Reality TV

We must start Wednesday’s elimination show with the obvious. Someone’s going home tonight on American Idol. Thank you Ryan Seacrest, Rhodes Scholar. And it’s time for the cheesy group number! The Idols are singing ‘One Sweet Day,’ that hit for Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. The Idols are thankfully not asked to do more than step up and sing. Then they have to switch position on the stage. The choreographers have officially given up when walking into a straight line is considered choreography. We get a shout out to Scott Krippayne, the guy who wrote the craptacular ‘This Is […]

You may have heard my moan in pain when I heard that this week’s theme was Mariah Carey. It was that loud. Apparently Teri Hatcher and Minnie Driver are excited about Mariah, as I see both of them in the audience. Once again, the Idols are belched out of the middle of the stage. It’s such a ‘meh’ way to start the show. We get a lot of blah, blah, blah about Mariah Carey and her vocal range that only dogs can hear. Ryan’s accolades omit the Glitter phase. Mariah doesn’t like to judge, so Idols, just think of her […]

Why am I surprised that tonight’s elimination episode of American Idol starts with a crappy recap of last night’s Idol Gives Back? Why? Why does Ryan Seacrest start this episode in a weird artsy way? Why? So many questions. So many answers I don’t really care about. Oooh! Songs from Idol Gives Back are topping the iTunes chart. Wow, I don’t care. Then we get the Idols once again doing ‘Shout To The Lord.’ Again. Apparently American Idol is thinking maybe Kristy Lee Cook is on to something and invoking Jesus might up the ratings. I wonder what Carly thinks […]

After a pompous start by Ryan Seacrest, we get this party started with Rhianna’s ‘Please Don’t Stop The Music.’ No, wait, it’s the Idols going a group number! Carly’s singing about dancing, but she still looks pissed off. This is for charity, so the Idols don’t have to dance. They have professionals for this. Oh, now we’re going into the ‘mamma-say mamma-sa mamakusa’ or whatever Michael Jackson was singing back in the ’80s. One of the dancers has a really flexible back and a strong neck since his neck was almost the only thing holding him up. Next we get […]

Kristy Lee has decided that gold sparkly shirts are lucky for her. That’s the only reason why that I can think of she’s wearing the same shirt she’s worn in weeks past. Once again, we start with the Idols belching out of the center of the stage. We learn that these poor slobs have to work the phone bank for Idol Gives Back. Welcome to the big time, kids — telemarketing! Now, hit your numbers or you won’t get your bonus! Michael Johns — Dream On Up first is Michael ‘I’ve got the cojones to wear an ascot AGAIN’ Johns. […]