Articles by Ryan Berenz

About Ryan Berenz

Member of the Television Critics Association. Charter member of the Ancient and Mystic Society of No Homers. Squire of the Ancient & Benevolent Order of the Lynx, Lodge 49, Long Beach, Calif. Costco Wholesale Gold Star Member since 2011.

“Highway 18” Quick Nine: The Spotlight

August 28, 2008 Ryan Berenz

1. Odds are good someone’s going home. Three teams have a shot at getting sent home today: Raul and Jameica, Andy and Parker and the Ashleys. If I were a betting man, I’d put money on the Ashleys to get the boot. But I think I’ll be a little disappointed if no one goes home today. I think maybe I’ve watched too many mean-spirited reality shows, and much of my enjoyment comes from teams or individuals getting kicked off. But really, there’s no one team I dislike and want to see kicked off — I just want someone to get […]

"Hurl!" Here: Dog And Pony Show

August 27, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Contestants on this episode of Hurl! will try to down up to 10 pounds of hot dogs and take a whirl in the spinning Round Up. Let’s meet the five guys who really want to date your daughter: Mike, an after-school programs assistant; Nick, who works at a computer lab at an elementary school; Sammy, a clothing designer and drummer for a punk band who delivers pizza in his “spare” time, if by spare he means 50 hours a week; Chris, an AV equipment installer; and Erik, a U.S. Marine who looks like a slightly bad-ass Neil […]

"E:60": Sperm U, The Tampa Bay Rays And Steve Fossett

August 25, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Cubicle QB Features on the Aug. 26 (7pm ET) edition of ESPN’s sports newsmagazine series E:60: Sperm U — Kids today are competing in organized sports at younger ages and with greater intensity because parents see the rewards that come with athletic achievement (college scholarships, pro salaries), as well as the consequences for children who fall behind early (physical inactivity, obesity). As such, parents resort to extreme measures to give their kids a fighting chance. E:60 correspondent Tom Farrey exclusively reports the story about the ultimate effort to buy athletic advantage — the purchase of sperm from anonymous […]

"Highway 18" Quick Nine: Beaches, Basketballs And Blunders

August 22, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan 1. Rob’s knowledge of Caddyshack is poor. One of the Ashleys is preparing to hit her shot on Daytona Beach, and Rob starts quoting the “Be the ball” Ty Webb Zen golf thing from Caddyshack. But wouldn’t the “Noonan!” psych-out technique be more appropriate here? Either way, if his desired effect was to annoy, then he succeeded. It doesn’t faze the Ashleys, though. They come in second, right behind Peach and Jay. 2. Rashard Lewis’ latest CD drops Tuesday. Rashard Lewis of the Orlando Magic lends his voice talents to the CD in the teams’ Enclaves, instructing […]

"Hurl!" Here: Merry-Go-Retch

August 21, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Our latest edition of G4’s Hurl! goes back to the playground, with contestants pounding the PB&J sandwiches and going for a dizzying ride on the merry-go-round. Let’s meet the five gastronomes competing today: Miguel, a student who once streaked at a bowling alley; Pedro, a student and part-time caterer; Aaron, a student and part-time barber who just had his wisdom teeth pulled out earlier this week; Tony, a U.S. Navy chef; and Clark, a coffee barista who wants to host a TV show. That’s pretty much a cross-section of L.A. right there. We should mention that Miguel, […]

"E:60": Reggie Love And Cindy McCain

August 18, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Cubicle QB Sports and politics come together beginning this week on ESPN’s sports newsmagazine series E:60. Reggie Love (Tuesday, Aug. 19 at 7pm ET) — The name Reggie Love may not mean much to the public at large, but for the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, he’s been a constant presence. Love is the personal assistant, more commonly referred to as a “body man,” to Barack Obama, and is always by the senator’s side. The former Duke University football and basketball player tried to make it in the NFL. But after unsuccessful tryouts with the Packers and Cowboys in […]

HBO’s “Hard Knocks” Goes Deep In The Heart Of Dallas Cowboys Training Camp

August 15, 2008 Ryan Berenz

This summer, America will get an insider’s view of “America’s Team.” Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, never one to shy away from a chance to put himself or his team in the spotlight, is giving NFL Films camera crews total access to Cowboys training camp in Oxnard, Calif., for the fourth installment of the critically acclaimed HBO reality series Hard Knocks. “This is an opportunity for the Cowboys to bring millions of our fans closer to our team and the training camp experience,” Jones says. Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Dallas Cowboys airs in five one-hour episodes Wednesdays beginning […]

ESPN Saves Geico Cavemen From Extinction

August 15, 2008 Ryan Berenz

It seems that ESPN’s days of appealing to sports Neanderthals are not over. AdvertisingAge is reporting today that ESPN will be using the Geico cavemen as pitchmen for their online fantasy football and SportsCenter. The insurance-shilling Neanderthals will be spotted frequently across the cable-sports behemoth’s media properties over the next year as part of a novel integration deal between Geico and ESPN that casts the cavemen as fantasy-football salesmen, as well as stars of a series of vignettes promoting the network’s flagship SportsCenter program. The Geico cavemen may be the most overrated, overhyped and underfunny marketing gimmicks ever, and I’m […]

"Highway 18" Quick Nine: Off To The Races

August 13, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan 1. “I love you, man!” Thanks to Andy hitting his shot in the target at the horse farm, the two guys get a nice head start on the other teams on their way to Daytona. Parker professes his love for Andy, and their budding bromance will be an intriguing subplot for the rest of the series. 2. The Ashleys’ airbags have deployed. Golf is such a mental game. One bad shot can get in your head and lead to many more bad shots. The Ashleys are in a state of panic during the golf challenges, and they’re […]

"Hurl!" Here: Ring Of Hurl

August 11, 2008 Ryan Berenz

Posted by Ryan Five contestants will slurp down wonton soup and dim sum and then ride the Megaloop, sort of a roller coaster that just goes in one big endless vertical loop. Let’s meet the five guys who couldn’t cut it as carnies: Benjamin (“Dallas”), a filmmaker; Willis, an actor/producer; Jacobus, an acrobat whose dream job is being a hobo; Ryan, a waiter and aspiring tattoo artist; and Eddie, a dental assistant. I’m pulling for Jacobus. We share the same career aspirations. The guys start soupin’ it up for five minutes. I’m a little surprised that more guys aren’t just […]