Go Here For All Of Your Fish-Punching Alaskan Bush People Needs!
Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.
Just another beautiful day in the bush, my friends.
I have no idea what the plea deal [Update: Rejected!] means for the longterm future of the show. Discovery went with an all-out media blitz for the Season 3 premiere, and I’ve seen the Browns covered in outlets I’d never seen before. With the fraud case now out in the (sorta) mainstream, lots of people are learning about Alaskan Bush People for the first time. Scandals and negative press usually have a positive impact on audience numbers — and that’s good for the cash flow at Discovery Channel. Is Discovery milking every last drop from the cash cow before reluctantly putting it down? Don’t know.
There’s no indication the show will be yanked before Season 3 ends. Besides, we’re just talking about a little fraud and theft here. Totally forgivable. Nobody cares about that. The Browns just stole from the government, which is totally cool because the government steals from all of us anyway, the bastards. Now, if a Brown family member were suspected of a sexcrime, that would mean immediate cancellation and the name Alaskan Bush People stricken from every book and tablet, erased from the memory of men for all time. This paragraph may contain thinly veiled sarcasm and The Ten Commandments quotes.
On to “Shots Fired,” one of the most farcical entries in the ABP series, and that’s saying a lot.
It’s summer on Chicago Bears Island. But winter is right there!
Bear is being wolflike again, running shirtless and mud-slathered through the woods doing Bush Parkour in an effort to track deer for a very IMPORTANT hunt. This stuff makes some very lonely ladies swoon, apparently.
Are the somersaults a necessary part of the deer stalking? #AlaskanBushPeople
— Ryan Berenz (@ChannelGuideRAB) November 19, 2015
Gabe and Matt (in between chugging cans of whole tomatoes) are building Ami a bed downstairs so she doesn’t have to climb up. Dadgumit, woman! That lumber was supposed to be for Matt’s pool house!
Ami’s recovering from her injury in the “hospital” in Juneau, and her “vertebrae are deteriorating” from living the Bush life for too long. The doctor says she’s not supposed to move. (I’d love to watch a live Ami Bedcam!) This Ami stuff has serious implications for the family. Who will teach Rainy about Bush Biochemistry? Who will make decorative wall hangings out of twigs? “It could literally change the way we live,” Billy says. Everyone will have to step up and do Ami’s share of the weaving and dental emergencies.
The Browns sure as hell don’t want another Dread Winter of ’95. God, that was awful. “Thirty-nine degrees below zero, not including wind shear,” Bear says, possibly confusing wind chill and wind shear. Not sure. Bush Meteorology was not my best subject in high school.
The Council of Brown convenes and decides that getting meat is the best course of action and a good way to burn off a lot of screen time with cool night-vision stuff. “Right now, we need meat. We need it really bad,” Billy says.
The Browns should go to Arby's. THEY HAVE THE MEATS! #AlaskanBushPeople
— Ryan Berenz (@ChannelGuideRAB) November 19, 2015
Matt goes into Hoonah to get parts for Ami’s root cellar.
Now that moms teeth are gone, I am going to give her a root cellar. #AlaskanBushPeople
— Pete (@peteder13) November 19, 2015
This leads Matt to … KENNY! Yes, Kenny from the Junkyard, arguably the most fascinating person ever to appear on this series. Matt is looking for something to reinforce the root cellar, or Alaskan Refrigerator, and help make it bear-proof. He and Kenny sort through a mix of scrapped appliances, eventually coming to this old computer mainframe cabinet that looks like [SPOILER ALERT!] “The Old Man in the Cave” from The Twilight Zone. Matt’s going to haul this beast back to Brownton Abbey and “mix it with nature.” “What comes from the earth shall go back to the earth,” says Kenny, the Confucius of the Bush.
I know nothing about firearms, but can someone who does know something tell us if pouring chicken grease on your rifle actually accomplishes something other than making your gun smell like the garbage can at a Popeye’s? Wouldn’t the smell attract bears? And like hell chicken grease doesn’t “coagulate.” Just ask this Florida Woman.
Noah is in charge of designing the new smokehouse that will preserve all the fish they caught in Excursion and whatever fresh deer carcass Bear brings back. Noah thinks he’s got an innovative design for a smokehouse with some kind of automatic firewood replenishment contraption. “We don’t need to go quite as overkill as you’re talking,” says Bam, ever the voice of reason. “Yes, I’m sure the original Noah cut corners on the Ark,” Noah protests. I can’t speak to that, but I’m pretty sure Darren Aronofsky cut more than a few corners on Noah. Bam gets in some nice digs on Noah about his wearing Puffy Shirts to do construction work. I’m liking Bam so much more these days, and Noah’s pretentious asshat act is wearing thin. Take this exchange:
Bam: Noah, we need to talk, man. I love the dreamhouse you’re building. But it’s taking too long.
Noah: Well …
Bam: Those fish are going to rot out on us. We need the smoker operational as quick as possible.
Noah: When you first walked up, you should’ve said “And I need to talk” not “We need to talk,” because apparently all you’re doing is informing me.
Bam: I suppose more accurate I should’ve said “I need to talk to you.” But can you, real quick, take my stove and hook that up to the smoker?
NOAH FAIL! “I’m completely willing to sacrifice my design so we can have fish now,” he says. “Progress has to suffer, but at least the family won’t.” But the viewers’ suffering continues unabated. Take this exchange:
Noah: Oppenheimer didn’t stop creating the nuke merely because they had missiles.
Bam: I don’t need a nuke. Just trying to smoke some fish.
Noah: You obviously didn’t understand the metaphor.
There are not enough faces or palms on Earth to represent the degree of facepalming I want to do right now.
Bear assembles his hunting team of Gabe and Birdy before dawn, so that they can get up to the summit of the hill at sunrise so they can take advantage of the deer-killin’ happy hour specials. There’s a lot of green night vision stuff and some manufactured elements of danger, as if they’re in Zero Dark Thirty and about to pop a cap in Osama bin Laden instead of hunting for deer.
KENNY! pays a visit to Brownton Abbey and gets a tour of all Matt’s stupid ideas, which, at one point, included a drawbridge connecting his tire hut to the metro Brownton Abbey area. But Matt decided to just lay down a board and call it a day. Other crap includes a knife-throwing target, a dumpster mirror and a doorbell of some kind. “Gotta have a gong, you know,” says Kenny. Indeed. Kenny helps Matt dig a shallow grave root cellar to drop The Old Man in the Cave inside. Matt eventually has to wave the white flag on his plan, likely due to lack of time and interest (see last week). “In my head, some things don’t work the same as in reality,” Matt says. “Like gravity, for instance.” The wise and practical Bam explains to Matt the folly of Matt’s ambitions. “Bam has been against Franken-Fridge since it started, that it had no place in the root cellar,” Matt says. “And it feels like Bam might have been right.” FRANKEN-FRIDGE FAIL!
It’s daybreak on the hill where Bear believes there will be thousands of deer. But there’s not a deer in sight. EXXXTREME FAIL! “It is EXXXTREMELY important for me that I come home with meat,” Bear says. But all Bear finds are freshly killed deer parts, meaning that there’s been a hunter (I assume he’s not talking about a human one) nearby and the deer have vacated the area. If Bear collects enough deer parts, could he reconstruct a whole new deer from them? You know, like Franken-Deer? … Sorry.
“Disenchanted with the smoker design, Noah retreats to his tent for some spider experimentation,” says our dear narrator. I’ve seen enough ’50s monster movies to know where this is going.
Noah claims to have caught a poisonous male spider in a jar, and Noah says that the spider would bite him but it “doesn’t realize there’s glass in the way.” He also claims that spiders make zombie-like “moaning” sounds. If Noah has caught a purring wolf spider, the spider does not want to bite Noah, but merely wants to have sex with him. Noah names his spiders by drawing from a deck of playing cards with pictures of dead composers. (Or De-Composers?) This particular spider’s namesake is Sergei Rachmaninoff. More like Sergei Arachnidinoff, amiright?
Ami gets out of bed to take a nice stroll through the garden. Look how lovely everything is! This sweet moment could in no way portend some kind of tragedy.
And then tragedy struck. Bear, Birdy and Gabe hear three gunshots coming from Brownton Abbey. Three shots means there’s trouble afoot, probably those goons from up in Chitina coming down to finish the job.
All the preview junk indicates that Billy has some major medical emergency.
[SPOILER ALERT!]
Billy is not dead.
This was hilarious! Haters gonna hate
Wow, David, you really do need to get a life! You are such a condemning, ridiculous nit-picking criticizing know-it-all, it is to the point of obsession. I think you may need mental help. Just reading all your silly, judgmental posts, (as if you self-appointed yourself to commandeer the comment part of this blog), it is obvious to see there must be other issues going on with you to make you such a zealot in regards to this family and their show. You make statements about which you know NOTHING, like saying Ami never lifts a finger to do anything to help out. You have NO idea what goes on in a 24-hour day in their lives, yet you act like you are with them 24/7. I had to laugh at how wound-up you get in your posts. My God! What is your deal?? It’s like you’re on a mission! Like everyone else says, you have a remote, don’t watch what you don’t like. But the thing is: YOU CAN’T STOP WATCHING BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE THEM, YOU LOVE TO CRITICIZE THEM, AND YOU WANT TO CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE TO HATE THEM. Some MENTAL issue in your big arrogant head makes you do that! There is no reason to get so mad and worked up over such stupid things! There are SO many WAY more serious things going on in this world to be mad about and to criticize and condemn, but you prefer to wage war on the Browns! If it weren’t so pathetic and sad, it would be funny. Please try to get a grip, lighten up, and you’ll be a lot happier. Your long rants and ravings accomplish NOTHING.
Seriously… I am condemning, nit picking, criticizing, obsessed, need mental help, commandeering, zealot, no nothing, love to hate, big headed, arrogant, mad, worked up, condemning, and waging war. Then you say that I am getting worked up? Now that is funny. Seriously re-read your post and Angie’s below and we can take a poll who is worked up.
ABP fan logic is that if you don’t like the show, then you shouldn’t watch because you shouldn’t say anything at all if you have nothing nice to say. But if you read a post you don’t like feel free to call names, use expletives, and generally shout somebody down. I think you need to look up the word… Hypocrisy
Not worked up, just telling it like it is. The FACTS. “Worked up” is the amount of long, obsessed rants you have posted. Take a look. And unlike you, I do would never be on here ranting, raving, and preaching on and on and on and acting like the ABP authority and no one else’s opinion should differ from mine…..then checking back constantly to see who posted, what they said, if they replied, or if they like the show, then beginning the anti-ABP rampage again. And by the way, thanks for proving my point! You were IMMEDIATELY on here right after I posted, typing up your BS because you cannot stand to be differed with or criticized like you are doing to THEM. Like I said, you’re on some useless, mental mission. So unimportant. Really. Look at what is going on in the world around you…..and you’re worried about a silly TV show??? Have a nice life…..sad as it is.
If you don’t like it… Don’t read it. Seems pretty simple
What a come-back. Wow! You’re brilliant! So, if we are going that route…..if you don’t like it, don’t WATCH it. Seems just as simple.
Yes, it was brilliant, because it got you caught up in your own argument, and having a hypocritical one at that. You just didn’t seem to follow. This even after my first post to you explained why your argument makes no sense. So you just repeated my exact argument, but somehow tried to throw it back at me? What?
I am not going to get into a back and forth tit for tat with you if that is what you are looking for. You have come at me out of the blue both guns a blazing and I have no idea who you are. Trolls have zero affect on me. I have been posing on this site with some of the same people for probably close to two years. Laughing at it the whole time. Makes sense as this is a site that is a satirical lampooning of this show. This is not me going to their Facebook page and trying to troll the fans of this show. Now out of the wild blue yonder you start throwing personal insults at me. “Have a nice life… as sad as it is”? You think that somehow affects me? I could care less. You seem like you think your personal attacks are so scathing and you are really getting me. Ummm, I don’t care. You should know three things about me (if I am not lying)… I am male, I live in Alaska and I don’t care for the Browns illegal behavior (and the story is a trainwreck I suppose). So with that info why would I care what you say as you are just throwing insults into space hoping something sticks? My life is so sad… wow, that just cut to the bone. How will I recover? Notice I am not saying derogatory things about you. Because I don’t care, don’t know you, and I am adult. I am not going to get into some back and forth of insults with an anonymous person somewhere in the world. That is what 14 year old do.
So here is our relationship Mr. Everest… I have giving many facts and reasons why this show makes no sense, poked fun at the show, and pointed out how they broken the law. You just throw insults and attack me.
I could respect your point of view if you were debating that the filming does make sense, or something about Browns at least. But a random person doing his best to be personally insulting to me who I have never met… Yawn.
I do have one great present for you though Blake. I did DVR the show but doubt I am going to watch it. I read a recap of it, and as usual not much happens, and what a shocker Billy seems fine. So I am going to save the 40 minutes and obviously won’t be doing a breakdown of it. Last week was the first show I watched in a year and am going back on hiatus. Maybe a comment or two but the last thing that is interesting is what happens in court in December. This week has made me pretty Brown’d out. Most importantly… Hope you had a great Thanksgiving Blake!
Wow, we got a double dumpster fire. Think we had reached that point. In honor of this I am going to roll out a new saying for all my new found fans…
If you don’t like it, don’t read it
Good gosh how many other cool things do you have that you aren’t showing us?
I got a good one but I don’t know how or if you can post it here.
Ha ha david doesnt care? but just look at that looooong post. Me thinks he dost care ha a ha
Shhh, Santa is coming soon son.
I love the Alaskan Bush People, I can’t Imagine Living there. But they take it in stride and try to survive the best they can. You have to be a Special kind of person to live there,
Love Ya all sally
I would try living there for a month and see if it’s as good as they say.I’m a little concerned about the bathing how many weeks go by ,I’m a clean nut so one month may be tuff .but I do like the show .Bear needs his head checked he’s really out there. I hope the show keeps running ,it’s better than some of the other junk .
Good luck and hope you mom gets better.
The most enjoyment I’ve had regarding this show is watching the moronic nonsense the actors toss around during the filming…..A great example is Noah, probably the most narcissistic individual ever to appear on television and yet; simultaneously the stupidest. The two “qualities” as incongruous as they are, somehow provide the basis to generate the arrogance that runs rampant within the minds of the entire cast…And to add to the hilarity of each episode is the nonsense that few people even notice. I’ll give you a for instance: Noah is torching and beating apart an old wood stove. Using an acetylene torch, he cuts the top of it but for some reason it will not separate from the rest of the stove. Best thing to do? Maybe take a closer look and perhaps take note of what the hang up might be? Perish the thought. Why not grab that there stove-bashing sledgehammer and swing for the fences? You bet. But poor old Noah, in an effort to appear to be as smooth an operator as he isn’t, he somehow lets the sledge handle gracefully slide through his hand and whap! He manages to hit himself in the head with it. But, I gotta hand it to him; in order to preserve the moment, he never even flinched as the side of his skull received the blunt force tramau…as long as the cameras were rolling. The sure-fire sign that Noah has a great deal of practice at damaging himself. David, thanks for your commentary, it almost doubles the laughs of the show itself.
Well I am glad somebody is enjoying my ramblings. The angry Alaskan Bush People mob seems to be after me now. Good gosh, it is a basic cable TV show that is fake, poorly edited and some of the cast is going to be going to jail for fraud and theft. You would have thought I am beating up kittens something. The Alaskan Bush People definitely take their show quite seriously. If I was going to take a stand in life I can assure you the ABP wouldn’t be in my top 10.
Enjoy your ramblings I do indeed….My only fear is that I’m afraid this show will be cancelled on grounds of groundless intelligence and integrity.
So we’ll eagerly await the next installment of Mornotown history…Remember Noah stated he was “single handedly bringing the industrial revolution to Browntown.”
Can’t wait for the smokestacks to rise from the ashes.
Your right about it getting cancelled and the end of the fun. I am afraid that it is a real possibility at this point.
Imagine if Noah discovers electricity, he could revolutionize Browntown and the world at large
Quote: “If I was going to take a stand in life I can assure you the ABP wouldn’t be in my top 10.”
Gee, you could have fooled me! LOLOLOL
I read all your ramblings too and it looks like they are for sure number 1 on your list! Just sayin’!
I was on some other ABP sites too and there you were! Since you are making it your life goal to trash them good luck. People like what they like and theyll like it for their own reasons. Yeah there are a lot of questions we all wonder about but we dont need you trying to lead a lynching. What a weirdo!
Yea, I have watched 1 episode in over a year. What a super fan I am. Please post all of these other sites I am posting on. I would be happy to read all of the things I have never posted. I like the recaps Ryan posts so that is why I come here.
What a really weird week this has been. I have posted on this site from the beginning almost 2 years ago, poking fun at it the whole time and laughing with others, and this week all of the ABP superfans show up in a lynch mob.
BTW… I noticed not one of you has an actually defense of the Browns in any way. Just tossing insults at people you don’t like.
Also, why are you guys so fixated on me? There is a number of people on this site that laugh and make fun of the Browns. I just might do it with more gusto. I have looked at their Facebook page a couple of times and that seems like the wild west of trolls. But you come to a site with recaps of the show that make fun of it and can’t believe everybody here doesn’t love them. Strange.
For a person that has read all of my postings where do I care what people like to watch? I have posted many times that if you enjoy the show more power to you. The Browns have personally stole money from me and I am not happy about it and hope they get the justice they deserve. That is my beef and a pretty valid one I think most people can understand.
You ABP superfans sure are an interesting bunch. I would think you should be running out of personal insults at some point. I am not holding my breath though.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving Bethany!
Why should anyone listen to anything you say if you supposedly dont even watch the show?
And the Browns did not steal money from you personally. There are about 740,000 Alaskans that got paid $2,072 each this year, if you deduct $20,000 stolen by the Browns, the amount you lost is not really anything. Maybe a penny? Ha! Did you know when someone shoplifts it raises prices foreveryone else? Maybe you should go after all the shoplifters, too, and all the people that lie on their taxes or get government food stamps or ssi or welfare or disability or free school lunches or oodles of other kinds of help that lied and dont deserve it. Thats a lot of people stealing from you, and it comes to a heck of a lot more than the Browns took. What they did was wrong, but there are a lot more people doing worse, and getting checks for it every month. Your work is cut out for you. So many vendettas, so little time, huh?
Well let’s see Billie always says we don’t need modern world. Well when boys lot on lake in boat the crew called searchers last episode a call for paramedics. Who has been paying all hospital bills 2 for Billie 2 for mom. Now 3 for kids. Well. Here we go Billie writes books why does he get assistance from the state of Alaska. Do we charge him for help from rescue crew? Who is paying for land and obvious purchased supplies. If you all want true shows about Alaska watch Alaska last frontier. Now that’s honest and true . No assistance from state of Alaska for them. I have learned a lot. I sit and watch Billie and his team of bandits act stupid can’t hammer a nail.I am perplexed as to why they don’t hunt bear as the other Alaskan shows do for meat? I watch it to see how many lies and stupid occuriences per show I can find. if dear old mom is so sick how did she go to court? Discovery Chanel needs to do more investigation for shows. This now and then 19 kids and counting.
Sally Buckley
The land is leased by the Discovery channel for 7 years and the cabin was built by a construction crew. The Browns have no valid hunting and fishing licenses so there are folks from town that are paid to do the hunting for them so they can show it on TV.
Alaska the Last Frontier is a much better choice for any sort of realism. My personal Alaska show is Deadliest Catch, but that isn’t really about living in Alaska.
Well David either your a well paid critic or have no apparent life you say your not believing the show and have so much to say about some stupid show that is all so fake yet you have consumed the last few days at least that’s a far back as I look with ABS yet it’s bulls hit right… you seem to have so many opinions about others you don’t know why don’t you be more concerned with your life and you wouldn’t have so much time to sit around and comment on something you know SHIT about fake/or real what’s it to you? Seems like your kinda jealous to me. Everyone who loves this show understands TV is scripted in many ways no matter how real they make it. Get a JOB a LIFE and get the fuck off the Internet with your negative BS. Stop wasting your time worrYing about someone else’s family and figure out your own….. BTW if everytime you went hunting you actually got something it wouldn’t be a hunt dumbass and if they only showed the glory moments you would have something to say about that so go watch some Real house Wife’s
Sadly Angie, I am not a well paid critic, but I do in fact have a life the last time I checked. Least one that I am happy with. I type quite quickly so this doesn’t take much of my time. Boy, you are pretty fired up. I am sorry my posts have been this upsetting to you. Guess it would be an understatement to say I stuck a nerve.
What it is to me Angie is I am a lifelong Alaskan and their fraud and theft they committed was stealing right out of my pocket. That is how the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend works. Billy released a statement this week admitting to the fraud. So it isn’t like this didn’t happen. In fact their statement apologized to all Alaskans they stole money from. So that is what it is to me. I can assure you I know a decent amount about the situation way beyond what they show you on TV. A bit ironic you are yelling at me about a subject that you are probably not a subject matter expert.
The bigger point is what is it of your concern what I write on the comment section of a satirical recapping of this show? Did you even read the recap? We are basically poking fun at this show on this site. Did you think you came on to the official Alaskan Bush People fan site or their Facebook page? So I am not sure why you are so concerned with how I spend my time and what my opinion is of the ABP. I have no idea why this is such a big concern of yours. If you are going to track down all the people who are not fans of the ABP on the internet and yell at them I can assure you that you are going to be really busy. So good luck with that I suppose. I think it would be a lot easier on you to not come unglued if somebody doesn’t agree with you especially on something as trivial as a cable television show. If you really like the ABP show and think the Browns are great people, then more power to you. Enjoy the show.
You have a wonderful night
this guy david needs to get a life and check on the crooks in goverment and leave this show alone .i bet you have broken a few laws yourself.
Wow, I am a full on villain now because I don’t drink the ABP kool aid. The good news I will be at a Barnes & Noble near you signing… yes… One Wave at a Time written by the one and only Billy Bryan Brown. It is available now on Amazon for only $139.83 used and $292.90 new in paperback (I freaking kid you not), so be sure to gets your now. More completely made up stories by Billy.
http://www.amazon.com/ONE-WAVE-AT-A-TIME/dp/1601453000
On a serious note, what is up with that price? I am struggling to understand this one. Are the Browns and Discovery doing everything they can to make sure nobody buys it? I am lost on this one.
I LOVE your blogs almost more then the show, your take on the show is the same as my daughter and I when we watch the show… We ask ourselves the same questions and laugh out loud at the important structures they need to build….( a stage?! ) lol keep up the great work !
what a smart mouth jeez
where do you get all this so-called information? you need to show all the sources of your supposed “facts” or you are no better than the Browns you claim are lying. anyone can make things up and just say crap like that.
that was @david, btw.
me 3
I’ve been following the show from the first episode and will continue to do so, as long as they remain true to their beliefs and it shows at every episode, I find myself focusing on bam more and more, is there’s a way to have him to read or repply directly to any questions about him?
Lets see if Mr. Berenz can’t use his Hollywood pull and set something up for you. He has been in contact with the Browns recently, and although they won’t answer all his questions, maybe he will have some pull as to whom the boys are going to date. He is doing a great job turning his recaps into the new ABP fan site. Good job!
David why is it that when anyone talks about this show you are the only one to be smart and say something rude about what they say? Just stop watching the show if you don’t like it. Have you ever thought of that? Last time I checked no one is perfect and either are you. It is a sin to gossip about others. JUST WATCH SOMETHING ELSE
Oh good, another fan. You should really re-read these postings Greg. When people say they like the show I don’t care (like the postings at the bottom). I just post my opinion on how unbelievably bad this show can be with some supporting facts and basically get reprimanded or yelled at by people that I have no right to express my opinion. In fact Greg, I haven’t been rude to anybody but have had expletives directed my way. The posting are pretty funny in the fact if I like the show then it is high fives. But if I point out the negatives it is… “You !@#$ son of @#$%, how dare you say bad things about the Browns. Why don’t you stop watching if you don’t have anything nice to say!”. Quite the mob mentality. But the part that is over the top, this is a recap poking fun at the show. Also Greg, does it seem like I am the only person to not say supporting things about the Browns on here? Nope, not even close. Seriously, do I need to rent a bus and drive people over to the Alaskan Bush People Facebook page and drop them off so everybody can sing Kumbaya and hold hands around the campfire on how great the ABP are? If you are looking for trolls you should head over there. A bunch of fans with various people posting bad things about the Browns until the fight ensues.
As far as the getting a life comment, that is pretty funny also. It is not me supporting felony theft and fraud having to do with individuals involved in a fake TV show (Lets not pretend the show isn’t completely fake and they aren’t guilty as Billy Brown admitted as much in his statement for the court this week). You and I just obviously differ on what kind of behavior we support. Lastly, it was you not me that started this conversation. Have a great day Greg and enjoy the ABP experience. It is a wild ride no matter what side of the fence you sit on.
I’m curious to know if bam would be willing to date an older woman? And if that is something that he could answer on his own or does he has to talked over with the whole family?
To much B. S. Let them live there lives. Or maybe you rather watch a real show like J Wow and Snooky LMAO
It is hard to let them live their lives when they go and commit fraud and theft of public money. If you just want to be left alone then don’t go committing crimes and putting your whole lives on national television.
But your point on Jersey Shore is a more interesting point. Usually the argument is “I love the show and it sure is better than watching the Kardashians”. So the argument is it is better to stand in ankle deep rather then in neck deep human waste? Why not stand in any human waste? I mean really, because the Kardashians is a terrible show that makes ABP a good show. I am seriously not following the logic of this argument. If my choices of the only TV I could watch was Jersey Shore, Kardashians or Alaskan Bush People, I would honestly reacquaint myself with my local library and start saving money by cutting my cable bill.
I really like this show, it’s one of my 2 favorites. Love the family, their different personalities and how different it is where they live. It’s one of me most interesting shows on tv. Please don’t cancel it, renew it as long as you’ve got viewers tuning in.
I truly love love ABP. I think it’s a great show. I think it’s good entertainment. It shows a different way of living. Please keep it on tv. Don’t cancel it. Everyone make mistakes.
I hope you keep the show Alaskin Bush People I love that family I watch them all the time I’ve watched reruns over and over I feel like there just down to earth people like a lot of us not putting on for the cameras I love them I’ll never stop watching, everyone makes mistakes.
Leave them alone one thing they have is family nobody is perfect and for all you people if you dont like it use your remote but sounds like you do plant down for this show . If you have watched the camera girl for discovery tells you they like to be groomed just means they are not nasty they have ways if bathing and washing clothes geez find something better to do than to down grade if Discovery take them off 50 million viewers will be lost so I don’t think so they are here to stay The Brown Family is not quitters
Amen
SPOILER ALERT: I think this show is terrible in so many ways. But it is terrible in one of the worst ways you could be in a TV show in that… it is boring. Every cliffhanger amounts to nothing (or you just ignore it like the shots fired in Chtina). If you were forced to write down 5 things they did or accomplished in an episode you couldn’t do it. This last episode half of the time was taken up with a failed deer hunt, with a sprinkle of Matt can’t build things, Noah makes the most basic things and acts like he is a super inventor changing the world, and either Billy or Ami is sick or hurt. Not a good show when it can be explained to you in under 2 minutes. The Bachelor is a also a terrible show, but it at least train wreck bad where you can laugh at how stupid the whole thing is (I am no longer allowed to watch it with my wife as I am constantly making fun of it). The ABP drag think out so slowly I swear time is going backward sometimes.
Soooo, why do I follow and/or watch it occasionally and waste my time commenting on Ryan’s great recaps? Honestly I find the ABP super fascinating in a society and sociological way. Here are the two things that I am very interested in right now
1) What is Discovery going to do with this show? Up till this last week the Brown’s legal troubles were just alleged, and it was nothing more than charges. But after this week it is quite obvious they are guilty. The plea deal was rejected by the Browns lawyers after the judge wouldn’t sign off on it. So now it goes back to court on the 3rd of December. Billy alone faces 120 years in prison on a whopping 24 felony counts, so he probably wants no part of a trial. Why? Because it is quite obvious they are guilty and this week Billy told the world in a written statement they were guilty. No way he wants to go to prison for the rest of his natural born life after facing a trial and sets his fate in the hands of a jury. Plus if they were so innocent they would have never pled guilty in a plea, as they are telling the world they are lying about their show (i.e. – we didn’t live in Alaska for many years). So you know by possibly putting their show in jeopardy by pleading guilty, they are pretty darn guilty. So Discovery is stuck with a conundrum with the ABP. It is morals and ethics versus money now that the legal crap has hit the fan and can’t be swept under the rug. There is zero doubt that upper Discovery management isn’t talking about what to do at this point. The show is profitable, but at what cost to your brand image. The cries to cancel ABP is growing loud at this point. I think it will come to a head when some of the Browns start getting sentenced to jail time. Please don’t kid yourself that they are going to jail. The judge wants them in jail and there is now way Billy wants to face dying in jail with a 20-30 year sentence. Be very interesting how much of the Browns Discovery is willing to endure for money.
2) If I were a TV executive and I brought in a group of people off the street to pitch TV show ideas, almost nobody would want to see the ABP made today if everything were explained to them. I tell the group that the families story about living in the wild for 30 years is BS, they have been hawking this TV show and movie idea for at least 6-7 years we know of, they are in the act of pleading guilty to stealing $20,900 of public money and committed fraud while doing it, and at minimum they are going to spend a month or two in jail for their crimes in addition to probation and community service. People would ask me what other ideas for shows I can show them cause that one stinks. The story is pathetic and the criminal activity would be a huge turn off. Ah, but that is because nobody ever hear of them before. But this Brown clan has been around for a couple of years now, and some fans have built up liking for them. So now instead of “No way I am watching those criminals” it turns into “None of us are perfect, give them a break. They are a great family and they are so close. What would the family do without Billy? All of us have skeletons in our closet right? Please put the Browns back on because I love their show”. Honestly I am super fascinated by this. Which brings up the question, what could the Browns do that would be over the line? $20,900 in theft, committing fraud with up to a possible 200 years in prison along with fishing violations certainly isn’t enough in some peoples eyes. Part of what they have done is a little harder for people to understand than the Browns walking into a store and stealing $20,900 worth of merchandise. The public outcry would be a lot higher IMO. But this is Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend theft. What does that mean to most people? The PFD is actually worse because they had to sigh sworn statements that they were telling the truth. So a lot of people like to just say the PFD fraud is some kind of misunderstanding. It is a far from that I can assure you as I have been receiving PFD’s since it started in 1981 and only didn’t receive them when I was living out of state for a few years and didn’t apply for them. So what would it take? Animal cruelty, domestic violence, racism, dropping the N word, assault, murder, drug possession? Where is the line for society where we shun people? Paula Deen admitted to using the N word many years ago and… she basically lost everything. So it just depends on what you have done and how high on the hot button list it is in the publics eye. I am just a bit surprised on how much some people have come running to the Browns defense because they like what they seen on a TV show. I think this story will develop quickly in December when the punishment for the violations become more clear. In the end I am interested in how low a TV network and the public is willing to go with the Browns until it is just too much to take.
Bloop….@David…. a mouth full
Before I realized it the ABP repeat was on in the background. Man, they blather on and on about how dangerous and hard an alpine deer hunt is. Hey guys, it is a 2,600′ hill right out your backdoor. Lets not play this like you are climbing Everest.
I think the show is funny but not enough to commit a Crime…. if I stool $20,900 they wouldn’t think twice…. probation who, community what, all it would be is Open and Shut case…. especially if I plea guilty…. it would be Worse than 48 hours…. she omitted it. Period Point Blank
That is what it so weird about this Angela. If you read what the judge said it was that if somebody went into a Wal Mart and stole $2,000 they would be going to jail on felony theft. So how can the Browns sign false statements, steal $20,900 and not do a day in jail. If it was you or I, off to jail we would go. Really strange. On the other hand that is why the judge wasn’t going to go along with them just walking.
You all almost always look so clean. This is not a put down by any means. I’ve just imagined you living like you’re out in the woods like camping. I loved to be in nature camping for weeks at a time, but it felt so good to come home and take a nice hot shower and put on some clean dry clothes. I guess my question is how do you all looks so neat and clean without hot running water. Without a clothes washer and dryer?
Ami for almost two solid seasons was wearing a white Angora sweater that never had a drop of dirt on it. Miracle to be a hardened outdoors woman and never have a speck of dirt on her, or ever change her clothes. Also lets not forget half the clan wearing leather biker jackets at one time or another. Equally horrible in the rain and cold.
Biker jackets are made to repel win and rain
So how many hunters, outdoorsman or fisherman wear leather jackets? Ummm, lets go with nobody. Bikers wear them because not only are they stylish (in that community), but because they are very durable material to prevent road rash and injuries (to a point) incase of a crash. I can assure you that leather jackets were not designed for the purpose of repelling wind and rain. If you are right on this one you could revolutionize the rain jacket industry in the country. Also in cold weather, like we get in Alaska, they are past worthless. They hold in the cold while becoming very stiff and hard to move. Other than people in the warmer months wearing them for style, I see basically nobody wearing them in the winter here in Alaska.
But we are really missing the bigger point here. The Browns don’t live in the wild, nor Alaska, hence their choice of attire. Probably a fine choice of clothing for Texas, where they have lived most of the time since 2009.
Ya I have thought the same thing and they don’t look like they are starving the mom is the only one that looks like she needs to gain weight
So the “bush” people weren’t “living wild” in Alaska between 2009 and 2012. How the heck did Discovery Channel find them there?
The alpine hunt was ludicrous. Always obvious that these people have no experience at all. A “Last Frontier” episode had Eivan and pregnant Eve on a real “alpine” hunt. Eve acknowledged she couldn’t climb the whole mountain and stayed down low, by herself, overnight. Eivan succeeded in stalking deer, shooting one, dressing it, and carrying it down by himself. Why don’t the bush people watch that show to see how it’s done.
Billy was in Seattle when he called the court to confess guilt. They probably have TVs there.
Hilarious recap as usual. Love the Sergei Arachnidinoff line!
Discovery channel find them? I bet Billy was camped outside the CEO’s door jumping up and down “Pick me! Pick me! I want a TV show!” for a good 6 months.
I love your commentary David! I think Billy Brown is a very poor role model for his kids. He uses them as his work horses. Don’t get me wrong, I think his kids should do their part but what does Billy do? I’m sure his son didn’t decide to steal money from the Alaskan people, that has Billy Brown written all over it.
Instead of spending all the families money to “start a part time business” with a 90 year old boat maybe Billy and Ami should invest in their children’s future. I think Noah is brilliant. He would be an incredible engineer with the proper schooling. It’s sad that Billy and Ami are making the kids live their dream, and they have convinced the kids that they share the same dream.
Remember, Tammy: The Browns you see on TV are not the Browns in real life. The boat business, Noah’s Bush Genius and just about everything you see are constructed for a TV show. Billy’s dream for years has been to profit from this idealized fantasy world of Alaskan Bush Livin’ through books and TV shows. He’s learning the hard way that “fame” has its price.
Well too bad that Daddy Billy Brown is not a good example to his family .
Ok, I broke down and watched this episode. I must have had a weak moment with all the legal stuff swirling around. Wow, everything completely dragged out and nothing happens. Right were this show was when I last watched it. If I was to point out all of the BS in this show I could almost have enough to write a graduate thesis paper. Few quite random thoughts in no order and probably lacking proofreading or punctuation. Here goes…
1) As usual winter is approaching and they have… NO FOOD! ARGGGHHH! Seriously, people who live in Alaska and live off the land spend all summer and fall stocking up on wild game like deer, moose, caribou and especially fish like salmon. People in remote villages will catch up to thousands of salmon for them and their dog teams. This part of the Browns go to routine to create drama is so old and dumb. How do very experienced wilderness survivalists constantly run out of food and the next hunt for deer is life or death? People who really live in the wild, and I know a few, are always stocking up on food. Ridiculous drama that just shows how they know exactly nothing about living in the wild.
2) Nice deer hunt there guys. The hill in the back should have taken a couple of hours to climb to, not half a day. My favorite part is how they stalk their game. You stand in the middle of the clearing talking loudly to each other. Wow, how is it you have no deer? Maybe go to the trees on the edge of the clearing and shut up for 5 minutes and they might come out. Guess the whole sit up in a tree stand and be silent for hours is a concept they never heard of. Also, Bear climbed up the day before and there was tons of deer. Next day they climb up there and not only is there no deer, but it is because hunters recently killed some of the deer. Umm, you were there yesterday, and you heard no shots but hunters have raided the place. Yea, right. Also don’t forget that the Browns have no valid hunting or fishing licenses, so yea, also a bit of a problem.
Also, travelling in the dark in bear country, BRILLANT, if you want to get attacked and eaten. Many bear attacks happen because you accidentally startle them. That could never happen in the pitch black.
3) Ami has never lifted barely a finger to help out anywhere, so the whole injury thing, yea, doubt they will miss her. Loved the whole “we have to really step up our game to make up for mom thing”. As if.
4) Constantly having to show the same shots fired spoiler, over and over, and over again, every commercial break. They let you hear enough to know it is Billy. Billy is in the process of phoning in his guilty plea to a judge in Alaska as we speak. So yea, he doesn’t die or have anything major wrong with him. This show is the KING of ridiculous cliff hanger that turn out to be nothing. This one in particular though is so over the top.
5) Yes, I had to rewind 3 times but I also caught the Bear “wind shear” thing. Didn’t know he was a pilot.
6) How many times did Billy and Bear have to go over the whole 3 shots, 1 shot thing. You would think after 30 years in the wild they would have this thing down by now.
7) Not surprisingly Matt had no idea what he was building. He wanted a root cellar and ended with logs standing on end with an old electrical box in the middle about one to two feet in the ground. Wow, you couldn’t get farther away from a root cellar. But this is Matt. I guess ABP fans are supposed to find this cute or something.
8) Few classic editing errors. One had a shot of the cabin that still had the blanket on the door frame. Next shot, door is there. Nobody cares about proofing this anymore obviously.
9) Chicken grease on a gun? Never heard of that in my life. Plus they hardly seemed like the strained it to get the chunks or chicken out of it.
10) They catch fish, then think, hmmm, we should have a way to smoke it. No reason to have a smoke house ready BEFORE you catch fish. Also there seemed to be a long time between catching fish and the smoker working. Seemed like they would have rotted.
11) As usual as Brown swings a hammer and a nail is bent. Just one time producers show them actually drive a nail into the wood. Seriously.
Sadly this wasn’t a very good episode even by the very very low standards of this show.. So I am back to just reading your great recaps Ryan. Way to take one for the team buddy.
You’re welcome, dude. This one goes out to you. #FreeBillyBrown
If you could get me that hashtag in a t-shirt, I would be forever grateful
What size?
I’m think a size S as a belly shirt would really go nicely with the whole ABP vibe thing.
RI think the best thing is for them D.C..to cancel the show.They have lost their credibility.Bam is totally ignorant and should think before he opens his mouth.For instance when Bam told Noah that there was no plan to build the Ark.God gave Noah the exact plan.In the nut shell my family and I will not watch until they list it as comedy and non fiction.
Going to be very interesting what the Discovery channel does with this show. There is no doubt the pressure to cancel it on moral grounds is fairly high right now. But the show has been a ratings hit and I am sure very profitable for the network. Also their fan base is VERY loyal. I read lots on the web and it is pretty amazing how the hard core fans have brushed off the crimes they have committed like it was nothing. It actually makes me wonder where the line is for the fans as to what point they would turn on them. Right now I am not even sure a murder conviction would do it. Amazingly loyal fan base.
If you cant say something nice, then don’t say anything at all .Just because you are not a fan of the show does not mean that other people can’t make there own decision about watching. Bottom line , If you don’t like it then don’t watch it. I along with many millions of other people happen to enjoy it. And don’t want or need your criticism .Go watch some other channel.
Thank you Ryan. I honestly really missed that picture. It probably has more meaning now than the first time you posted it.
It’s editorial policy. It must be followed. I’m thinking of doing a NOBODY’S PERFECT one.
Wow how many times is that on just this one recap. I’m just catching up.
As always great recap.
wow, you just keep “breaking down” and watching episode after episode. lol lol lol
The judge has rejected the plea deal and he wants them to serve jail time. The case will return to trial on December 3rd. The judge made some very excellent points. Here is the breaking story from one of our Alaskan news sites…
http://www.ktuu.com/news/news/alaskan-bush-people-stars-admit-to-lying-on-permanent-fund-dividend-applications/36533258
My favorite part: “Lawyers for both sides argued in favor of the plea agreement, saying that the public condemnation of outraged online comments and heavy press coverage is a punishment all its own.” That sounds like Bush Lawyerin’.
It sure does doesn’t it. Do you think the lawyers are reading your recaps and the comments section for that public condemnation portion?
The defense wanting that plea deal makes all the sense in the world. The prosecution though? Seriously? They honestly think that paying back the stolen money, a little probation and 40 hours of community service is justice well served? That and the rest of the clan besides Billy and Bam just pay the money back and we are all good. Wow, am I disappointed in Alaska’s lawyers.
My hope is that the Bush Law-Talkin’ Guys have read all these recaps and comments and laughed their asses off.
I like how Alaska is finally getting some return on the film subsidy investment in “ABP,” albeit in a roundabout way. 😉
Pretty roundabout, but yes. I think that you have provided in your recaps and comments section more than your fair share of public condemnation. After reading the archives maybe the prosecution thinks we have humiliated them far worse than a 30 day jail section. After hours and hours of reading they came to the conclusion “Yea, were good. Just let them go”.
Happy (for now) to live in a world where the Internet cannot administer justice.
Sounds like a great barter mabye Billy tossed in a cooler of fish or something .
I like the show
Me too
So do I.
Me too! Its nobodys business who we like or why, and stop trying to brain wash us david. Get yourself a real life and live and let live.