tall enough, or young enough, to model. Now Wednesday nights will remind me just how far removed my life is from a fashion designer. When I watch Project Runway, I’m generally in awe because I have NO idea how to do what they do. I can hem my pants, provided they’re not really good pants and they’re not lined. I have a Handi Stitch, although I’ve only used it once. That’s probably one time too many for a Project Runway contestant.
And this year’s batch is, well, fierce. At least Christian claims he’s fierce. Actually, it’s kind of a question because he inflects up at the end of his sentences. It comes across as “I’m kind of fierce?” I’m not going to go through all of them ’cause we all know some will be gone soon enough. There are just too many of them at this point to keep track. However, I did come up with some easy ways to remember some of the cast by comparing them to contestants past. We’ve got:
Ricky = Andre (Not due to lack of hair, it’s the instant weeping.)
Christian = Austin Scarlett (An emo-dark haired version)
Kevin = the straight guy, or Jeffrey (Thanks for clarifying. At least Kevin doesn’t have a neck tattoo.)
Elisa = Guadalupe (Can I have what you’re having?)
Victorya = Chloe (Yes, I know that they’re from different countries and that Asia is a large & diverse part of the world. I’m generalizing.)
Chris March = Jay
Steven = Kayne (One designed for drag queens, the other for pageants. Is it that different? Not in my mind.)
Carmen = Zulema (Former models turned designers.)
And the rest of them haven’t really clicked with me yet. They’re either bland or, GASP, original. Could Sweet P be the tattooed version of last season’s Laura? Maybe, I just don’t know yet.
So the contestants are coming into the Gotham Luxury apartments, introducing themselves & we’re generally setting up for the season to come. Oh, and at this point I can ask the question — why, in a luxury building, are there really ugly window HVAC units in seemingly every room? Why Gotham? Wasn’t there a more beautiful solution to your heating & cooling needs? There’s got to be.
FINALLY someone notices the cards on the bar and our contestants head to Bryant Park to meet Heidi and *sigh* Tim. Champagne flows, people dream about someday showing their line during Fashion Week, sorry, Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. Whatever, this show’s being brought to us by Saturn.
Heidi & Tim finally appear to put the kybosh on all this having fun stuff & begin the stress by telling contestants they have to reach tents that have been set up across the park. In said tents is fabric. Tons & tons of gorgeous, expensive fabric. The designers will then have 13 hours to create a piece that speaks of their ‘vision’ as a designer. Of course, it’s a race to the tents to get just the right fabric, or to just be a hog & take all of it to screw someone else. Ricky becomes endearing when he says that he’s going to “run like a Mexican running for the border.” Then you’ve got an out-of-shape contestant (Chris) who can’t run to save his life. He’s got the last laugh, though, as no one took the fabric he wanted anyway.
It’s at this point that we see Elisa staining some chiffon in the grass at Bryant Park. She’s apparently done this sort of thing before. All righty.
Cut to the sewing room. People get bitchy, Elisa does some whacked-out ‘trimming’ of her fabric to make it ‘mythical.’ She then says she’s ‘done’ about 2 hours before the end of the allotted time & takes a nap. While I love sleep, I’m thinking that wasn’t the best use of her time. And, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t see the ‘grass effect’ in the whacked-out train. But then again, I’m not a designer. Or stoned.
On runway day, the models come in & Tim reminds the designers to make use of the Bluefly.com accessory wall. I love how subtle this show is. Cut to commercial — Santino’s got a blog! Theoretically, on the Project Runway web site. I found his personal blog, but I don’t think that’s what he was talking about. Update: I did find a blog of someone who watched this episode with Santino. It’s pretty good. And he’s showing me around LA in his Saturn VUE! A more practical choice than the Sky Roadster, although it is awfully pretty.
And can I just say, although I’m thinking about purchasing an Astra in the future and, yes, the Astra is a more practical choice for a designer who has to lug stuff around, but it just doesn’t have the ‘oooohhh’ of the Sky. There, I said it. I can too, ’cause I’ve owned an SL1 for the past 11 years & it still runs.
So, yes, Heidi has explained all of the prizes, blah, blah, blah. Let’s start the show. I gotta admit, I like a lot of the stuff that comes down the runway. I even like the front of Elisa’s dress. The back is hideous, but I love the color of the bulk of the dress. I can’t get past that Victorya’s dress just looks like the model’s bra straps that fell down to me. It would drive me insane.
Rami’s gown is very well draped. It’s a bit Grecian to me, although Michael Kors said the shoulder flower was very MOB (Mother of the Bride). Thank you, Michael, I missed you. Michael also said that Simone’s model looked like she dressed in the dark. Heidi even comes out with a zinger when she says it looks like Elisa’s model was pooing fabric. Nice, she’s learning from the Kors-master.
They do the whole “will the following designers please step forward” to relieve the mediocre middle of the agony of standing on the runway. That leaves us with a little under half of the folks left to get the grilling. The winner turns out to be Rami, so good for him. Christian is looking a little peeved, but he’s saved next. He’s reminding me of the kid with the magic foot from Putnam County Spelling Bee. You know the one — when he gets a word right, his response is: “I know.” That’s all over Christian’s face.
The bottom two are Simone and Elisa and as we know, in Project Runway, it’s worse to be safe & badly constructed than wacky & edgy and poorly constructed. That means Simone’s snooze-fest is out, and Elisa is back for another week to entertain us.
Auf Wiedersehen, Simone, auf wiedersehen.
Coming next week, it’s SHOCKING! The challenge is SHOCKING! Events that occur are SHOCKING! It’s all SHOCKING! And, it appears to be a group project, which is always a good time.