American Idol

We begin tonight with the Idols singing ‘Reelin’ In The Years.’ I know it’s a ‘classic’ and all, but man, does it go against the whole ‘make it modern’ thing the contestants are constantly told to do. There’s just no way to make that song modern or current. Sorry, American Idol. We get a long recap of last night’s show, because we need to fill time. This gives me time to look at Vote For The Worst, and since I’m in the Pacific Time Zone, I already know who’s gone. I’ll wait until the end of my recap to spill […]

This week’s theme is Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Ryan tells us all about the history of the Hall of Fame and why it’s all important and stuff. It’s like a slide show that automatically moves forward with the ‘ding’ on the cassette tape. Not all that interesting, American Idol. We’re getting started with David Cook. David Cook — Hungry Like the Wolf Ok, first off, David Cook needs to back off the Duran Duran. Seriously. He is not Simon LeBon. Even in his puffier days. And he most certainly isn’t Nigel John Taylor. Not even close dude, not […]

Gotta start with a cheesy group number featuring our final 5. The choreographer has completely given up. The contestants just needed to sit in a certain order when they start with ‘Cracklin’ Rosie.’ Then they had to step-touch to ‘Song Sung Blue.’ They also wow us with ‘Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show.’ David Cook brings the creepy by sounding like a charlatan preacher man. Nice. Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glockson are working on American Idol Extra, so they’re shilling. Constantine tries to do the stare into the camera. He can’t really do it. I think his extra doughiness is throwing […]

Ryan Seacrest is wondering if anyone will lose their cool tonight. God willing, someone will. Some chick who looks like Finola Hughes is in the audience. Ryan appeals to us to vote, vote, vote, just like they do in Chicago. So tonight is Neil Diamond night. He’s very sparkly. Ryan mentions that his first number one was ‘I’m a Believer’ for The Monkees. Oh, yeah. Kristy Lee Cook is wishing she were here to “Come Into America” today. Neil has had some work done. It’s not severe, but he’s rather smooth for having as long of a career that he’s […]

We begin this episode with Ryan kissing both Paula and Simon on the top of the head. I’m wondering if he was dared to do that. So my EPG is telling me that Andrew Lloyd Webber is performing tonight. I see now that he’s at the piano. That’s a good thing. The group sing to start the show is ‘All I Ask Of You.’ It’s a duet, but we’ve got 3 guys & 3 girls, so it’s close enough, I guess. They forgo almost all choreography, but you can tell Andrew Lloyd Webber insisted on some kind of harmony. It’s […]

The Idols are being challenged like they’ve never been challenged before. David Duchovny and family are looking forward to that challenge. Maybe that challenge is the fact that every episode they’re told that sounding like you’re on Broadway does not equal sounding like a pop star. So making Andrew Lloyd Webber sound contemporary will be a challenge. The band has been brought onto the stage and is closer to a full orchestra than usual. The Top Six Idols are belched out of the stage again. Brooke looks like she’s going to cry already. Good call, Vote For The Worst. We […]

We must start Wednesday’s elimination show with the obvious. Someone’s going home tonight on American Idol. Thank you Ryan Seacrest, Rhodes Scholar. And it’s time for the cheesy group number! The Idols are singing ‘One Sweet Day,’ that hit for Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. The Idols are thankfully not asked to do more than step up and sing. Then they have to switch position on the stage. The choreographers have officially given up when walking into a straight line is considered choreography. We get a shout out to Scott Krippayne, the guy who wrote the craptacular ‘This Is […]

You may have heard my moan in pain when I heard that this week’s theme was Mariah Carey. It was that loud. Apparently Teri Hatcher and Minnie Driver are excited about Mariah, as I see both of them in the audience. Once again, the Idols are belched out of the middle of the stage. It’s such a ‘meh’ way to start the show. We get a lot of blah, blah, blah about Mariah Carey and her vocal range that only dogs can hear. Ryan’s accolades omit the Glitter phase. Mariah doesn’t like to judge, so Idols, just think of her […]

Why am I surprised that tonight’s elimination episode of American Idol starts with a crappy recap of last night’s Idol Gives Back? Why? Why does Ryan Seacrest start this episode in a weird artsy way? Why? So many questions. So many answers I don’t really care about. Oooh! Songs from Idol Gives Back are topping the iTunes chart. Wow, I don’t care. Then we get the Idols once again doing ‘Shout To The Lord.’ Again. Apparently American Idol is thinking maybe Kristy Lee Cook is on to something and invoking Jesus might up the ratings. I wonder what Carly thinks […]

After a pompous start by Ryan Seacrest, we get this party started with Rhianna’s ‘Please Don’t Stop The Music.’ No, wait, it’s the Idols going a group number! Carly’s singing about dancing, but she still looks pissed off. This is for charity, so the Idols don’t have to dance. They have professionals for this. Oh, now we’re going into the ‘mamma-say mamma-sa mamakusa’ or whatever Michael Jackson was singing back in the ’80s. One of the dancers has a really flexible back and a strong neck since his neck was almost the only thing holding him up. Next we get […]