No, we’re not done with auditions. It seems like we should be, doesn’t it? This episode, we’re in Atlanta, Ryan’s hometown, so of course Mom & Dad come to visit. I’m hoping I only hear Hotlanta once. Once.
First up is Joshua, a guy who works with glass and gets a slightly demonic look in his eyes as he sings. The judges go so far as to have him turn his back to them. He makes it through to Hollywood, but he’s one of those contestants that’s what I like to call the ‘load lightener.’ You know them — they’re the folks that early pioneers took with them on the journey West. They had a skill, and you knew they weren’t going to make it the whole way. So you use them while you can, and give them a nice sendoff when they go.
We’ve got a guy up next who auditioned right before Carrie Underwood. He’s kicking himself for not getting to know her better. Do I have to tell you he’s way show choir bad? When he pleads with the judges, he tells them that he’s got to make it through so that he doesn’t have to go to school. That’s a reason to audition for American Idol if I’ve ever heard one.
Paula montage! Apparently Paula has a hard time saying no. How this was different from any other season, I don’t know, but it’s cute.
The next contestant gets a mini-bio because she’s got a heartbreaking story. She called her dad on the way to auditions to tell him she was on her way. A half-hour later she got the news that her father died in a car crash. It’s genuinely touching, and she can’t get through her song. But it doesn’t matter, as she’s good enough and makes it through to Hollywood. None of the judges think they would’ve been able to audition given the circumstances. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to.
Puke. We have a mini Georgia Peach montage as a lead-up to the Florida version of Kellie Pickler. She wants to give Simon a hug and prove to him that pageant girls can sing. She’s Miss-Florida-backwater-something, I wasn’t paying that much attention to her ‘title.’ She gets some good feedback and she gets really excited and jumps up & down. When they tell her she’s going to Hollywood, she gets even more excited & has to hug all of the judges. When she’s out of the room, Simon calls her the most annoying person he’s ever seen in his entire life.
Bad singing montage! This time, it’s to “Glamorous” by Fergie. It’s one of the funnier montages they’ve done in a while. Seeing a stiff white girl ‘sing’ “If you ain’t got no money, take your broke a** home”? Priceless.
Southern Hospitality has given away to Southern sassiness. Next up is Eva — not to be confused with Eva the Diva from America’s Next Top Model. She’s singing Vanessa Carleton. And dancing. And falling. She’s really bad. So bad that Simon thinks she’s a joke auditioner. She looks him dead in the eye & says that it’s not a joke. When Simon finally believes her, he gives her a hug. He’s way, way nice to her. And, of course, she has a little meltdown when she comes out. Considering Simon could’ve chewed her up & spat her out, she should be a bit happier.
Next up is a girl in a Boy Scout shirt who brought her whole family, including her 90-something grandmother. She’s through. Wish I could say more, but it goes by pretty quickly.
My favorite part was the “Glamorous” singer who spelled “Glamorous” as G-l-a-r-u-s. I’m thinking that someone in the Chamber of Commerce in New Glarus, Wis., is already working on changing the lyrics to promote their town (“Hmmm … how we can work the phrase ‘America’s Little Switzerland’ in?”).