Ryan States The Obvious, We’re Down To 7 On American Idol

We must start Wednesday’s elimination show with the obvious. Someone’s going home tonight on American Idol. Thank you Ryan Seacrest, Rhodes Scholar.

And it’s time for the cheesy group number! The Idols are singing ‘One Sweet Day,’ that hit for Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. The Idols are thankfully not asked to do more than step up and sing. Then they have to switch position on the stage. The choreographers have officially given up when walking into a straight line is considered choreography.

We get a shout out to Scott Krippayne, the guy who wrote the craptacular ‘This Is My Now.’ If you Google ‘This Is My Now’ you’ll find a lyrics site that says ‘songwriter: N/A.’ Maybe Ryan’s trying to give these songwriters the credit no one knows to give them. Why not, Ryan. Why not.

Ryan asks for Jason Castro out of the gate first in our elimination fun. Oh, we’re doing the stand in groups and the last odd person out has to pick which group they’re in crap. So Jason’s just sent over to one spot on the stage.

David Cook gets asked if singing the Mariah song was emotional. No, Ryan, it was other stuff. Duh. David gets to stand on the other side of the stage from Jason. GASP! They’re not in the same group!

Carly Smithson’s up next and she thinks Simon’s been too hard on her this season. He tells her she needs to be pushed to be as good as she can be. Carly joins Jason. We don’t yet know what that means.

Kristy Lee Cook comes out of the gate with a white chain-linky tank top. We’re going trampy-country tonight. She gets sent to David Cook. Wow, I can’t believe I never noticed that they have the same last name until now. Maybe I’ve been too focused on Kristy Lee going home.

Ford Commercial! This time it’s to Queen’s ‘I Want To Break Free.’ The Idols are marionettes cutting their own strings and becoming Free! Free, I tell you, Free! I wish Dani from ANTM were here to call them ‘them string dolls.’

And now it’s time for Captain Caveman to sing! Hooray! I really liked Elliot, but the makeover they gave him was just awful. I appreciate that they fixed his teeth, and normally I don’t think this way, but cut the guy’s hair off. He’s gone way over the deep end into Semitic Grizzly Adams land and it’s not good. I love his voice though, and it’s cute that he’s got We Miss You Mom on his hand. I hope he didn’t steal that from David Cook.

We put the on stage Idols back in their places and we’re back to Ryan’s Sorting Game. He calls out Syesha Mercado next. She gets put with Carly and Jason. Brooke White is called out next, so you know she’ll be stuck over in Cook-land.

Poor David Archuleta. Called out last and will be made to choose. He’ll probably do the smart thing and not choose either one. Don’t play his little game David, it only brings heartache!

Speaking of Ryan’s little games, we have the crappy phone calls next. Joan has a question for Kristy Lee. She asks if she’s going to get to buy her horse back. The guy who bought the horse won’t sell the horse back. So Ryan pleads and Kristy makes a boo-boo face. A planted question asks the judges about National Recordstore Day on Saturday & asks what were the first 3 records they purchased.

The phone calls go horribly wrong when a 15-year-old girl tells Paula she’s the ‘Megan from her show’ and then gives shout-outs from her friends to various contestants. Her actual question is to describe her relationship with Simon in one of her songs. Denise asks for comparisons between various adjectives he uses to describe bad singers. And David Cook gets the ‘are you single’ question. Yes, ladies, he is! Squeal!

Then Mariah sings her new song ‘Bye-Bye’ of which I can take about 5 seconds before I have to start fast-forwarding through it. I’m not a fan, I never lied about that.

So we’re about to let David Archuleta out of his 17-year-old misery and have him pick a spot. We learn that he’s never been happier in his life. In a twist, he doesn’t have to pick a group, he’s just told he’s safe.

Then Syesha and David Cook are told to switch. Ooohh, tricky. Don’t pick a group, David! Ryan tells him to pick the group that’s safe, and he wisely sits down. David doesn’t pick up that Ryan moves to the safe group of David Cook, Jason Castro and Carly Smithson. They all sit by David Archuleta. All except for Carly, since she’s in a tight skirt and sitting on the floor would be a bit scandalous.

So the bottom 3 this week is Kristy Lee, Brooke and Syesha. Ryan says it’s especially tough because they’re roomies. Syesha is sent to safety first. This week it truly is the battle of the blondes — Kristy Lee and Brooke are the bottom 2. Simon predicts that Kristy will be going and Brooke gets defensive of her. Well Brooke, Simon was right. Kristy Lee is finally going home. Brooke is blubbering. Think of it this way, Brooke — wouldn’t it have sucked to have missed your sister’s wedding AND get voted out the next week? Ryan makes another plea for Kristy’s horse.

Now the question is, who will Vote For The Worst select next? Will the supposed curse of Sanjaya continue? Will it be replaced by the curse of Kristy Lee Cook? I don’t think she’s got the power of Sanjaya. She decides to sing her song right to Simon, sitting on his judges table. It’s creepy. She’s one of the contestants who doesn’t sound better the second time around. Oh well. She still gets to tour.