American Idol

Kristy Lee has decided that gold sparkly shirts are lucky for her. That’s the only reason why that I can think of she’s wearing the same shirt she’s worn in weeks past. Once again, we start with the Idols belching out of the center of the stage. We learn that these poor slobs have to work the phone bank for Idol Gives Back. Welcome to the big time, kids — telemarketing! Now, hit your numbers or you won’t get your bonus! Michael Johns — Dream On Up first is Michael ‘I’ve got the cojones to wear an ascot AGAIN’ Johns. […]

Way to start with the cheesy group number. Of course it’s ‘9-to-5.’ Someone doesn’t turn on Ramiele’s microphone until she’s halfway through a lyric. Michael Johns has traded his ascot for super-tight pants. He can’t hide his disdain for the cheesy group number. Unlike David Archuleta, who can’t get enough of the group sing. The ‘Kids’ are surrounding the judges, who can barely control their laughter. They’ve got choreography! Please forgive me if I don’t recap Ryan’s recap of last night’s American Idol. I did that yesterday. I feel like the guy on the box of Cream of Wheat. On […]

Ryan Seacrest starts this episode with an über-lame American Idol April Fools’ Day Joke. I will not start this recap with an über-lame April Fools’ Day joke. I think too much of you out there. We then get the soft-focus Dolly Parton introduction. The ‘hey, kids, she’s really important’ package. First up is Brooke White, and she’s smartly chosen ‘Jolene.’ Dolly likes her choice as well. Brooke is joined by the box drummer, a fiddler and a backup singer. Like most performances, Brooke goes sweet with her interpretation. She makes a song sweet like David Cook goes all rocker on […]

by WindUpDoll Do I even need to tell you that the results show is chock full of filler? There’s a songwriting competition. Then it’s the cheesy group number! Starting off with ‘Get Right Back To Where We Started From.’ Do you get it? They were all singing songs from the year they were born, so that’s where they started from. Get it? It’s way cheesy. Michael Johns and David Cook do the ‘I’m-a-dude-this-is-so-not-gay’ chest thump. It’s because the girls are doing all the lead singing, leading the guys to do silly things. I hear this song and I think of […]

Is it just me, or has Ryan’s ‘This… is American Idol‘ gotten even cheesier? I didn’t think it was possible, but I think he’s achieved some kind of Easter miracle with tonight’s delivery. The pause was longer, there was a head-bob going on. All kinds of queso. The Idols are belched out from the center of the stage, instead of coming down the stairs. Tonight’s theme is: “You’re Old, America!” I mean, songs from the year the contestants were born. Up first — Ramiele. She was born in 1987. Hang on, I need some oxygen. Ok, better now. She blah, […]

by WindUpDoll Cheesy group number starts the results show! The guys begin with ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps,’ which explains the mystery of why none of them picked it this week. The girls start with ‘Here, There And Everywhere’ and for some reason the crew doesn’t think Ramiele’s mic should be turned on. Kristy actually sounds ok because she’s just singing and not trying to ‘do’ something. Amanda doesn’t sound like she’s singing at all — her mouth is barely moving. Then the group sings ‘Because,’ which sounds way pre-recorded. Amanda does a little ‘solo’ of ‘In The End’ for […]

Ok, so last week I got caught up in the Star Wars-ness of the new set. This week I notice that in the opening credits, when our anonymous Idols are making their way to the stage, that two of them have a white mist swirl around them. Now, I’m stuck in the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Holy Spirit rains some Wrath of God on some Nazis, but not Indy and Marion because they’re smart enough not to look. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to win American Idol. While, yes, Paul McCartney and John […]

by WindUpDoll Ok, so I missed the first few minutes, and when I came in they were still freakin’ recapping. I’m assuming I either missed a cheesy group number, or the Katharine McPhee performance. I’ll probably catch it on YouTube. Down to elimination — we’re doing 3 groups of 4. The first group is Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha. Well this group is uneventful, except for possibly Syesha. Safe, safe, safe and in the bottom 3. Ryan then does the ‘is this the wrong choice?’ question for the judges. Oh, now each of the last 3 sing. Wait, this thing […]

It’s new set night for our Top 12. We’ve gone Imperial Senate on Star Wars with the stage and the opening graphics. This means I have to work Star Wars references throughout this recap. There’s an exciting new ‘mosh pit’ in front of the judges. I bet they love that. The thing I like about this particular night is that it’s the first time these kids are actually performing live. We’ll see who chokes under the pressure. The theme tonight is the Lennon/McCartney catalog. Ryan in his subtle faux-hawk is singing their praises. Ryan fails to mention just how much […]

by WindUpDoll First up is a performance by Blake Lewis. Now, during last season, I really liked a lot of things Blake did. He made songs a bit more interesting. However, he starts off this performance with some of his not finest beat-boxing. See, when you do that to a Bon Jovi song you’re unique. With your own ‘composition’ it’s just pedestrian. Cut the original crap & just redo a Morrissey album already. And suits shouldn’t be that shiny. We cut to a lot of filler. A lot of filler. I fast-forward through a lot of filler.