Welcome To The Boomtown: This Is American Idol

I have a feeling we’ll have a bit of filler this time. We’re only getting 6 songs, so we’ve got to pad the hour somehow. We start cheesily with the Rocky theme and the dude who calls boxing matches, Michael Buffer. You know, the ‘let’s get ready to rumble’ guy. Or should I say, ruuuuuummmmmmmbbbbbbbblllllllllleeeeeee! We’re live from the really big Nokia Theatre and we learn that David Cook weighs 180 pounds. David Archuleta is described as being 100 pounds soaking wet. For some reason Ryan gives up his ‘This is American Idol!’ responsibilities for tonight. Under Buffer’s tutelage, it becomes ‘This is Ammmmmmmeeeeeerrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn Idol!’

We’re filling time with a boxing allegory. I wish I were playing boxing on my Wii while watching this. Instead, I’m bringing my thoughts to you.

After the opening graphics, Ryan’s out to return us to normalcy. We’re still way into the whole boxing theme. It’s dorky. We get picks from Clive Davis and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Both look creepy. The guys are in a boxing pose for a photo shoot, just barely holding in the giggles. Guess what? Both guys rehearsed to prepare for tonight. It’s a tricky strategy. Randy refuses to buy the boxing line and says it’s a duel — a duel! en garde! — for the King of the Nokia Theatre. Paula says everyone loves both of them. Yay! Simon says they have to want to win and they have to hate their opponents. So, of course Ryan gives the guys the opportunity to say how much they love each other. It’s sweet, in a puky sort of way.

Round 1 — Clive Davis Pick

David Cook — Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2

Good choice, Clive, good choice. I saw on Vote For The Worst that the producers are trying to ensure a David Cook win. This song choice certainly doesn’t hurt. It’s a great song & right in his comfort zone. It also has a meaning, so it’s not one of his craptacular usual choices that ends up sounding like ‘blah, blah, blah, I’m a rocker SCREAM!’ He sings the song pretty straight on, which is safe. Randy’s gonna call him DC and he thinks it’s a nice start for the show. Randy’s not sure he did everything he could have. Paula says we’ve found what we’re looking for in David Cook. Squeal! Simon says given how tense he was at the top of the show, his performance was phenomenal.

David Archuleta — Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me by Elton John & Bernie Taupin

Well, conspiracy theorists can’t fault this song choice. Again, it’s a strong one for David Archuleta’s voice. Of course, some of this think of this as a Clay Aiken song. Mostly Claymates, that is. David A is more animated than I think I’ve ever seen him in performances past. Randy says this is one of the best performances of the season. Crazy vocals! Crazy molten hot! Paula got chills & says David brings out sunshine. It was a sunny performance. Simon thinks everyone’s getting overexcited & last week David was just ok. He also thinks that this performance is the best he’s done so far. David looks like he’s going to cry & Simon calls the round for Archuleta.

Round 2 — New Song — Contestant’s Choice

These are the craptacular songs submitted by songwriters. Andrew Lloyd Webber says that the guys have to believe their songs.

David Cook — Dream Big

DC is playing guitar on this one. He’s starting off kinda muttery. He’s back to his usual rocker shtick. He’s not selling me on this new song. His voice doesn’t sound like it was liking the last note of the song. I don’t know, I was just aight with this. Randy wasn’t feeling the song either, but says David Cook sang his face off. Paula says millions were mesmerized. Simon thought it was a bit of a lightweight & it didn’t feel like a winning moment to him. He gives it a 6 1/2 out of 10.

David Archuleta — In This Moment

It’s slow and ballady. Who’s surprised Archuleta would pick something like that? Anyone? Didn’t think so. David A is enunciating a lot better than David C. I don’t want to jinx him, but I think David A studied his butt off. I’m not seeing the deer-in-the headlights look he would get when he’s obviously unsure of the lyric. Not so tonight. I do need to ding him a bit for the dorky jacket with what looks like a homemade cut-out anchor on the front and back. Who picked that thing out? ‘Let’s see.. I think the little sailor boy outfit will work….’ Randy again comments that David A could sing the phone book & says David A is in the zone. Paula says he’s on fire, or in the zone, or something. Simon calls the song fantastically self-centered, but says David A made the better song choice. Round 2, David Archuleta.

Is Simon trying to do reverse psychology to get people to vote for David Cook? Hmmm…. what do you think, conspiracy theorists?

Round 3 — Contestant Choice

David Cook — The World I Know by Collective Soul

David Cook is going for a new song, which may or may not be a wise strategy. It’s a slower song, which should help show a bit of diversity in his style. It’s still a rocker song, so he can still be all David Cook with it. He’s taking a long time to get to the rocking chorus. It’s kind of a weird choice that way. He’s being really restrained. I’m not sure what he was going for with that. Well, he’s crying. Paula’s standing up. Randy says he’s showing lots of sides of David Cook and calls it a very nice job. Paula thinks he’s standing in his truth and she applauds him in her spastic Paula way. Simon wanted to say publicly that David’s one of the nicest contestants they’ve ever had on the show. But it was the wrong song choice. Simon thinks he would’ve been stronger doing ‘Billie Jean’ or ‘Hello.’ David Cook respectfully disagrees with Simon.

David Archuleta — Imagine by John Lennon

So David A is going the safe route and whipping out Imagine, a song that he’s done really well with in the past. Kathy thinks it would be funny if he harfs the lyrics on this one. I don’t want to see that meltdown. He’s going to melt down enough as it is once he’s done performing. It’s a good, solid performance again, but not his strongest of the night. Randy thinks David A is what the show is all about because he’s the best singer of Season 7. Paula thought he was stunning tonight. She doesn’t say that David A is singing his truth. Simon thinks we’ve witnessed one of the great finals of American Idol. He thinks David Archuleta delivered a knockout tonight. David looks like he’s going to pass out. Or throw up. Or both. Don’t leave that kid alone for a few hours, producers.

We get the usual recap of the evening’s performances. Now it’s time for America to decide. Ruben gets to sing his farewell song live. Hi Ruben! Did he gain his weight back? You’re still really sweaty on stage. Paula stands during his performance, annoying all who sit behind her. We also get a video montage of those who’ve sung before, including some of the crazy ones.

Who are you going to vote for? What did you think of David Cook’s strategy? Did David Archuleta take the easy road by doing a song he’s sung before? We’ll know America’s collective thoughts tomorrow night when Nigel Lythgoe drags people back from the dead to entertain us. Tomorrow is the finale of American Idol.