The Real Housewives of Orange County, Bravo’s original Mommies with Money, returns for a drama-filled Season 9 on Monday, April 14. This season, Vicki Gunvalson, Heather Dubrow and Tamra Judge are joined by two new housewives who promise to add fuel to the drama-fire. Longtime castmembers Gretchen Rossi, Alexis Bellino and last season’s new housewife Lydia McLaughlin all fell victim to the reality casting axe. I bet Vicki’s feud with Gretchen was partly to blame. You gotta stay on Vicki’s good side, it’s not the OC without that crazy chick!
First off, Heather and Terry need a new house. They sold their old one for a whopping 16.4 million dollars. You heard me, that’s crazy money. Now they need a newer, larger house. It will be monster-sized, and will have loco things in it, like a beauty parlor. This college-campus-sized house will take 2 years to complete, so we’ll just have to watch poor Heather suffer in a “modest rental house” that is straight-up ridiculous anyway. Also, perhaps it isn’t Heather who will go crazy in this tiny-mansion, Terry seems like a man who needs his space. As a surgeon, I think the only time he likes to interact with people is when they’re unconscious, so close quarters might make Terry batty. Heather and her builder visit another house he had done for ideas, and the other woman, Shannon, is really into green-living and boasts about all of the healthy choices she’s made in building her house. Heather’s eyes are rolling around in her head so much at this woman’s kookiness that I’m surprised they don’t fall out of her head.
Tamra and Eddie are settling into their newlywed life and the opening of their new gym, Cut Fitness. The classes look intense, and beautiful Tamra admits insecurities about her handsome husband working out with a lot of young, beautiful women. Tamra, drops the first priceless quote of the season, “Getting older sucks balls. Sweaty balls.” I wish that was Tamra’s official tagline for the season. Or a bumper sticker.
On to The lone original castmember left, Vicki. Oooh, I am still a keyed up from the drama that went down during the reunion specials between Brooks and Brianna. This saga seems far from over. Poor Vicki’s house is empty: her relationship with Brooks is over, her divorce from Donn is final and Brianna has moved out because hubby Ryan is home from the War in Iraq. If Vicki wants to adopt me and my family to fill her giant house with love and laughter, we won’t make too huge a mess … No? Ok, Vicki, I get it, you can have your assistant live with you instead because that’s not weird, right? Also Brianna is preggers again with another baby boy! That is wonderful news for Brianna and Ryan, after her cancer scare, and his deployment to Iraq, they deserve every happiness. Also, they’re moving to Oklahoma ‘cause when they Army gives you PCS orders, you say, “Yes Sir,” and pack your boxes. This will give Vicki a chance to say lots of ignorant things about Oklahomans. How is someone so successful, and so rich, so vapid?
The season starts with Heather, Vicki and Tamra heading to Hawaii for a girls trip. Make sure you watch on April 14 because their surfing lesson is hilarious!
In this episode, we met only one of the new housewives. And wouldn’t you know it, the new girl is none other than healthy-home loving Shannon! Oh, snap! I hope that next time, Heather uses her acting skills and keeps the eye rolling to a minimum. But, Shannon seems like an odd duck so maybe we’ll all be rolling out eyes before too long.
We haven’t officially met the other new housewife, but based on the previews, she is like a gasoline soaked rag — one spark and she’s going to explode! And, she’s sexy hot.
OC ladies, how we missed you. Keep your crazy going, and by crazy I mean booze. These OC ladies love to drink, right?
The Real Housewives of Orange County Tuesdays 9pmET/PT on Bravo, Starting April 14.