Posted by knockturn
Wow, a new episode? Finally …
Brian and Stewie are at Joel’s 2nd birthday party when Brian spots a girl across the yard. When she tells him she thinks magicians are hot, he tells her he’s a magician and would be happy to do a show for her kid’s party. Stewie volunteers to be his assistant, but at the party it turns out that this woman has a boyfriend and they they’re completely happy in their fixer-upper relationship, so Brian bails.
Turns out that Brian found his soulmate years ago in the form of Tracey Flannigan, to whom he admittedly was not the nicest guy (he responded to her story of childhood molestation with, “so you DO go all the way …”)
Brian and Stewie pay Tracey a visit, to find that she’s got the voice of Harvey Fierstein and a 13-year-old boy named Dylan, who is Brian’s son, despite the fact that the chronology makes no sense, even if you take into account dog years. But hey, if you don’t like it, go on the internet and complain.
Soon after, Dylan is abandoned on the Griffin doorstep with a note from Tracey telling Brian to take care of him, and also asking him to write her a letter of recommendation for the University of Phoenix. Dylan’s abrasive, but he wins Chris’ heart by kicking the angry monkey’s ass. Stewie gets rejected at his naked tea party, though, so he’s not a big Dylan fan. Then Peter shows up to breakfast with a mohawk Dylan gave him overnight. Luckily, Peter’s full of play-doh and can just fun-factory a new ‘do.
The last straw for Brian is when Dylan puts a paper bag over Brian’s head, which he cannot for the life of him figure out how to get off. He marches up to Dylan’s room intent on kicking him out of the house, only to end up having a father/son bonding experience over pot. From that day on, Dylan becomes a clean-cut kid and Brian turns into the world’s most nauseating dad.
Peter, sick of Brian’s behavior, finds Tracey and brings her to the house under the pretense that they’re going to The Price Is Right. Dylan decides to go home with her, so that he can use all he’s learned from Brian and help Tracey get her life together. As Tracey drives off with Dylan, Peter finally realizes who she looks like: a really hot Tim Russert.
Highlights:
- Stewie’s painted-on kitty face, “Stupid face-painter apparently never heard of Darth Maul.”
- The organist playing “La Cucaracha” at the Mexican funeral
- Stewie’s attempt at telling Matthew McConaughey that he sucks: “You make me physically sick to my stomach and I wish you would get a heart attack.” “Yeah, but the people keep askin’ me to make these movies …” “You suck donkey ass.” “You can’t prove that.”
- Dylan forcing Meg to watch the other 178 hours of Monty Python stuff that isn’t funny or memorable
- “CRUDELY PAINTED, NOT-SO-FUNNY, PLYWOOD CUTOUT FOLK ART!”
- Escaping from Canadian Alcatraz