Dance Moms recaps from Channel Guide Magazine

Dance Moms Season 4 episode 15 recap: Christi, With A Why

April 8, 2014 Lori Acken

Between Mrs. Miller being on her way to heaven and the new team on its way to Pittsburgh, there is one hell of a pall over the ALDC, Dance Moms nation. But you don’t need me to tell you that. We start with Melissa meeting up with Abby at the ALDC front desk, telling her she was just at Maryen’s bedside. Abby says she doesn’t get upset until Melissa makes her get upset, but hey share a tearful moment, anyway. Then Abby says Maryen doesn’t need her to keep a vigil at her bedside. She wants her to be at […]

Coming up on Dance Moms …

April 5, 2014 Lori Acken

Just because next Tuesday’s is the LAST EPISODE BEFORE THE MIDSEASON FINALE!, that doesn’t mean we’re on the brink of being Dance Moms-free, Dance Moms nation. On the heels of the April 15 mid-season ender, Lifetime will air a pair of the reunion specials we’ve come to know and, er, love, despite our better judgment. But the best news is, the girls get the last word, via a Mom-free, Abby-free special of their own. To give you plenty of time to clear your calendar, turn off your phone, stock up on sedatives and warn your loved ones, here’s how the […]

Dance Moms Season 4 episode 14 recap: “Family Comes First”

April 1, 2014 Lori Acken

On tonight’s Dance Moms, Abby Lee realized the error of her tyrant ways, gave everyone solos that showed off their best strengths, hugged all the mothers hello and good bye, called Kelly to make amends and realized a whole new team would just be dumb. What? It’s April Fools Day, people! Actually my husband suggested that I post my favorite recap from Season 1 and make that my April Fools funny, but I think he mostly wanted to revisit the glory days of Hubby Rik’s participation. Hubby Rik don’t watch along, Hubby Rik don’t get to play along, ain’t that […]

Dance Moms recap Season 4 episode 13: A 17-!@#$ salute!

March 25, 2014 Lori Acken

So here’s the thing, Dance Moms nation. Remember when this show used to be an entertaining end to a Tuesday? No? Not anymore? Well, try. I can wait. Because there was a time that, whether or not we agreed with Abby and her methods, or the mothers and their madness, the show still somehow managed to, well, at least do no harm. Or not much anyway. Now Dance Moms can ruin a perfectly good day — and frequently seems to delight in doing so. As I’ve said before, I still have to blog this show as part of my job, […]

Dance Moms recap Season 4 episode 12: Sisters are doing it for themselves

March 18, 2014 Lori Acken

We’re a dozen episodes into Season 4, Dance Moms nation, and a few themes seem to be emerging. The obvious biggie is that one not-so-fine day, Abby is going to assemble a new competition squad. Unless it’s simply a fresh way to instill terror into her current dancers, while parading a steady stream of other dancers in front of the cameras. Whether or not said new team will truly be assembled and what it might mean to the show and the existing team remains to be seen. But in the meantime, it’s as inescapable as a butt rash. And just […]

Dance Moms recap Season 4 Episode 11: Fallon A Little Short

March 11, 2014 Lori Acken

And still no screener, Dance Moms nation. Sigh. Can Abby and Kelly please kiss and make up so all is right in the Dance Moms universe and I can have my screeners back? Because a recap without screen captures is … well, a recap without screen captures. And we’re about to suffer another one. We start out with Abby telling Gia all about her new import Fallon Chapman and Fallon’s mother Cheryl. They’re from somewhere near Orlando Fla. Fallon is 11. She’s won 4 titles. When you type in Fallon+Dance Moms, you get this. Jimmy Fallon kind of looks like […]

Dance Moms Season 4 episode 10 recap: From Rags to Bitches

March 4, 2014 Lori Acken

First things first, Dance Moms nation. I would like to thank those of you who pointed out Kira’s newly-missing facial mole because now it is all I can think about whenever she is onscreen. No mole no mole no mole. Also, Christi’s hair changes length every time she’s on screen. Long hair. Shoulder length hair. Long hair. Bob. And since we’re sweating the minutiae, why are Kelly and the Hyland girls still in the intro for this show? I am sure they most of all would be happy to be removed from anything that has anything to do with Dance […]

Dance Moms recap Season 4 episode 9: This Bites. Some More.

February 25, 2014 Lori Acken

Hey Dance Moms nation! Did you know that everyone is replaceable on this team?! And also that no one is safe?! Have you heard? About a million freakin’ times?? I gotta hand it to whomever titles these bad boys, though. This one was actually officially called “Nothing’s Fair in Abbyville.” So at least we’re no longer pretending it is. Maybe next week’s can be called “Nothing Makes Sense in Abbyville” and the one after that “Nothing is Fun in Abbyville.” Admitting you have a problem is the first step, people. Anyway, we start out in LA where Abby and the […]

Dance Moms Season 4 episode 8 recap: Come On Over For Whine And Cheese

February 18, 2014 Lori Acken

The Face of the Abby Lee Dance Company has changed, Dance Moms nation. Kelly’s, Paige’s and Brooke’s are officially gone by virtue of an “official letter” from Abby’s new deer-in-the-headlights receptionist (well and also, you know, those pesky lawsuits). Kalani’s and Kira’s are here to stay, even though we’re not technically supposed to know that yet … even though Abby said it on The View a month ago. Life was so much easier when I was willful in my ignorance. Kalani is also the top of the pyramid, I’m guessing by virtue of being the only one whose last name […]

So, about those Dance Moms lawsuits …

February 18, 2014 Lori Acken

Yes, Dance Moms nation, now that we’ve all seen the Dance Moms “Battle in the Bronx” on last Tuesday’s episode, Kelly Hyland has done something official about it. In response to the lawsuit filed by Abby Lee Miller following the pair’s November bitey-slappy-hair-pully altercation in New York, Kelly spent Valentine’s Day filing her own $5 million complaint in L.A. Superior Court, alleging non-payment, unlawful working conditions for the children and a litany of other abuses. Both Abby Lee and the show’s parent company Collins Avenue Entertainment are named as respondents. As first reported by TMZ and subsequently fleshed out by […]