by Ruth Anne Boulet
Hollywood is usually the victory lap for American Idol auditioners. It’s the prize. But this season Hollywood is hosting auditions for the show. Those who move on will get to go to… Hollywood. I wonder if you still get put up at a nice hotel if you’re local. I hope so. I’d want to use the pool.
Victoria Garrett thinks that God has brought the Idol auditions to LA for a reason. That reason is her. That editing tells us right off the bat that she’s going to be horrible. Idol does not disappoint in that regard.
Tim Halperin is just crushing on J Lo, so he’s not terrible. As is typical this season he’s going to Hollywood. Even though he is in Hollywood. Again, I’d like to see a ‘torn’ panel not end up in someone getting a golden ticket. It had to happen at some point, right? Right now the threshold seems to be just to get one judge on your side and you’re in.
Daniel and Isaac are best buddies and they’re auditioning together. Isn’t that sweet? Isaac dropped out of school to audition. Why he needed to go that far, I’m not quite sure. I mean, there’s rehearsal, but I would think one could fit some classes or study in there too. Both guys get noes rather quickly. Isaac is way super-positive. Practice only makes better! Oh, Isaac. I would hope that you would’ve had time to get really good, what with the quitting school and all.
LA is where the fabled MySpace auditioners will be heard. Apparently we’re only going to hear one of them. Karen Rodriguez was that one MySpace auditioner. Even though she’s from New York, she got flown out to Hollywood to audition. Why they didn’t have her audition in New Jersey, I’m not sure. Unless the Hollywood auditions were a couple of days before Hollywood week. That would be time-efficient.
Tynisha Roches from Hoboken New Jersey IS the next American Idol. She even has a microphone and a fedora to prove it. She’s going to do a tribute to Frank Sinatra with her own Idol-inspired lyrics. She has three albums that are ready to be composed and won’t stop singing. Randy leaves the set to get away from her. She is not to be trifled with and follows Randy off stage, singing all the way. Security gives her an escort out. I’m really hoping she’s a part of some improv theatre group. Come on – someone claim her!
One contestant, Heidi Khzam, decides to go with a belly dancing audition. The guys send her through immediately. J Lo has to tell the boys to simmer it down.
Matthew Scott Frankel has a hip-hop alter ego named Big Stats. He is a freelance music producer for ‘a bunch’ of artists. He sings a song that’s got a bunch of Jennifer Lopez titles in it. It’s way, way creepy — even creepier than Steven Tyler leering at belly-dancing contestants. Big Stats gives Ryan a copy of his CD so that Ryan can listen to it. Big Stats is also officially beefin’ with Randy Jackson. I’m sure Randy’s terrified.
In the montage of bad auditions, we get a new version of pants on the ground where a guy does drop his pants to the ground.
Then brothers Mark and Aaron Gutierrez do a duet to Lean on Me. They’re a little show-choir, which they don’t get called on. Steven Tyler thought it was god-like. The auditioners before them must’ve been really bad for those two to sound god-like. Apparently they didn’t sing independently, which was a bit weird. Both get through to the next round.
And finally we get Cooper Robinson. He’s this year’s Pants on the Ground guy. I can’t tell if he’s unstable or if it’s all an act. He tells everyone he wants to take over Hollywood. Very loudly. J Lo gets a big security guy to cover her escape.
Next week – San Francisco and we finally start culling the herd! Yes!
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