American Idol Finally Comes To A Close

I’ll be splitting this blog posting into The Awesome, The Fantastic, The Mediocre, The Awful, The Expected, and The Actual Results. And so we begin.

The Awesome

What Adam Lambert was wearing when he sang “Beth.” The platform boots; the studded cages around his shoulders; the bedazzled eye makeup and then … KISS. Awesome. It’s so Spinal Tap, I love it. Even the platform that KISS descends to the stage looks like a little Stonehenge. There’s pyrotechnics! Explosions! Long tongues! The realization that none of the members of KISS sing all that well. Mom Lambert is way into the KISS medley. Paul Stanley does a poor Pete Townsend impression & ‘breaks’ his guitar really cleanly.

The Fantastic

David Cook’s performance was pretty good, but mostly because of the circumstances of why he wrote it. Didn’t like him that much during his season, but he’s kind of growing on me.

Cyndi Lauper & Allison Iraheta’s duet on “Time After Time.” Love both of them.

I suppose Santana’s guitar playing would fall into this category. There’s plenty of Santana I don’t like, but “Black Magic Woman” is a good one. Oh, crap, then they go into “Smooth.” I maybe would’ve liked that song if it hadn’t been played to death. And it’s a group number! There’s nothing ironic about show choir. Nothing. Oh, Lil Rounds & Anoop. Why must you be so guitarded? Janice Dickinson!

Adam & Kris’ duet on “We Are the Champions” with Queen. Drunk Homer Simpson isn’t there, but everyone else is — the rest of the top 13 are on the stairs behind the band. Megan Joy looks like she almost takes a header off the stairs. Allison is totally into it. A real choir that can harmonize & sway their hands above their heads is at the front of the stage. Once again, it demonstrates how good Adam is at doing a duet — he doesn’t try to dominate, but graciously shares the spotlight.

The Mediocre

Lil Rounds’ duet with Queen Latifah. I was just ok with it. It wasn’t bad, but being unfamiliar with the song, it didn’t thrill me. Kathy liked seeing Lil animated.

Jason Mraz group sing is a bit awkward, but most group sings are awkward, aren’t they? Kathy likes this song, but not as a group sing.

Kris Allen & Keith Urban. This is my anti-country bias coming out. It’s ok and they do a decent job with it, I just don’t want to hear it.

Glamourous. Oy. Having a couple of 16-year olds do the bootie grind is a bit much. Then they give the opening line of the song to Megan Joy. Eeeesch. With a wave of her hand, Fergie sends the Idol girls to the back row. Away, wannabies. ACK! Megan Joy ‘dancing’ in the aisle during the Black Eyed Peas performance. All I can tell is that a few s-bombs get dropped. Why those lyrics couldn’t be blipped & we had to get a shot of the floor for a good 15 seconds, I don’t know.

Ryan Seacrest ‘interviewing’ the parents of Kris Allen & Adam Lambert. Love that mom’s wearing fingerless gloves with all sorts of crap attached to them.

Unfortunately, the Steve Martin performance was only ok. I do not blame Steve Martin. I blame Megan Joy being glued to the teleprompter & not looking at Michael Sarver as he sings to her. In usual Megan Joy style, she looks like she’s going to be sick. The song is cute in a Prairie Home Companion kind of way.

The Awful

Mikalah Gordon in Kris’ home town. She’s looking more & more like a porn star every year she does the ‘go to a finalist’s home town’ schtick.

The group sing of “So What” featuring the top 13 singing ‘you’re a tool’ at the top of their lungs. I like the song. I like it when Pink sings it, not when Jasmine Murray sings it. I do not believe any of these kids what to start a fight. At all.

Danny Gokey singing “Hello.” Mostly because I can’t stand the song. Whenever I hear it, I get images of the video in my head. I’ll admit it. I see a ‘blind’ girl carving a really ugly Lionel Richie bust & Lionel Richie stalking her. He stalks a blind woman. Creepy. Lionel’s got a record to plug, so his duet with Danny is some song I’ve never heard. Sounds like most other Lionel Richie songs. We can’t leave the audience with that, so they also do a duet of “All Night Long.” Paula loves it.

The guys group sing of “Do You Think I’m Sexy.” Wow. Those that might be sexy on an individual basis are hereby rendered completely unsexy. Rod Stewart is keeping with the ‘unsexy’ theme by wearing a hideous plaid jacket. Mr. Stewart sends the guys away & sings “Maggie May” solo. Should he really be singing a song ripping on a woman for showing her age, when he looks the way he does these days? You know what happens when one points a finger? That’s right, three fingers pointing right back at you, Mr. Stewart. Rod kind of gives up on singing & tries to cover up his really strained voice by clapping.

The Expected

The Golden Idols. I mean, Idol has to come full circle & feature some of those really horrible people. It’s not good; it’s not bad. It’s occasionally entertaining and usually a bit uncomfortable. Ok, a lot uncomfortable.

Adam & Kris prepare the statue off stage. Kathy wants someone to write a wacky sitcom for those two kids.

It does remind me of how much I love Norman Gentil. Love him. The pull-away pants. The silvery shirt. The call out to individual audience members. He’s awesome.

Katrina Darrell ‘naturally’ gets one. I think she’s been augmented since last time. Ryan notes that he was going to ask what’s new, but he thinks he knows. Kara comes out to sing with Katrina, and I’m not sure Katrina knew that was coming. She looks pissed. Kara ends her song with revealing her bikini underneath her dress. She got dared by the rest of the Idol judges to do it, so apparently they’ll be donating to her favorite charity.

Of course, Tatiana Del Toro has to have a bit — she ‘rushes’ the stage, and eludes security to sing the same song she always sings. She’s a crappy actress, but it’s an ok bit. Would’ve been better if the girl could act.

The Actual Result

The next American Idol is Kris Allen. He gets a trophy, and a really crappy first single. I’m happy for Kris, but I wish Adam had won. I’m sure Adam is glad that his first single will not be “No Boundaries.” Let the conspiracy theories begin.