Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.
On Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People Season 2, Episode 14 “Rocky Seas” (July 3) Billy must sail rough waters to bring his new boat, the Integrity, from Petersburg. Matt and Noah construct an electric generator out of a bicycle.
Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life
Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year
Billy, Bam, Gabe and Bear are homebound on the Integrity, and the boat is handling well. They even get to see pods of dolphins and orcas, a good omen according to Billy. This is just a total guess, but the Browns could probably make a crap ton more money by taking tourist rubes on dolphin and whale-watching excursions than they could by transporting contraband in their bush freight business.
Back on Chicago Bears Island, Ami is taking Rainy to school. Today they’re going to learn about iron. I’ve spent more than 20 years trying to force everything I learned about chemistry out of my brain, but there’s still some residue somewhere in the corners. It sounded to me like Ami was teaching Rainy about the oxidation of iron, aka “rust.” Ami says, “You can gather some sticks and limbs and twigs and it teaches your kids that learning is much more than just textbooks.” Yes, it teaches them that learning is also about sticks and limbs and twigs. Let’s just absorb the idea for a moment that Ami Brown is teaching someone about chemistry. … Think about that. … I’ll wait. … Rainy is lucky she’ll never need that stuff, anyway.
But enough teaching. Let’s talk about more important things, Rainy, like the main plot of tonight’s episode. Ami tells Rain about the time that Billy went deep into debt buying a bulldozer that only went in reverse. Ami doesn’t want the Integrity to “come back to bite us like the Opal and the Lorcan.” Here’s a little reminder for Ami of exactly how the Opal “bit” them:
Meanwhile, Noah and Matt are in Hoonah at the dump. Noah is looking for bicycle parts and an alternator. Matt is looking for a girlfriend. They’re going to construct a generator to recharge batteries. Remember when Noah tried to build a generator out of a chainsaw and an alternator? Hilarity ensued. “Electricity is life,” says Noah Brown, Tesla of the Bush. Matt gets distracted easily by shiny things, like a bunch of old TVs. He finds a TV/VCR combo, and a few VHS tapes. Matt starts pulling a few feet of tape out of one of the cassettes, and stashes it in his coat pocket as if he’s planning to use it for some shady purpose.
If electricity is life, then the Integrity is S.O.L. It has no lights, and it’s getting dark. Billy’s concerned about floating log “deadheads” like the ones that took out the Opal. (Let’s not tell Billy that all the Deadheads have gone to Chicago for the weekend.) “I don’t want another Opal. I don’t want a log to take this boat out,” Billy says. Here’s a little reminder for Billy of exactly how the Opal got taken out:
Billy is eventually able to dock the boat safely near the Taku Inlet, not to be confused with the Taco Outlet, which is a fast food restaurant I just founded.
Next lesson, Ami is showing Rainy how to sew deer hide. There’s lot of stuff you can make with deer hide, none of which we’ve actually seen the Browns wear or use on this show. For thread, Ami uses dental floss, because she has no need to use it on her three remaining teeth. Obviously, if Ami had been using the dental floss as recommended by the American Dental Association all these years, she’d have a few more teeth. Now there‘s a good lesson for ya, Rainy!
Billy and the boys have been gone a long time, and since Billy can lapse into a coma at the drop of a hat, she’s worried. In fact, the last time she’s been away from Billy is when he lapsed into that coma at the drop of a hat. Ami takes Matt and the Lorcan to Hoonah so she can call her mom the Petersburg harbor master to find out if/when when Billy left. Ami says some stuff, and then there’s silence, because I have a strong feeling that the Petersburg harbor master was not actually on the line. But hey, we chewed up a little more clock with some pointless drama.
On the subject of pointless drama, the Integrity is now heading into rough weather and choppy seas. Bear is out on the bow getting hit by the spray, and he comes in the cabin saying, “When that hits the face, it’s like freezing and AWESOME!” Because this kid is contractually obligated to say awesome at least once per episode. And then, POOOF! Storm is gone. Seas are calm. It’s almost as if there was no storm at all! That’s that unpredictable Southeast Alaska weather for you! It’s contractually obligated to appear in a few cameos each season.
Noah introduces us to bush welding. Yes, he’s got this welding torch rigged up with a car battery, jumper cables, some vise grips, a metal rod and some flux. All he needs now is 1.21 GIGAWATTS!! He’s going to weld the bicycle gear to the alternator. This sounds to me like something incredibly dangerous that couldn’t possibly work [UPDATE: It can be done!], so you should definitely try this at home. Hey, look! Sparks! Stuff is all welded together now!
The Integrity arrives at Chicago Bears Island. The Skiff has a chance to take out half the family, but he doesn’t. He’s just biding his time. There is much howling and oooing and aaaahhhhing over the size of Billy’s big-ass 1943 62-foot Debtcraft. “Literally I think we’re standing in our future right here,” Billy tells Ami. Rainy’s next lesson should be about the proper use of “literally.” No, your father’s not actually standing knee-deep in future.
And now back to Noah’s ElectroCycle. Noah has mounted this thing to a wooden structure so it’s stationary. They howl Bear over to operate the pedals. Noah’s got an amp meter or something like it to see if Bear is making the juice flow. IT’S WORKING, even though I didn’t see the needle actually move. Did you?
So how long does Bear have to keep pedaling to produce enough power to recharge the battery? About an hour, Noah says. Matt wants to put that power to good use and watch TV with it. Bear gets to be exxxxxxxtreme and just run on the hamster wheel for the rest of his life. Fine by me.
(Digression! This whole bicycle generator thing reminds me of how awful bicycle lights were in the 1980s. I had one of those lights that was powered by a generator attached to the rear bicycle wheel, commonly known as the bottle generator or bottle dynamo. The generator needed to fit tightly against the tire sidewall to spin, and it created so much friction and resistance against the tire that it took a huge effort to pedal. Bart knows what I’m talking about:
I also had a battery-operated one, and those things were even worse. I was a kid and did wheelies and stuff with my bike, and every time I brought the front wheel down, the light would fall out of the housing and dangle by the wires while two big D-cell batteries rolled down the street. And I couldn’t find the batteries BECAUSE I HAD NO LIGHT! Cyclists these days have their advanced compact LEDs and stuff. Dave Lange has a tail light that he wears on his ass while biking, and occasionally he forgets to take it off when he gets into the office. I was at a traffic light once and there was a bicyclist across the street who was flashing some kind of strobe headlight at me. Dude was lucky I wasn’t prone to seizures. A simple headlight and tail light is sufficient. You don’t need your bicycle to emit a Laser Floyd show.)
The Browns gather round the television to watch Attack of the Giant Leeches.
Of course they’re rooting for the leeches.
Back to business, or complete lack thereof. How do the Browns expect to get their bush freighter business up and running if no one knows about them and all the half-assed work they do? You can’t exactly “take out an ad in the bush paper,” Billy says. Well, there’s always Bush Craigslist.
Or MAYOR KENNY SKAFLESTAD! The Brown boys are taking this all the way to the top, because they know Hoonah’s Mayor Kenny likes to be involved in the Browns’ doings. “I do know a lot of people around here, for sure,” Mayor Kenny says. In fact, he knows at least two more people than his opponent in the runoff election knows. Mayor Kenny knows a guy who needs four drums of fuel transported a whole 11 miles, because this is important stuff you need to know as mayor. Since both the Browns and their prospective client communicate by smoke signals, they should have no trouble getting this deal done in the next year or two.
But go figure, the guy gives his business to the weird family with the boat they just got and don’t entirely know how to operate yet. He must not really care all that much about fuel. The Browns are going to do this one at cost, since they want this guy to spread the word about the business. “Hey, this crazy dude just shipped a bunch of my stuff for free! Get in on this deal while they’re still desperate!”
Conveniently, this is the same time that the Lorcan loses the Battle of the Bilge and has to go up on the barter block. “She’s more like the LOR-CAN’T!” Bear says. Hey, Bear, shouldn’t you be pedaling somewhere?
In the interstitial, Noah builds a rotating grindstone to sharpen axes, knives and broadswords. He rigs a hand crank up using leftover bicycle parts. The thing is awkward and barely spins. Rainy just wants to file her fingernails on it.
The Browns have four drums of fuel, and we’re told they weigh 600 pounds each? I call B.S. on that. First, a full drum of diesel fuel at roughly 7 pounds per gallon probably weighs around 400 pounds. And no way in hell would they be able to roll 600-pound drums that easily down the ramp to the dock. And then it starts raining and the deck gets slick while they’re trying to lift the drums into the boat, and Gabe slips and almost loses a drum and a sibling in the process. Oh yeah, sure looks like Billy’s going to give Hoonah the Exxon Valdez treatment. (Sorry, AK friends. Too soon?)
A pretty good episode. You guys know I love whenever someone named Kenny makes an appearance, plus there were some nice references to the Opal incident, Billy’s coma, magical disappearing weather events and bush uses for dental floss.
There’s no new episode next Friday (THANK YOU, SHARK WEEK!), so have a good one. Thanks for putting up with The Skiff while I was away.
I love to watch the Brown’s, it’s a good clean show. Billy is right, people did live that way years ago. The show take’s me back when I was kid,
I really piss my wife off when this show comes on. I can’t help laughing how rediculous they make the show lately. The fuel scenes were absolutely laughable moving drums of fuel one handed. Noah acts like he is living in civil war times and the facts about the dog is also strange it just appears from episode to episode. I truly love reading your summation of these episodes I know it’s not true reality but they need to stop portraying in that manner.
For American. I read the article on Matt’s ex-girlfriend and would like to know if there are any articles on Bam.
Love all the reviews!!!!! You are hilarious. But here’s a question I haven’t seen…What happens to Mr.Cupcake when he’s not on camera? Do they even own the dog?
You know that’s a good point when they all go to see the new boat upon Billy and the boys arrival the whole family was there but no cupcake. Also when they were watching the movie
no cupcake.
What a ratings bonanza it would be for Discovery Channel if a shark or 2 could make a special guest appearance on ABP- now that would be awesome!
American: The show you refer to never stated anything about nude lesbian parties. The elderly woman on that episode spoke of a yearly bikini party……and that was all. No doubt about the fact that the woman was a couple cans short of a six pack, but both Brown lads (Gabe and Bam) treated her with respect and kindness.
Dear American,
I am sorry but I just don’t understand where you are coming from. Do you mean to say that people who enjoy dramatic television are hateful but; people who don’t are not hateful. And what dose handicapped people watching the program have to do with anything at all. I mean I’m sure there are billions and billions of handicapped people scattered throughout the cosmos that watch the program weekly. As for the nude lesbian party. Sorry David the word lesbian has never been uttered on this show. What she did say on the greenhouse episode was that they have a Hawian bikini party each year .
You don’t seem to understand that people watch this show because it is entertaining
Dosnt matter if it’s true or not or weather you believe it or not it’s just entertainment.
Right Jack! That’s all the show is, is entertainment.
Well yes you said so yourself
And I quote ” Some handicapped people enjoy the Browns entertainment” you are correct and I enjoy the entertainment to.
We’re been enjoying the Brown’s entertainment and Alaska scenery around here too. Have a lovely day Jack!
OMG! You are hilarious! I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard!
So honored. Thank you!
Excellent recap, Ryan. Love that SKIFF.
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan wow thanks to your recaps I don’t have to watch this trainwreck. As always I’m rooting for the skiff to finally fulfill its homicidal destiny and put this show down like a rabid dog. I hate shark week but I’m glad you get a break.
Thanks, Diane! Stay tuned. I’m brewing up something for ABP’s bye week!
Great! Can’t wait! Love your recap, love the skiff.
I continue to watch this show so I can read these hilarious recaps….thank you Ryan for making me laugh!
Trust me Judy, you don’t need to even watch the show. The recaps are great and you get to save an hour a week.
Ryan’s recaps are so good that I can flip channels, land on ABP for five seconds, know exactly what is going on, shake my head, & sing Ryan’s praises then watch the weather channel which is infinitely more interesting than ABP will ever be.
I see you made a Grateful Dead reference 🙂 I think it’s so great how the Skiff and the Lorcan are now officially the best characters on this show. I treat them as rightfully so when I watch it and my parents haven’t quite caught on…
If you had seven children, you would stay broke.
Rainy was 11 or 12 when she had teeth to decay. It’s a really good thing the Browns started “their show” when they did, because Ami and Rainy were in desperate need to see a dentist (after the show aired Ami was able to afford it). Hopefully they will all eventually be able to see a dentist. Snowbird is 20 and her teeth are broke. There are 7 physical health problems that can destroy teeth (to break). She could have broken teeth from health issues.
How come some Alaskans seem to have dark hateful souls? The few Alaskans out of billions that are saying they don’t watch the Brown’s show – do you go to Church? How come some Alaskan women have nude lesbian parties and Alaskans are alright with that kind of behavior, but some Alaskans are always speculating the Browns teeth are bad because of blah blah blah or they are always saying something negative about them? Are there any decent women in Alaska for The Brown boys?
Billy & Ami raised their children to believe in The Lord.
Are some Alaskans nonbelievers? Could that be why you have so much hate inside of you and are always thinking negative?
The population of Alaska is only
800,000
The few Alaskans out of billions of Americans
Wow, you have to win a prize for the most non-coherent hard to follow post. One of the Brown clan had to write this. This has Billy Brown written all over it.
There are not billions of Americans.
Church and laughing at a horrible show have zero to do with inner faith (although the shows high rating has me questioning the sanity of the general public). I have a sneaking suspicion God doesn’t care who watches ABP.
Alaskan women have nude lesbian parties? News to me. Could you possibly give me a heads up when the next one is going down so I can stop by for a bit. None in my neighborhood.
I don’t think anyone is speculating the Browns have bad teeth. I think that is a fact at this point.
Yes, there are very good women in Alaska. The question is are there any good Brown boys in Alaska for them,. I say no.
I haven’t seen any of the Brows praying, reading a bible or doing any of Gods work in this show. So no idea why you think the Browns are such believers in the lord.
Finally, yes Alaskans are non believers in this horrible made up show about a clan of fame whores who don’t live in the Alaskan Bush.
In one of their first shows, two boys took down a rotten greenhouse and while doing so, the homeowner told them she has nude lesbian parties.
I’m not a Brown – but if you like to fill your heart with drama you might like these…
http://www.realitytvscandals.com/2015/02/21/alaskan-bush-people-scandal-part-2/
http://www.realitytvscandals.com/2015/05/07/exclusive-meet-heather-baygas-ex-girlfriend-of-matt-brown-from-alaskan-bush-people/
I like the Alaska scenery. The closest I’ll get to seeing it are Alaskans shows and photos.
I did mentioned The Lord, because it seems like so many people have a lot of hate in their heart. I try to see some goodness in everyone. Even you. No one is perfect.
Some handicapped people enjoy the Brown’s entertainment.
Some people have it in their mind to hate the Browns and that is their choice to fill their mind and heart up with drama. Just like the few people that likes the Browns show have a choice to show their love and concern. The show won’t be aired much longer, so all the ones that have a lot of hate in their mind and heart could cause drama in their families if they don’t have drama going on right now – that’s their choice to hate (have drama in their life), or to love (care about others and yourself).
There are about 330 Million Americans, not Billions Jethro.
People that say “The Good Lord” are usually trying to get you to hate a certain group, or else are hiding something like they molest their kids.
American says, “billions of Americans” I truly hope you do not vote, because you are really stupid.
Could you please put down the pipe and write something coherent?
I forgot something. In the last episode the big gamble or whatever it was called they couldn’t emphasize enough times that the integrity was an ex sub chaser. Did anyone notice that in this episode not one time was it referenced as an ex sub chaser. Not once.
why?
Ok welding with a car battery think I saw that on macgyver. Peddle powered generator saw that on Gilligan’s island. Still think Gilligan peddles faster than bear. Probably smarter too.
I can assure you that Noah could have bought a solar powered car battery charger for a fraction of the cost of all his new welding gear. That self dimming welding helmet darkens the lens automatically as soon as you strike an ark.
And yes it runs off batteries. By the way how did he charge that battery he was using to weld with before his bike thing was done.
You mean like the solar panels sold for roofs of cars that cost 1,000 bucks? Or the 19,99 ones that can only keep that battery from going dead if the car is not used? They can,t power much of anything…
No there is an intermediate one I guess you would call it.
It costs around 80 to 100 dollars I think it puts out 450 to 500 watts.
Sorry it’s 55 watts but that’s plenty to trickle charge a battery.
Seeing as how they all live together, imagine how wealthy they would be if they all had real jobs?
Due to the families lack of education the only jobs they would be able to find would be off the books or minimum wage. Neither being a prescription for wealth building. I don’t think any of them can lay claim to a high school diploma.
Dishwashers start at like 16 bucks an hour in Alaska.
Love, love, love these recaps. I get so much more excited over a new recap, than I do over the actual show itself. Thanks for the laughs!
Awww, thank you!
Didn’t watch this episode and don’ plan to. Much quicker to read the recap.
So they are going to use a 62 foot boat with a fuel hungry motor to move four drums of fuel for delivery and expect to even break even? No way. You couldn’t even pay your fuel costs without charging a mint. Let alone maintenance or heaven forbid a wage onto of all of that. I am sure the Browns have valid business licenses, insurance, proper documentation on the boat along with all of the inspections that would be necessary to even operate the boat commercially, let alone privately. This show is such made up garbage. How on earth anybody thinks this is real is perplexing at best. Here in Alaska we are in the USA last time I checked. Not like this is the wild west and we don’t follow and inforce regulations on boats and businesses. Its not like they are doing this on the down low and going to got paid under he table. THEY ARE ON A FREAKING TV SHOW ANNOUNCING TO THE WORLD EXACTLY WHAT THE ARE DOING!!! I cannot imagine how many agencies would be knocking their door like the coast guard and IRS to just name a few. This show has to lower your IQ 5 points for every episode watched.
Lololololol agreed.
I want to know why the background music is so damn loud…You can hear anything that is being said,its very annoying
You are older and going deaf is why,
I’m going to have to wait for your review because I just couldn’t take another minute of Billy on that boat.
The phony drama of the storm was too much for me. I’ve taken a canoe out on bigger waves than that! You don’t call them Rollers when they are nothing more than chop on a windy day…
I noticed if you take the first letter of your last name and switch it with the first letter of your first name you have an interesting name.
Yeah… it’s been a curse for a few years now. been thinking of changing it to Beb Jush.
BTW… I think we should all pester TDC to let Ryan interview the Browns, even if we have to crowdfund the cost of his ticket to ChicagoBears Island!
Ha! DC had been pitching us interviews with the Browns for months. When I finally decided to accept the offer, they didn’t follow through on it. IF (big IF) I were to go to Alaska, I’m not sure I’d want to interview the Browns. I’d rather interview everyone else in Chitina, Ketchikan and Hoonah.
PLEASE GO!
I think I speak for everyone when I say that you could fill a book with that adventure!
I would read it .
Murica!
Lololololol