by Ruth Anne Boulet
Project Runway, why are you doing this to us? Why did you assure us, cajole us, soothe us, into thinking that this season on Lifetime and in LA would be JUST LIKE previous seasons on Bravo in NY? And why, oh why did I believe you?
Because I wanted to, Project Runway. Because I wanted to.
But now it’s week 3 without my beloved orange man Michael Kors and I’m wondering if I’m ever going to hear him say something’s “Becky-Homecky” ever again. And now Nina Garcia is MIA? What the hell? If Heidi could’ve wrassled up Nina, Michael and the 1 good judge this week, costume designer/stylist Jennifer Rade, then this episode would’ve been golden.
And, sorry, Project Runway, this vlog doesn’t cut it. I know darn well he’s not actually talking about the challenge, he’s just answering interview questions & you’re framing them as necessary.
But no. Instead of Nina, we get the editor of Marie Claire, Zoe Glassner. She’s very pretty, and I assume very knowledgeable, but she bored me. More exciting was the Michael Kors replacement Barry Manilow/Phil Spector love child, designer Marc Bouwer. He didn’t have to say anything. He just had to sit there in his red shirt. It was Mandy & a mug shot all wrapped up into one fluffy blonde package.
That package would’ve been more special, Project Runway, on its own. A treat. A new bit of fun in the midst of our expected beloved judges. I’m looking for how guest judges fit into the family. I’m not looking for the Soap Opera switch where a new actor takes over a role & we’re all supposed to pretend that Duke is now blonde & not Scottish. Whatever, witness protection program. Whatever, Project Runway.
So on with the actual episode — Heidi tells the designers to go meet Tim in the workroom where he’s got 13 women that they have to make happy. It’s their models! Hooray!
The models are going to an event where they’re going to be networking, so they have to be happy with the design. The design has to showcase them. The designers have until the end of the day to construct something.
Louise is getting all depressed because people go home. Christopher also has the sudden realization that people have, indeed, gone home.
Epperson is getting a lot of face time, but his dress so far looks really good.
Logan tries to distract the judging panel by wearing silver pants & silver shoes. Good luck with that Logan.
Let’s start the show:
Heidi obsessed with Epperson’s model’s boobs, but not the boobs of Althea’s model. Huh?
First called — Louise, Irina, Christopher, Nicolas, Gordana, Shirin and Ra’mon — this week’s mediocre middle. That leaves Carol Hannah, Epperson, Qristyl, Johnny, Logan, Althea.
Johnny’s dress — Heidi calls it bridesmaid – GASP! Logan’s dress is called prom — GASP! Qristyl is accused of aging her model — dog years! GASP! GASP!
Epperson is in. Althea is the winner. Carol Hannah is in. Johnny is in. That leaves Qristyl and Logan. Logan, of course, is in and Qristyl is out.
Next week the answers are in black & white. We’re guessing that means they’re creating something with newspaper.
Models of the Runway — we get to see the party. Elizabeth Berkley thinks she’s getting cut since Qristyl went home. But she did book an Ed Hardy show while at the party, so she’ll be fine.
All of the designers stick with their models — Valerie was right. She’s out once again.
Michael Kors, Project Runway. Michael Kors. His clothes are boring. He’s faaaaaaabbbbbulous, even when his crotch is insane.